Fish Out of Water - East Coast to West Coast Transition

I was born and raised on the east coast, going to school here as well. Will be heading to New York next summer for a banking SA gig.

A long-time networking connection works out in San Francisco at a top group (GS/MS tech). Breaking into their group would be a dream come true, but the location is a mental hurdle for me. My family and girlfriend live on the east coast, and I feel like I would be a fish out of water on the west coast.

Is it worth putting in the effort to attempt to break into their group? For anyone who has made that transition from east to west, was it worth it? Does the fact that it's a top group change your answer?

It's difficult to mentally balance the allure of that group with what would be the inevitable personal struggle of moving out there. Thanks for the advice.

Comments (23)

Most Helpful
Nov 9, 2018

your girlfriend being there shouldn't have an impact on your decision and don't let it or you'll regret it..seen too many friends fall down that path as young as you are. Thats my only advice.

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Nov 9, 2018

Second this. If you allow her to factor into the decision, you could easily end up being resentful of your girlfriend in the future, which is extremely unhealthy and isn't fair to either of you.

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Nov 9, 2018

Makes sense. What would you guys say if the girlfriend is taken out of the equation?

Nov 13, 2018

Depends on the girlfriend.....if you would be ready to propose tomorrow, then you should stay or find some sort of compromise with her. If not, then it's an easy choice.

Think of it this way. My first real job lasted a couple of years. My wife is still with me five jobs later. Which do you think was the more important decision in retrospect?

Most of the children on here act like it's either giving up your SO for the perfect job or working at McDonald's. That's not how it works. I bet you can probably stay in NYC and still get a great banking job and have a great career.

Life and relationships are all about compromise. Unless you want to be very lonely for your entire life, plan on making compromises somewhere along the way regarding your partner, their job, kids, etc.

Again, depends on the girl. If she's the one, forget about that job in Cali or drag her along.

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Nov 13, 2018

Idk man think of it statistically, how likely is it that you're still together down the road if you're 20/21 and only been dating for a year or two? Sure your story worked out but I would venture to say thats an outlier. Gotta hedge your bets man.

Nov 13, 2018

It depends on how serious he is...I've seen a few early relationships succeed....A FEW NOT ALOT. They were usually super religious or of a ethnic/cultural background that was conservative (i.e not american/western). If your a typical white american dude I'd listen to this man OP, the chances of your relationship lasting are not too high...YMMV however.

Ty

Nov 14, 2018

Says a guy whose girlfriends have all probably been beat...

Nov 14, 2018

No. Says the guy that understands statistics and the statistic that half of all marriages fail, let alone the chance of your relationship at 20 years old ever amounting to anything. Feel free to pass up a good opportunity for a girl you think is "not beat" but don't be sad when that ends or end up resenting her because you passed up this good opportunity for her.

Nov 9, 2018

I would encourage you to move. It sounds like you are quite sheltered. Moving x-country and being on your own would do wonders for you just in terms of personal development.

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Nov 9, 2018

Good point--thanks

Nov 13, 2018

Cannot recommend this enough. Pushing your comfort zone really allows you to find out who you are, what you want in life, and it can be nice to move somewhere that no one knows who you are. Can almost reinvent yourself in a way.

Nov 13, 2018

At the start of your career you should take the best opportunity you can get, period. Lifestyle, location, etc. are mostly irrelevant at this point. If the best gig is in SF, go to SF. If it's in NY, stay in NY.

Also, at your age / position, day to day life isn't going to be that different in SF vs. NY. You're mostly going to be bouncing back and forth between your overpriced apartment and the office, with occasional stops at the gym / bars / restaurants. The vibes of the cities will be different but you'll be so focused on work it will hardly register.

Nov 13, 2018

Just remember, on the East Coast "Fuck You" means hello, on the West Coast "Hello" means fuck you. No one on the West Coast says what they mean, drives me nuts. I miss East Coast transparency...

Nov 13, 2018

Hah. That's interesting--would drive me crazy.

Nov 13, 2018
The Creature:

Just remember, on the East Coast "Fuck You" means hello, on the West Coast "Hello" means fuck you. No one on the West Coast says what they mean, drives me nuts. I miss East Coast transparency...

Cali native here. I heard it described as being direct vs indirect once. Nah dawg...it's just called being rude. Everyone on the east coast coast is cranky.

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Nov 13, 2018

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Nov 13, 2018

West Coast native here. Having spent a fair amount of time on each coast, I'd urge you to make the decision after you spend a week in SF. Yes the general culture change is much more relaxed, a lot of Priuses, and a (slightly) slower pace city, albeit not by much. Weather is going to treat you better, although the Bay Area still gets fairly cool. Comparing the two really is apples to oranges. Feel free to message me to chat more about it. Ironically I'm looking to transplant to the East Coast after graduation.

Nov 15, 2018
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