VC in San Fran - Roommate Needed

Konichiwa Are you looking for the most kick-ass roommate that ever lived? If so, look no further. You found him! I’m a 25-year-old professional BB associate with experience at a bad-ass firm in New York City. That’s right! What you know about experience? I graduated from UT and moved to NYC at the ripe, tender age of 22. After deciding that New York was a stinky ishhole, I moved back to Texas to cultivate more professional experience. Why? So I can make millions of dollars and not have to post bile like this on WSO all day.

Anyway, so I landed this job with a VC firm in San Francisco, and I have no clue where to live. Honestly, I’m moving there in 3 weeks, so I don’t give a crap if I have to sleep in your bathtub.

A bit about me: I’m respectful, quiet, clean, and I won’t bother any of your stuff. If you leave stuff out, I’m just like, “Oh snap I better not mess with this stuff, because it’s not mine.” I turn off lights. I clean toilets. I’ll even cook for you. That’s right! My dad is a chef and taught me everything there is to know about cooking southern Cajun cuisine. I’ll fry green tomatoes, cover them with marinated crab meat and smother them in béarnaise. Don’t eat meat? That’s FANTASTIC! I’ll make a zucchini and yellow squash carpaccio that will knock your socks off.

I also read a lot. I LOVE books. Vonnegut, Palahniuk, Hawthorne. I read Tuesdays with Morrie the other day. It’s a sad story, but I learned something about life, love, knowledge and the pursuit of something greater than myself. Do you like movies? We can watch some movies together if you like, or go get drinks, or work out, hike, play video games, play a game of one-on-one basketball, or I don’t have to talk to you at all. It’s completely UP TO YOU!

Sometimes I play guitar. Are you going to love getting baked and listening to Bob Dylan and Pink Floyd? LIVE? WHENEVER YOU WANT? Of course you are! I’ll take requests and learn any song you like, because I have the voice of an angel and the acoustical stylings of James Taylor. AWWWWWW YEA!

A lot of people ask me, “Hey, you’re from Texas, Are you racist?” And, the answer to that question is, no. I’m not racist or judgmental at all. I love everyone. I’m a secular humanist. I LOVE PEOPLE. That’s the only requirement to being a secular humanist actually. You have to like other human beings and want to help them for no other reason than they are human regardless of race, religion or sexual preference. WTF?!!!? Pretty cool right? I own almost nothing! I’m driving my car from Texas to California in which I’ll be transporting two duffel bags of clothes, one laptop computer, one guitar, one cell-phone with charger, 8 pairs of shoes, HP 12C, L3 CFA Books, one picture frame, and a load of beef jerky and Pringles for the trip. Though, you can expect the jerky to be gone upon my arrival. Unless you’d like me to pick up some on my way into the city. See?! I’m the most considerate person you’ve ever met. I’m offering to buy you snacks already!

Am I interested in your pad? You can bet my nomadic ass I am! I only require 4 walls, a ceiling and a floor to shelter me from the elements. Other than that, anything else will be considered a convenient plus. I’m taking being a roommate to the next level. Email me! I’ll hook yo ass up with Facebook links, background checks, credit reports, phone numbers, resumes, references, awards, dating history, pictures of karate trophies and a list of the top 10 pitch books and models I’ve mastered. If you want a next-generation roommate who consistently blows your mind with awesomeness, then hit me up. I’m ready to give you money.