Gf / Dating vs. Wifey / Marriage
I spoke to a good female friend of mine about their intimate life. This person is above average intelligence and overall a good personality but by the end of the conversation, I was confused/lost, and frustrated.
Her thinking was that if she is going to hook up or have casual relationships then she will only focus on looks/charm and for long-term/marriage she will not really care about looks but more about personality and financial security.
This bothered me because it means that guys that are average looking or just focused on their career don't have the option to "have fun" and just end up finding something long-term later in life, and too mostly due to the wealth they have built up. Kind of feels unfair that woman (yes, I know that not all think this way) are trying to get everything - I am going to have crazy sex with some (good looking) losers and won't even look at you but will marry you because you have money.
I know guys do it to some extent but at the same time, guys will also marry for the looks; overall there is less of this differentiation between short term and long term. What bothered me more was her attitude that she is a "queen" and how she is the shit. Reality check 5-6/10 looks, maybe 7 under optimal lighting conditions, and while she is working in big tech CS, not the brightest (from what I have heard). <not sure if this part matters in this context.
Later in the conversation, I mentioned that sometimes I DM girls on insta if it's listed on their dating profile. Her response was "that's weird/creepy". Okay, she is a conservative person so maybe it is to her but the way she made an assumption about how ALL women (including the ones that put their insta on the dating profile saying "hit me up on insta") think it's weird and creepy and the way she said it.
Ofc I argued with her on that but I started thinking that her lack of awareness and saying things out loud can definitely ruin male careers, especially if some woke chunky HR feminist heard it.
This is kind of a rant, kind of seeking your views on this, and also wondering if I should slowly cut off contact with this person.
Based on the responses I am seeing I am going to clarify some things:
-Contemplating whether to cut off contact has nothing to do with her short-term/long-term dating preferences but more about her making statements like DMing is creepy without thinking through other women's pov/preferences and also the impact that some of those statements can have in terms of career, how they are perceived, etc. for the male in question. While ours was a private conversation she is the type of person who wouldn't hesitate to say those things out loud in public.
-I am not bothered by her preferences/conclusion but her approach and attitude to arriving there which is "I am the shit so I can have everything I want even if it means a) the hot dude I hooked with up fell in love with me and I have to break his heart and/or b) I am not even going to give the average guy a chance but will later in life when I want more security." I remember there was a thread where someone said that they don't mind working their ass off now so they can have a hot wife later while the hot dude will be struggling to find stability. Yes, true, there is a win-win here but why would you accept someone that wasn't willing to give you a chance earlier but are now bc you have money? From my POV, it's pretty clear that they are compromising and if they find a better option they will just leave. I am having a hard time rationalizing this.
-Tbh, I am not sure why I am bothered so much. It's not the first time where I had convos where I disagree and I usually am able to understand the other's POV but this has been bothering me for 2 weeks and I can't figure out why. It could be because of the hypocrisy where girls are always talking about how guys are pigs for going on looks and should focus on other traits but then they do it themselves - she has given me shit before for just focusing on looks.
-And to clarify, I have not had any terrible experiences where my GF has left me for any of the reasons here so I don't think it has anything to do with my personal experiences. I also am not that into (romantically) this friend of mine in terms of looks and OTHER differences in lifestyle we have.