VC in San Fran - Roommate Needed

Konichiwa
Are you looking for the most kick-ass roommate that ever lived? If so, look no further. You found him! I'm a 25-year-old professional BB associate with experience at a bad-ass firm in New York City. That's right! What you know about experience? I graduated from UT and moved to NYC at the ripe, tender age of 22. After deciding that New York was a stinky ishhole, I moved back to Texas to cultivate more professional experience. Why? So I can make millions of dollars and not have to post bile like this on WSO all day.

Anyway, so I landed this job with a VC firm in San Francisco, and I have no clue where to live. Honestly, I'm moving there in 3 weeks, so I don't give a crap if I have to sleep in your bathtub.

A bit about me: I'm respectful, quiet, clean, and I won't bother any of your stuff. If you leave stuff out, I'm just like, "Oh snap I better not mess with this stuff, because it's not mine." I turn off lights. I clean toilets. I'll even cook for you. That's right! My dad is a chef and taught me everything there is to know about cooking southern Cajun cuisine. I'll fry green tomatoes, cover them with marinated crab meat and smother them in bearnaise. Don't eat meat? That's FANTASTIC! I'll make a zucchini and yellow squash carpaccio that will knock your socks off.

I also read a lot. I LOVE books. Vonnegut, Palahniuk, Hawthorne. I read Tuesdays with Morrie the other day. It's a sad story, but I learned something about life, love, knowledge and the pursuit of something greater than myself. Do you like movies? We can watch some movies together if you like, or go get drinks, or work out, hike, play video games, play a game of one-on-one basketball, or I don't have to talk to you at all. It's completely UP TO YOU!

Sometimes I play guitar. Are you going to love getting baked and listening to Bob Dylan and Pink Floyd? LIVE? WHENEVER YOU WANT? Of course you are! I'll take requests and learn any song you like, because I have the voice of an angel and the acoustical stylings of James Taylor. AWWWWWW YEA!

A lot of people ask me, "Hey, you're from Texas, Are you racist?" And, the answer to that question is, no. I'm not racist or judgmental at all. I love everyone. I'm a secular humanist. I LOVE PEOPLE. That's the only requirement to being a secular humanist actually. You have to like other human beings and want to help them for no other reason than they are human regardless of race, religion or sexual preference. WTF?!!!? Pretty cool right?
I own almost nothing! I'm driving my car from Texas to California in which I'll be transporting two duffel bags of clothes, one laptop computer, one guitar, one cell-phone with charger, 8 pairs of shoes, HP 12C, L3 CFA Books, one picture frame, and a load of beef jerky and Pringles for the trip. Though, you can expect the jerky to be gone upon my arrival. Unless you'd like me to pick up some on my way into the city. See?! I'm the most considerate person you've ever met. I'm offering to buy you snacks already!

Am I interested in your pad? You can bet my nomadic ass I am! I only require 4 walls, a ceiling and a floor to shelter me from the elements. Other than that, anything else will be considered a convenient plus. I'm taking being a roommate to the next level. Email me! I'll hook yo ass up with Facebook links, background checks, credit reports, phone numbers, resumes, references, awards, dating history, pictures of karate trophies and a list of the top 10 pitch books and models I've mastered. If you want a next-generation roommate who consistently blows your mind with awesomeness, then hit me up. I'm ready to give you money.

Find Your Mentor

  • Increase your chance of landing a job by matching with one of our 200+ mentors.
  • Our mentors are top employees at the most selective firms.
  • Proven process with over 1,100 clients over 10 years.

Comments (16)

Best Response
Dec 26, 2017

Too bad you're going to fucking hate SF buddy.

Also why do you have the CFA books?

What concert costs 45 cents? 50 Cent feat. Nickelback.

    • 2
Dec 27, 2017

Knowledge is power kiddo. Why will I hate it?

    • 1
Dec 26, 2017

What's your salary base + bonus at your VC?

Dec 27, 2017

Like she said, bigger than yours.

    • 1
Dec 27, 2017

How big is yours?

    • 1
Learn More

Side-by-side comparison of top modeling training courses + exclusive discount through WSO here.

Dec 27, 2017

haha this was great
pls tell me i get a roommate like you when i move to SF

if you want to succeed as bad as you want to breathe, then you'll be successful

Dec 27, 2017

Not if you're lucky.

    • 1
Dec 28, 2017

Wait, this isn't a joke?

Dec 27, 2017
aidaman:

Wait, this isn't a joke?

How do you have negative bananas?

    • 1
Dec 27, 2017

ain't no one laughing fool

    • 1
Jan 1, 2018

If you're down on being my slave in my sex dungeon then hit me up on Airbnb

    • 1
Dec 27, 2017

No Homo?

    • 1
Feb 27, 2018

Where did you end up?

Dec 27, 2017

I found a dope roommate on Squirt.

Feb 28, 2018

References?

Land me something and I'll get you a spare room with myself and my parents. Sounds lame. It's not. Slide into the DM's if you're serious.

Cultivating mass and wealth since '95

Dec 27, 2017
Comment