Fired for the second time in less than a year. Feeling lost.
I've struggled with anxiety and depression for most of my adult life. I barely graduated from an ivy with a 3.0 GPA. In college, I really sucked at interviewing and my GPA did not help. I didn'trole but was hired basically as a personal assistant to a former AM guy who was trying to build out an IB practice during my junior year.
After graduating college, I had no FT offer. After a few months of doing unpaid internships, I was able to land an internship with a small (<10 person) but mighty MM IB firm. I didn't get the return offer due to performance(1). Luckily right around then I got an offer from my old boss from college to come back and join his team as an analyst. The first few months were rough. I repeated some of the mistakes I made during my previous internship and got yelled at - a lot(2). But soon I started to incorporate certain habits (food, lifting, nofap, meditation, talk therapy) in my routine and that's when things started changing. I could focus and work smarter and push through deliverables w fewer errors. Things were starting to look good. I started getting positive feedback from the senior guys but today out of nowhere I get notified I'm being let go due to a "lack of fit". No other feedback was given(3).
Sitting here now just dazed. I question if this is the right industry for me at all. I love the job (the valuation and analysis, the exposure to business execs, the adrenaline, the feeling of doing something productive) but really not sure if I am cut out for it - especially at a shop where the hours will be worse than it was at my last firm.
All of my friends are doing IB at big shops like MS,, (I just don't have that many friends - I'm sure your bank deserves mention) and I'm sitting here getting axed from regional shops with much better hours. I try to not be negative about myself but maybe this isn't the right industry for me at all. I really wanted to complete an analyst program and then jump to something else. Maybe I need to do something else right now - or FP&A - and then go to B-School and then give this another shot later.
Is WFH the culprit here? Maybe it has to do with the size of the teams I've been on? I don't mean to deflect responsibility - I messed up and that's on me. But I really want to hear someone's thoughts on this before I start blindly applying again.
Anyone here been through something like this or similar? Unsure how to move forward. Long term, I like the idea of PE or VC but def don't have the notches on my belt to make the move right now. How can I get there if I can't make it through regional IB? How can I navigate past fucking so much up so early in my career?
(1) My mental health was horrible at this point - I would ask silly questions, lack ownership of the deals I was staffed on, send wrong invites and turn comments poorly. Again, not an excuse but I had just started some psych meds around then which really messed with my sleep, brain and appetite. Things were horrible - I contemplated suicide a few times even got a rope from Home Depot and everything. Therapy and meds have really helped.
(2) A month or two in, they hire another analyst who was clearly more mature and confident than me - dude is crushing it
(3) This is the worst part. This is what makes me feel so helpless - how can I turn this corner if you don't give me specific feedback? How do I fix "fit" if you don't give me specific feedback?