Explain Your Job to a Child

If you had to explain what you did on a day-to-day basis to someone who had no idea about your industry, what would you say?

Mine would be: Read the news, Type numbers into a computer, Talk about those numbers.

Comments (30)

Aug 7, 2018

I help people solve problems they can't solve alone. Consulting.

Funniest
Aug 7, 2018

I put someone's money into someone else's account annnnnnndd its gone.........

    • 33
Aug 7, 2018

Buy low, sell high.

Aug 7, 2018

I show people numbers that make them feel good about themselves

    • 4
Aug 7, 2018

Number crunching parasite

    • 1
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Aug 7, 2018

I make the world a better place.

    • 1
Aug 7, 2018

Babysit CEOs

Aug 7, 2018

wake up at 10-11, browse memes all day, play LoL, hang out with colleagues, eat food, write code for 1-2 hours

(this was from my intern experience, very close to FT)

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Aug 7, 2018

turn money into more money

Aug 7, 2018

Convince higher ups that either Company A has the midas touch or is a flaming pile of poop, with the same numbers.

Aug 9, 2018

I help clients buy buildings, sell buildings,rent buildings, and even gather a lot of money together to buy more expensive buildings

Aug 9, 2018

Use programs to make numbers prettier than they are

Cultivating mass and wealth since '95

Aug 12, 2018

One day, horrified parents of little Bobby are urgently summoned to a parent-teacher meeting. The teacher informs them that Bobby told the whole class that Bobbys mom is an exotic dancer and that Bobbys dad plays the piano in a brothel. "Well", says the dad, "my wife Linda is a corporate lawyer and I trade credit derivatives, but Bobby is apparently embarrassed by our career choices".

On a serious note, my parents still think I am a bank teller.

    • 6
Aug 12, 2018
Aug 12, 2018

I listen to my testicular impulses on which companies to invest in while attempting to ignore my testicular impulses on copulating with an intern.

I find that distinction--which testicle-driven impulses to follow and which to deny--to be the primary purpose of this portion of my life.

On a related point, how women make decisions without testicles is a complete mystery.

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Aug 12, 2018

I put two buttons and see what comes out (test engineering).

No pain no game.

Aug 12, 2018

I help poor people get richer by doing things they don't know how to do! But that means I can spend a lot of hours doing nothing!

Aug 12, 2018

I explain to people what they're doing wrong, and laugh when they ask for help after showing them a dubiously high bill-rate.

Aug 12, 2018

I build big buildings

Aug 12, 2018
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Aug 12, 2018

Shut down companies that dont know how to run them

    • 1
Aug 12, 2018

Assuming I worked for a salary:

The optimistic, mainstream version--
"I provide my time to help make the world a better place, in return for reward tokens (money).

The pessimistic, truly morbid version--
"I sell the most valuable, irreplaceable thing in my life. My time. In return, they give me a few reward tokens but keep most of the tokens for themselves. After I am unable to sell my time, I die."

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Aug 14, 2018

Provide buyers with excuses to pay too much money for apartment buildings using other people's money.

Aug 14, 2018

i take money from other peoples pockets...and put it into my own pocket. Sometimes....other people take money from my pockets. I try to stop them....but sometimes, i'm unable.

just google it...you're welcome

Aug 15, 2018

Genesis 1.

Aug 15, 2018

I help businesses grow by lending them money.

Credit Risk Analyst

    • 1
Aug 15, 2018

You know the guy that sells Ice cream the the corner shop? I do the same with companies.

Sell-Side IB

    • 1
Aug 15, 2018

"I already told you: I deal with the customers so the engineers don't have to. What's wrong with you guys? I'M A PEOPLE PERSON!"

    • 1
Aug 15, 2018
Aug 15, 2018