Looking to find out what are some of your epic parties. But more specifically, can someone with experience in this (from the small warmers for colleagues/networking to extravagant all out bashes on a beachfront), talk about your dos and don'ts or general rules of thumb for the host?
Also, what are the benefits, responsibilities, and general goals when hosting? What is a party you would find interesting to go to (for casual business, mostly), in regards to location (apartment, house, or facility), types of food served, drinks, entertainment necessary, and invited guest list?
(TLDR - don't host parties)
also, sorry in advance, I had no idea I'd write an APAE length post here...I guess I like to party
fuck hosting. seriously, fuck that. if you don't hire help, you gotta clean your place so fucking good you could eat off the toilet, you'll get into no fewer than 3 arguments with your wife about where the goddamn napkins should go (obviously not their normal spot), and then all of that cleanliness will be ruined with mouth breather molly (whose cheesedick of a husband happens to work with your wife) spills the crackers in between the sofa cushions and doesn't use one of the 3 fucking dozen coasters laid out for her (so now I have a weekend project or have to buy a new coffee table for the next party). you spend copious amounts of money on alcohol and food to invite over people who want to talk to you about the weather, work, and try to one up each other on travel plans. in other words, you've got frog's leap and patron materials but fuckin PBR conversation (and that transcends social classes, trust me). if you're lucky, and I mean REALLY LUCKY, someone will talk sports with you or some mutual hobby, and maybe a friendship will kick off, but fuck entertaining bro.
what's better than that? have one or two couples over that you're actually friends with, pounding a couple bottles of wine, and playing cards against humanity or watching the game. alternatively, getting a drink at your place before some event (concert, standup, etc.) you'll probably have a way more memorable evening with less stress, bullshit, and you'll actually accomplish the purpose of inviting someone over: deepening the relationship.
I would never ever ever network at my house. I may host a small client gathering one day, but nothing beyond that. if I'm looking for a business connection, I don't need diarrhea danny asking me for the 4th time where we keep the cottonelle. GO HOME DUDE. I'd do those sorts of events at a nice restaurant/lounge/cocktail bar.
as for the bangers? you've come to the right place. I've thrown quite a few in my day, college and post college. now, I'll assume you're not going for boujee, because if you want a party full of fake personality freeloaders to come eat caviar and take instagram pics at your house in the hamptons all so some chick with fake C cups gives you a blowjob because you gave her "the good line from the bag," well I'm not your guy. if, however, you want to rage, I'm your man.
plenty of drinks, not plenty of options. sure, you gotta have something that's not bud light, miller light, coors light, but you don't have to have the entire bell's & fat tire lineups to make it a good party. I'm usually a fan of 5 different beers: corona, bud light, miller light/coors light (one, not both), sam adams, and fat tire. in addition to this, depending on the time of year, have 3-4 diff kinds of wine. if summer, I'm doing a light red blend, a rose, a pinot grigio, and a chardonnay (it's a terrible wine, but people like it, so whatever). stick with one brand of wine, you are not under any circumstances going to your cellar. keep it simple, people don't care. as for liquor? your call, I prefer to have provisions for a couple of standard cocktails (vodka soda, gin & tonic, something with tequila, something with bourbon), but no more. have plenty of glasses, limes, lemons, ice cubes, etc at the ready so people can make their own drinks (unless you have someone bartending, which I've done and it's a great call, but the advice stays the same: keep it simple).
keep the food finger friendly. no one wants to have to negotiate a new york strip while they're trying to fuck that hot new intern from colorado who's been hitting the gym and is wearing a skirt short enough so that EVERYONE KNOWS. shrimp, cheese, charcuterie, kebabs, etc., all good ideas. don't spend too much on veggies, this isn't a party for dorks. meat, cheese, maybe some carrots and shit, but if you're inviting vegans to your party, I've got news, your party will suck.
seating. gotta have plenty of seating. are you doing a day party for the kentucky derby? are you doing a big tailgate? lowcountry boil? doesn't matter, gotta have lots of chairs, and try to keep them uniform. you want people fighting over who's gonna win the big fight (obviously khabib, duh), you don't want them fighting over chairs.
entertainment. music & TV, these have to be on lockdown, don't let the one guy who's a blue jays, UT Chattanooga football, or seattle seahawks fan monopolize the TV. nor should you let the guy who likes folk music monopolize the music. you'd better know your audience. for example, I'm not playing lil wayne if it's a family get together, but I'm not playing cuban jazz for my frat bros. decide what will be played and allow for small audibles. like if auburn is getting smoked by UT 40-10 with 3 minutes to go, yes you can change it to the USC game that's a little closer or to get the pregame commentary. on the flipside, if it's a world series party, don't let some doucher change it to thursday night football between the bills and the jets, who gives a fuck? it's game 6! what I'm saying is, be consistent, play to the masses, not to your uncle who loves obscure sports and teams. have a decent sound system, but not so nice you'd cry if it got broken. if you have enough parties, shit will break.
other. figure out parking, weather contingency plans, and timing in advance. if there's no event that draws people out of the house (football game, concert, fireworks on J4, etc.), people will stay there until it's 5am. here's a typical afternoon party for college football that begins at 10am on Saturday
7am - father in law arrives, has to be the one manning the grill, despite you telling him we're not overdoing it this week and to not come over until 8am, he's just confident he needs to check on the pig that's been cooking overnight (it's fine, I've checked).
930am - no one other than your wife's best friend and her husband have come over, you contemplate hari kari if you have to talk with this guy (who's not even a football fan btw) about your jobs for the next 12 hours.
10am - finally some cars/ubers start arriving, one of your friend's slampieces is already hammered, so you gently guide her to the white claw, hoping she doesn't spot the grey goose (I bought it for everyone, but she's gonna make a goddamn vodka cranberry in a 32oz tervis tumbler and spill half of it, that's a waste)
330pm - first set of games has ended, people with families have already started to file out (thank god) as have parents and dudes who don't know how to drink. thank god, the good SEC games are just getting revved up, and my actual friends are only recently done nursing their hangovers so the real crew just started arriving.
530pm - halftime is over, no one has eaten much of the food, wife's dad is pissed (I told him not to do too much), begins walking around with plates of food shoving it in everyone's face (probably a good thing, we've gone through a lot of booze)
8pm - by the end of the second set of games, a party of 50 will have dwindled to 14-20. people start talking about evening plans, ordering pizza, and the non-bros will have exited. and then a bag comes out (use your imagination).
10pm - by the end of halftime, half the party has no idea who's even playing. music starts blaring outside and there's maybe 4 guys inside watching the game with their wives/girlfriends on their phones waiting for the game to be over or asking permission to leave (of course that answer is no
1130pm - fans of the winning team are ready to stay, fans of the loser have already broken something and been escorted out
if you don't hit the bars after that shit just gets rowdier, karaoke perhaps, inviting more people back over (maybe the parents who left early got a babysitter), getting more drugs, more booze, and completely disregarding the future value of your home with your actions. the most tame of these I've seen end by 1, some go until NFL countdown starts the next morning. the sweet spot is somewhere in the middle, I'm a fan of 3-4am.
your move, bro chih minh
So you invite clients to these events? Want to manage my wealth?
haha appreciate it bro, we've got a couple clients in finance and I don't really want any more. I'll PM you if I ever host another one, I've mostly hung up the cleats and just helped my wife's friends plan theirs
Great stuff
A LOT of good tips here. I've hosted a Super Bowl party for about a decade running and now with kids a large number of kids parties and just get togethers with kid's friends/families (as the thebrofessor states...the get together with a few families and just chilling with some drinks is the optimal party). I am considering hosting a work party soon (shudder).
The only place that thebrofessor misses the boat is the ribs. thebrofessor WTF are you doing cooking ribs overnight? My god man, why are you serving bony leather at what seems like an otherwise great party.
I don't actually smoke any meats, way too much work. my only overnight experience was with a pig pickin in the carolinas. that shit is way too hectic. I'm more of a grilled chicken, shrimp, and steak guy, chopped up into bite sized chunks.
edited to pig pickin, just for you bro
Also, what would be the estimated cost range?
Warmers/bangers Dinner Viewing parties Bigger stuff
oh good lord, totally depends my dude. I'm at a point where no one ever shoulders the entire cost. a couple of my friends from NoLA just did a big crawfish deal, and one person bought the crawdads, someone else bought propane, napkins, plasticware, someone else got kegs.
I'd say if I was shouldering the entire cost of the party I described, it'd be in the low thousands, not hundreds. and keep in mind that'd be abnormal, this would be for like clemson/SC, CFB playoff, NFC championship when green bay laid an egg against atlanta, final round of the masters, not just a regular weekend
pig: $250 tent: $250 chairs: $100-150 finger food/apps, napkins, plates, etc.: $500-$1k booze: usually 2x food cost, you have to overbuy to ensure you don't run out
it's not cheap, my dude.
if you want an intro to entertaining, I'd host a DIY cocktail party. have a limited menu of mixers, liquors, and so on, and give people suggestions on what to build. have the party at 8 or 9pm so they don't expect dinner, and since it's a cocktail party, you don't need to go overboard with beer & wine. wine nights are also good, just WAY more expensive, because you have to do pairings and all that bullshit
It really depends on what you're doing and how many people you're having. It sounds like thebrofessor goes all out - I'd guess ~$1,500. Nicer parties with work and clients can easily be $1-2k.
When I host it's not that refined. I would GUESS that all of my get togethers have been $300-600 out of my pocket (I've never really kept track). 10 years ago the parties were 15-20 friends in mid 20s watching the games. At that point I'd probably lay out $100 in beer and $100-200 in food. Actually, the best party I had I smoked a huge pork shoulder for pulled pork. I'd highly recommend it because it's more work upfront, but cheap and almost no work during the event.
Now, it's more like 5-8 families with little kids. More "people" but kids get something like chicken nuggets and frozen pizza - $20 feeds them all.
My favorite thing we do is cater from the local mexican place. We get some pans of chicken and steak fajita, rice, beans, taco shells, churros, etc... It's delicious, relatively inexpensive and hassle free.
I'm lucky to have enough space to hold the people comfortably and I have some decent folding chairs and table to put out. I generally supply food, cheap beer and a bottle or two. My friends are polite enough to bring nice beer, wine an app, and maybe another bottle or two. It works out great.
I recently moved to a city in the south/midwest. I got the natural gas Weber yesterday and am looking forward to opening the house up to neighbors to see if any are palatable.
Epic, outside of calling out Patron as a viable tequila option.
touche!
I go with what people know, bro. I'm not giving out my nice bottle of DJ anejo at a party, I may be hospitable, but I aint stupid
I will (probably) never host a work event and if I did it sure as hell wouldn't be at my place. To be clear I actually like/respect/get along with all of my co-workers, but getting deliberately sauced in front of your bosses, while having prepared either way too much or way too little, just seems like my idea of a nightmare. Best case scenario, you manage to hold it together while your superiors are still there, but you still have to babysit everyone on your level and below you for their sloppiness, all the while your shit is getting thrashed.
Hosting a non-work related party is the less stressful version of this, and you're free to get sloppy with the added bonus of most people wont care bc they're boozing along with you and they know you. Things to look out for on this front are:
1) Friends of friends, who "are never usually this bad, I swear," 2) People who get wayyyy too into Beer Pong/Flip Cup/Cards/Dizzybat/etc. 3) Guys/Gals who are prone to dropping N-bombs when the liquor starts flowing 4) Tv/music commandeers 5) The chronic crying girl/ I love you man-child
Ive hosted a few NYE get togethers as well as a recent housewarming. Basically I'm supplying the cheap beer (ill usually do a 30 each of bud/miller/coors), the cheap wine (yellowtail magnums), and charcuterie/dips/finger stuff that can just set up in the oven. I'm lucky that my core bro group will always offer the hard stuff. Other than that ill have a few games (indoor beer stuff/cards and outdoor canjam/cornhole weather permitting), let my girl pick the music bc I suck at that shit, and for NYE I have a quick easy toast to ring in the new year (and a shit load of bubbly). Otherwise ill ebb and flow between the natural fallout of groups at the party, and keep it together as long as I can until we start shooting whatever terrible handle some stranger brought.
This is great. I just wonder if the object being the host would be to stay sober, because your'e really assuming the obvious headache of looking out for a bunch of people, to make sure they have a good time.
Also, I know people don't respect your space from college, but would it be too much of a stretch to expect that once everyone is supposed to be adulting?
ehh, at least for me if I'm dropping a few hundo and really not getting anything but company out of it I am absolutely going to partake in the food and drink part of it, and since usually the games will be alcohol based or have a drinking component to them it's kind of unavoidable. Also I'm not sure how everyone else's friends are, but at parties I'm at (whether I'm hosting or attending) it's fairly customary to rip a shot with the host upon entry, or assemblage of the core group.
It's definitely not a stretch to think people as they get older are going to be more respectful. So in that respect it's no long an instance of someone punching holes in your drywall or trying to surf an ironing board down the stairs (been on the giving and receiving end of both in my college days). It's more like you get a red wine stain on a $2000 sectional sofa, someone spills a drink on your sound bar bc they thought it was a shelf, or misuses and breaks your electric wine opener, the mistakes tend to be more innocent but in the end hurt the wallet a lot more.
Yeah 100% book a private room at a decent restaurant or cocktail bar.
We had a dinner party once. I became bored and drank "too much" and now we don't have dinner parties. I'm actually working on not attending other people's either anymore.
Agreed about having a small group of high-quality people with plenty of booze...best guarantor that your party won't suck.
Also, no dogs.
I did a super bowl party for quite a while too, and had a lot of fun getting themed beer for each team that's playing (like Dale's for the Denver Broncos and Sam Adam's for new England, for example).
Also, food should be 2-4 things that are easy to cook in bulk (chili, wings in the oven, and a big salad for example).
Music? Fire up the fucking motorhead
I think it all depends on who your friends/co-workers are. I work at a small company (NYC, is to always be on your neighbor's good side, especially if you live in a condo or co-op. Be careful about music; there is always one person who thinks blasting T Pain at 12:30 on a Thursday night is appropriate. If you don't care, fine, but your neighbors will.
2011-14 in Buenos Aires I had the perfect spot for hosting, pizza oven + asado grill. It was a lot of work but worth it
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