Obnoxious Email Signatures

ColdCaller's picture
Rank: Gorilla | 543

"Sent from my mobile device, please ignore typos"

"Insert random inspirational/spiritual quote"

"Please consider the environment before printing this e-mail"

"Disclaimer: ....... " and proceeds to add 5 lines of useless words that hold no legal weight whatsoever.

Comments (38)

Sep 15, 2018

pretty much all signatures are awful. Worst are the enormous images.

    • 1
Sep 15, 2018
ColdCaller:

"Sent from my mobile device, please ignore typos"

"Insert random inspirational/spiritual quote"

"Please consider the environment before printing this e-mail"

"Disclaimer: ....... " and proceeds to add a 5 lines of useless words that hold no legal weight whatsoever.

FYI, that disclaimer is automatically added to any outbound emails at many firms as is the environmental notice.

Sep 15, 2018

Captain
Intramural Ping-Pong Team

    • 2
    • 1
Sep 16, 2018

Anything from a poly-sci major. It's always something along the lines of their entire resume since birth:

"Brandon L Whippersnickles
President - College Liberals for Bernie
Senior Advisor and Mentor - English 101
Poly-sci Major, English, Poetry and Social Injustice Minors with Honors
Member - Young Democrats
Volunteer - XXX Candidate's campaign
Witness - The injustices towards native people's of Australia
Academics Chair - Lamba Lambda Lambda
Member - Junior Varist Quiddich Team
Class of 2037

Please think of the whales before you print this email"

    • 16
Sep 20, 2018

I started laughing hysterically when I saw this but then I remembered that you're absolutely correct and my mood swung to sadness and despair for humanity's future...

    • 1
Sep 18, 2018

The email here'in does not constitute as any legal or financial advice. We believe the information contained herein is correct to our best ability but...etc

Sep 18, 2018

I was in contact with an admin office at a small regional university, and saw this gem...

"I am a trained LGBTI Ally supporting diversity in sexuality, sex and gender at..."

    • 2
Sep 19, 2018

Damn, now that's some next level shit

Funniest
Sep 19, 2018

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little str8 bOi? I'll have you know I was bottom for the hung college cocks of my entire graduation class and I'm a trained LGBTI Ally supporting diversity in sexuality, sex and gender, and I have over 300 confirmed Craigslist creampies. I am trained in CBT & sounding and I'm the top fisting sub in the entire Greenwich Village. You are nothing to me but just another breeder. I will suck you the fuck off with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the internet? Think again, breeder. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of alpha tops across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better PrEPare for the storm of faggot. The storm that rips up the pathetic little thing you call your boipussy. You're fucking split, kid. I can fuck anywhere, anytime and can stimulate your prostate in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in setting up Grindr parties, but I have access to the entire chem arsenal of Vauxhall & Oval and I will use it to its full extent to fuck your miserable cock off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could've known what homoerotic sextribution your little "homophobic" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would've held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn breeder. I will shit your own cum all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking bisexual, kiddo.

    • 18
Sep 19, 2018

I laughed more than I should. The guy taking dump next to my stall must've got weirded out. I've seen many variations of this but man, this is hilarious.

    • 1
Sep 19, 2018
I'm actually a squirrel:

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little str8 bOi? I'll have you know I was bottom for the hung college cocks of my entire graduation class and I'm a trained LGBTI Ally supporting diversity in sexuality, sex and gender, and I have over 300 confirmed Craigslist creampies. I am trained in CBT & sounding and I'm the top fisting sub in the entire Greenwich Village. You are nothing to me but just another breeder. I will suck you the fuck off with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the internet? Think again, breeder. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of alpha tops across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better PrEPare for the storm of faggot. The storm that rips up the pathetic little thing you call your boipussy. You're fucking split, kid. I can fuck anywhere, anytime and can stimulate your prostate in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in setting up Grindr parties, but I have access to the entire chem arsenal of Vauxhall & Oval and I will use it to its full extent to fuck your miserable cock off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could've known what homoerotic sextribution your little "homophobic" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would've held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn breeder. I will shit your own cum all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking bisexual, kiddo.

After googling many terms, you seem very well versed in the intricacies of gay erotica and sadomasochism. (Thank god I used an incognito window, otherwise my AdSense results would be irrevocably scarred) I presume this is from personal experience? :-D

    • 3
Sep 19, 2018

Add "storm of faggot" to random username generator

Sep 20, 2018

Rope.

Sep 20, 2018

What'd does the "I" stand for?

Sep 18, 2018

"Lean six sigma black belt."

Sep 19, 2018

What is with that???? I've been seeing more of that around lately. I did some research and its some supply chain management training. Apparently its self-administered and self-tested as well?

Does it even mean anything

Sep 20, 2018

My Dad is an engineer, and in Engineering Management it's actually a pretty significant certification that can set you a apart. I think there's three levels (yellow, green, and black) and in order to become a black belt you have to work on a project with a black belt with documentation stating what you did and how you used the principles, etc. Or something to that effect.

"Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there" - Will Rogers

Sep 18, 2018

The legal disclaimers that don't offer any protection are kind of pointless and annoying but most people are required to by their firm so it isn't their fault.

Sep 19, 2018

Said this on the LinkedIn thread but ", MBA" after signature.

Sep 19, 2018

For some reason every employee at my company adds their education/certifications after their name in the email signature. And I'm not just talking about analysts or VP's - freaking Senior MD's and group heads too. Some people have three or four abbreviations listed after their name in the email signature. It's BIZZARE.

Most Helpful
Sep 19, 2018
Bateman Begins:

For some reason every employee at my company adds their education/certifications after their name in the email signature. And I'm not just talking about analysts or VP's - freaking Senior MD's and group heads too. Some people have three or four abbreviations listed after their name in the email signature. It's BIZZARE.

I'm OK with major ones like the CFA Charter in signatures. I also appreciate people who put "MBA" in their signature, especially if it's from a third rate school, because then I know ahead of time that I'm dealing with a self-important d***wad.

The most amazingly obnoxious signature I ever saw was the internal wholesaler who spent an afternoon getting the CETF, which is a joke of a certification that requires a 50 question online test with infinite re-takes, then put it in his email signature.

    • 5
Sep 19, 2018

Most people don't even see the disclaimers when they send it out because it's baked into the e-mail server or w/e tech jargon.

That said, anything besides your name, company, title, and contact info is simply unacceptable.

Sep 19, 2018

I used to always see random boutique banks with these obscure award banners from firms no one has ever heard of

"2015 Deal of the Year by The Banker's Digest Magazine"

    • 2
Sep 20, 2018

I've seen this too ahaha.

"Work ethic, work ethic" - Vince Vaughn
Sep 19, 2018

A disclaimer that is lengthy enough to be an email in of itself. Along with a picture of the broker posing at a steakhouse.

"This email together with any attachments is confidential, intended for only the recipient(s) named above and may contain information that is privileged, attorney work product or exempt from disclosure under applicable law. If you have received this email in error, or are not the named recipient(s), you are hereby notified that any use, dissemination, distribution or copying of this email or any attachments is strictly prohibited. Please immediately notify us and delete this email and any attachments from your computer. You should not retain, copy or use this email or any attachments for any purpose, or disclose all or any part of the contents to any person."

Sep 19, 2018

Thanks,

I come from down in the Valley, where Mr. when you're young, they bring you up to do like your daddy done.

    • 1
Sep 20, 2018

Tombstones above the contact details (one row for each deal closed, acquiror/target names, transaction type, valuation (if disclosed), and role of the bank the guy worked for)

Cringeworthy

    • 1
Sep 20, 2018

He / him
She / her
They / their

Yes, that's now a thing.

Sep 20, 2018

I sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over the oilfields dropping hot sticky loads on disgusting foreigners. People say to me that a person being a helicopter is Impossible and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon install rotary blades, 30 mm cannons and AMG-114 Hellfire missiles on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "Apache" and respect my right to kill from above and kill needlessly. If you can't accept me you're a heliphobe and need to check your vehicle privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.

    • 5
Sep 30, 2018
I'm actually a squirrel:

I sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over the oilfields dropping hot sticky loads on disgusting foreigners. People say to me that a person being a helicopter is Impossible and I'm fucking retarded but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon install rotary blades, 30 mm cannons and AMG-114 Hellfire missiles on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "Apache" and respect my right to kill from above and kill needlessly. If you can't accept me you're a heliphobe and need to check your vehicle privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.

No shit. So you're not a squirrel?

    • 1
Sep 20, 2018

A friend of mine (intern) had the name/Logo of his bank so large in his sig it could have been an entire email itself.

Literally this thing was the equivalent of 15 - 20 lines of text. It was literally the most autistic thing I've ever seen in banking outside of this website.

    • 3
Sep 20, 2018

Couldn't find it in my inbox but some consultant had the following in his signature:

John Smith

O: 123-123-1234

C: 123-123-1234

Summer Workdays: Tues / Wed / Thurs

JM28

Sep 20, 2018
jm28:

Couldn't find it in my inbox but some consultant had the following in his signature:

John Smith

O: 123-123-1234

C: 123-123-1234

Summer Workdays: Tues / Wed / Thurs

That's a pretty BSD

If the glove don't fit, you must acquit!

Sep 21, 2018

"Wall Street Journal Premium Reader" right under "High School Class of 2016". I wish I was kidding

Sep 22, 2018

Lol I saw this on Litquidity or one of the finmeme pages this morning

Sep 22, 2018
Comment
Oct 16, 2018
Comment

If the glove don't fit, you must acquit!