What is your marriage timeline?

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When I was 20-25, I just said "I'll get married when I'm 35." Hasn't happened like that - picky AF. Do you have plans when to just settle down? Will you compromise? I feel unwilling to compromise.

Comments (217)

 
Aug 3, 2020 - 7:38pm

probably pretty soon at 30-32ish. If I'm going the married and kids route I want the kids to be mostly out by the time I'm 35.

I don't see choosing someone for marriage so much as compromise as just balancing desires. I'm less willing to compromise on my timeline than I am on picking someone right because I think time together is one of the larger factors of a successful relationship. Then again, I definitely fell in love with someone who is an excellent match for me and my story would probably be a lot different if I hadn't met her.

 
  • Associate 2 in PE - LBOs
Aug 3, 2020 - 7:46pm

My parents were married early 20’s, had kids pretty young, got to be relatively young/cool parents, and are now relatively young empty nesters with a ton of energy and money to do whatever they want. Also have a few friends who were married young and seems like they’re all doing great

That was my goal but not working so far lol. Would love to be married before 30

 
Aug 3, 2020 - 11:27pm

Definitely waiting until I'm ~32. I'd like to work in a few more cities and do a few more all out deals before taking a bit easier.

 
Most Helpful
Aug 4, 2020 - 12:12am

It really depends on what your definition of "compromise" is. There is no one perfect person out there that aligns with all of your physical, intellectual, social, and psychological needs. To met those needs, you need a combination of a significant other, friends, fulfilling work, hobbies, and personal fortitude. Also, the perfect wife may not be the perfect mom, and vice versa. That may not matter to you now, but if you have kids it becomes a real balance.

Life is tough. The way I knew I wanted to marry my SO was that I wanted to tough out any challenge with her, no matter what. We also completely trust each other. Neither of us are 10/10 but we're attracted to each other and as importantly, faithful and have aligned morals. I'd go to war for her every day and she's ride or die as well. Been married 8 years and hopefully many more to come.

P.S. Another thought I had was how much media and social media screws up our perception of relationships. Do you think for hundreds, thousands of years our ancestors were as picky as people are today? Most people lived and worked in the same town they were born in. You have a group of guys and girls who basically match with each other, and tried to make it work. Humans aren't perfect matches, of course, so there have always been fights, cheating etc. But religion kept people honest and in line. Now essentially nobody is religious, which does leave a void of meaning in society. Dating has turned into a menu or a slot machine, and pornography is a millisecond away. I think all of this stuff is really screwing up our monkey brains.

Be excellent to each other, and party on, dudes.
 
Aug 4, 2020 - 3:07pm

Synergy_or_Syzygy:

P.S. Another thought I had was how much media and social media screws up our perception of relationships. Do you think for hundreds, thousands of years our ancestors were as picky as people are today? Most people lived and worked in the same town they were born in. You have a group of guys and girls who basically match with each other, and tried to make it work.

This is a good point. I bet standards were lower and people were happier. There are a lot of psychological issues present in today's society about looks.

Given, I'm vain as fuck but recognize the toll of society having such high standards that are sometimes even fake standards with crazy photoshops on girls for the perfect look that cannot be achieved.

But, my girl Hailey Grice is pretty damn close (to 10/10).

https://www.instagram.com/p/CCWhhLohtuU/

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

 
Aug 5, 2020 - 10:15am

This is a really good comment, and I'd like to add that beyond just the fact that you won't find the perfect person is that people change, and change often. I got married at 25, my wife was a little younger than me. This was my first long-term relationship, and so I had to learn from scratch, but the key to a strong relationship I've found is how serious the other person takes it, and is willing to put in the work for both themselves and their partners to be happy. I got lucky and found someone that is a great person and has great work ethic, but she was pretty young and it's tough to work through stuff you had done a couple years ago again.

I will say, after a year, we are much happier with our relationship than we were even fives months ago. It's also great to have someone to cheer for in their own career, and then reciprocate that versus always having to motivate yourself.

 
Aug 4, 2020 - 10:29am

CRE:

Not a smart one, given biology, but an opinion.

Lol. One google search and you might wonder what pops up? "A woman’s best reproductive years are in her 20's. Fertility gradually declines in the 30's, particularly after age 35." (https://www.reproductivefacts.org/news-and-publications/patient-fact-sh…)

Tough look for the intern

"I'm talented in a bunch of different areas" -Kevin Durant
 
Aug 4, 2020 - 10:31am

Don't rush into marriage. It's a long time commitment, make sure you are ready before you do so.

Enoch Arthur
 
  • Prospect in Other
Aug 4, 2020 - 10:47am

I'm going to have to get married way sooner than I would like (younger than 25) to for 2 reasons:

  1. arranged marriages are looked upon favorably in my culture and there's a lot of pressure on young people in Indian culture (not everyone, there's a lot of factors involved so my experience isn't indicative of all Indians viewpoints on marriage) to get married nice and early to someone their parents pick.

  2. I gotta get that green card and I'm not tryna wait decades for it. Getting married is a quick route to getting a green card.

 
  • Prospect in Other
Aug 5, 2020 - 9:22pm

I don't know if I want one yet or not, but it's always there. If I strike out, it's a very good back up. There's professionals that do the matching for you (Netflix just recently made a show about this), your parents (who one could argue know you better than you know yourself) are heavily involved in the process, and the marriages seem to stick. Much lower divorce rates because the matches take compatibility into account, not just mutual attraction which two people by themselves might think is enough to warrant a marriage.

At the same time, it's a symbol of a lot of things that young people don't like. The incredibly toxic caste system can be involved (for Hindus). Colorism and sexism can frequently be factors as well. And while this isn't as true anymore in urban areas of India (the practice still exists to a certain extent in rural parts), arranged marriages are attributed with forced marriages. The image is that they're anti-love and just means of consolidating wealth within a family. On the other hand, love marriages can be viewed as symbols of disobedience from children and can be looked down upon in society sometimes. Really interesting phenomenon from both ends of the spectrum imo. My parents didn't even have an arranged marriage though, but they sometimes claim they do around older people so that the stigma isn't attached.

 
  • Investment Analyst in ER
Aug 4, 2020 - 10:51am

Got married when I was 18, and still happily married. Not planning any kids at least till 35. My wife is super chill & hot af + smart, and before COVID we were partying together frequently & have common hobbies.

MM IB/Retail brokerage - Sell-side ER Generalist and Capital Markets IB (ECM, DCM), Eastern Europe and Central Asia region
 
Aug 4, 2020 - 12:37pm

I think it’s all about what makes you happy in life. If you’re happier single than with someone, definitely do NOT get married to them. That won’t fix anything.

I recently got married and am really happy with my decision. My wife and I are both still young and have a lot of time ahead of us. I didn’t ever expect to get married, 5 years ago I planned on being a bachelor in a cool condo in Westwood selling expensive ass homes in LA. Life has a weird way of changing plans.

I love my wife. That’s not to say she’s perfect and can do no wrong. We have differences of opinions on lots of things, we’re even different religions. We respect each other’s beliefs and find common ground on underlying respect, trust, and our definitions of right and wrong. To me she’s absolutely gorgeous- and she really takes care of herself so that’ll last us when we age. We have common interests and balance each other out.

I’m a very driven, almost workaholic type. I struggle to just relax. She’s a great balance and keeps me sane and in check. Like the above commenter said, I’d go to war for her. There hasn’t been a day I’ve had a second thought since our first date. Yeah, we’ve had ups and downs and there have been some disagreements- but never a moment where I felt like leaving.

“The three most harmful addictions are heroin, carbohydrates, and a monthly salary.” - Nassim Taleb
 
Aug 4, 2020 - 1:58pm

Took me years to get over an ex -- is that normal? Now barely getting back in to the dating game. Marriage - IDK man. I just turned 30 and am saying 40. Who knows what the next 10 years has in store for me though.

 
Aug 4, 2020 - 3:44pm

Personal opinion after talking to a divorce lawyer, the people who are getting divorced are young college couples who say they are love for ever and couples in income disparity who are older, no famous people who are rich/wealthy are getting divorced. There is no point.

"It's okay, I'll see you on the other side"
 
Aug 11, 2020 - 1:29am

I just wanted clear up this conundrum of being rich/famous. This is due to the part that the spouse cheated. Successful relationships of being rich/wealthy work out well, financially stable people tend to be married longer. Disclaimer, without an egoistical demeanor.

"It's okay, I'll see you on the other side"
 
  • Investment Analyst in ER
Aug 7, 2020 - 5:14am

I've also got MS for admitting that I am married and happy lol

MM IB/Retail brokerage - Sell-side ER Generalist and Capital Markets IB (ECM, DCM), Eastern Europe and Central Asia region
 
  • Analyst 1 in IB-M&A
Aug 4, 2020 - 7:18pm

If you wait too long to get married all the best girls are taken and you're stuck with girls nobody wanted. This is 100% true. I'm 30 y/o and married and all my single friends complain how little talent there is left for them.

 
Aug 4, 2020 - 7:23pm

I'm 37 and have no loss of talent in the 18-25 range.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

 
Aug 4, 2020 - 7:42pm

Analyst 1 in IB-M&A:

Oh also my friends who were "picky AF" all will never get married because they fail to realize their own shortcomings. I wouldn't plan on ever getting married if I were you. Just reality, chief.

I wouldn't mind not getting married, but am spending significant efforts to filter through thousands of prospects.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

 
Controversial
Aug 4, 2020 - 10:36pm

THIS!! Reading this thread as a female is somewhat cringe lmao like all these guys who say they're sooo picky got me wondering, what do THEY have to offer to any confident woman who truly values herself and knows her worth? The bare minimum at best??? Now, there's obviously nothing wrong with having standards and seeking be on the same page about certain values/belief systems, but you all should hold yourselves to the same standards and level of scrutiny that you hold potential partners to.

Seems to me that even subpar men feel entitled to marrying a beautiful size 00 model with double D's, a perfect face/body, who is also "smart" (meaning she ALWAYS agrees with them and never intellectually challenges them or disagrees with them, of course), will take care of them (aka being their mom because many of them literally can't fulfill basic life skills), do their laundry/ cook, fuck like a pornstar whenever HE wants (like on demand!), maybe have some kids (but don't you dare gain a pound and don't expect any help in raising these kids!) ... all while these men have literally nothing to offer to any sane woman lmaoooo - just some broad generalizations and observations, hope they don't strike too many nerves :)

Marriage is a partnership and the positive traits you seek in a parter (or qualities you seek in this partnership) should be RECIPROCATED. There's also no set "timeline" - seems like when you know, you know. Love the comments above where guys mention they'd go to war for their wives, warms my heart :)

 
  • Prospect in IB - Gen
Aug 5, 2020 - 11:05am

oddly specific

Array
 
Aug 5, 2020 - 10:20am

35-38 w. prenup is my ceiling fan.

"Full speed ahead, damn the torpedoes." -U.S. Navy General Farragut
 
Aug 5, 2020 - 1:32pm

isaiah, you should absolutely be picky, just not in the ways you think. absolutely, physical attraction is necessary, so don't go for someone you dislike looking at in the morning (she should still be hot with messed up hair, baggy T and PJs if you follow that, so your insta-model types probably won't cut the mustard).

what you should be very picky on are values. I know you're a Christian, and likely hold values that align with your faith, don't compromise on that. she may not need to hold the same faith as you (my wife & I don't have the same denomination), but she will need to hold the same values as you. I don't have to tell you this, but I will anyway. that hot 24yo will become wrinkly someday. sure, she can maintain a nice body if she exercises (see gabrielle reece and ernestine shephard), but she won't look 24, and you have to be OK with that.

also, I'm not just talking religious values. do they hang out with their family all of the time? they're a big family person, you have to be OK with doing the same thing. if you're not, you're not a fit. I'm personally not a big family guy (I have my issues with my bloodline) but my wife is and I love her family. what about career? what about risk taking? what about children? what about drugs/substances/diet? I'm not saying you need to have hard and fast opinions on these things, but you should absolutely not marry someone who you think will be perfect if they just changed a couple of things about them. they may, but likely they won't.

reading between the lines, it sounds to me like you're not ready. if you're still enamored with chasing tail (nothing wrong with that!), then you're probably not in a position to "settle down." what I'd do is just keep doing you, and if you're a nice guy you'll eventually meet a girl who makes you want to delete all your dating apps and unfollow every thot on socials because she's the only person who matters to you and hurting her feelings is worse than the FOMO from that next 24yo you're trying to bag.

if you set a hard stop on when you want to get married, you'll be disappointed. keep on keeping on brother

 
Aug 5, 2020 - 2:16pm

Thanks bro. Yeah I don’t have hard dates for marriage, but just a general idea.

I’m not chasing tail anymore - looking for genuine connections. Yes I get that some say that is hard with 20s chicks.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

 
Aug 5, 2020 - 2:23pm

my wife and I built a genuine connection very early in life. it's possible, but likely you'll need to find someone who's mature for her age.

also, I know this doesn't apply to you necessarily, but it applies to everyone here. take care of yourself first. if you are lacking then you will not be a catch to others, limiting your options. be the best version of yourself you can be (nobody's perfect) and you'll find you're not only more appealing, but you can be a better companion

 
Aug 5, 2020 - 1:35pm

Timeline for me is an open ended now. I just got out of a relationship. Part of the reason it didn’t workout is because I’m pursuing things in life that are exciting, at least to me. And I felt she thought it was rather boring. So I relieved her of her duties to make sure I stay focus and she can get whatever it is that would be more exciting. I think at different stages you need different vibes. This is a stage where I didn’t think my vibe was being matched and so I don’t know why that would change as times changes. Someone that can be there for it all seems like a more likely long term partner. And because marriage is a long game, I don’t think it’s worth it to compromise when I’m not fully confident in the person.

 
Aug 5, 2020 - 3:29pm

I'd personally want to get married by my late 20s/early 30s but that's mostly because I want to have kids and would rather have then earlier than later. Any earlier than that age range, I would really scrutinize if I'm a) at a stage in my life to make such a big commitment and b) sure than our long-term goals align and will stay aligned as we grow as people in our 20s.

Array
 
  • Investment Manager in PE - Other
Aug 5, 2020 - 3:30pm

I don't have a timeline to get married, I think that's a horrible way to frame marriage. If it happens, it happens. I want it to be natural/not forced or me "settling" because it's easy, convenient, etc. I do think, however, that getting married around age 30 would be ideal. In a perfect world, I meet my "wife" at age 27ish, she's hopefully a few years younger, and I'm married by 30ish.

For what it's worth, I'm 24 and haven't even had a serious GF, feelsbadman. I can easily hook up with hot women (IE - looks don't seem to be my issue), I've had a few shorter "relationships" that lasted 3-4 months but never anything serious. I was definitely a late bloomer, which didn't help. Overall though, I can't help but feel like ITS ME who is the issue, not the talent out there. WTF is wrong with me...? Dunno man.

I've gone on 25-30 "first dates" since graduating college at 22, hit it off with maybe 3-5 but things didn't work out for one reason or another (one moved cities, another was a somewhat LDR which wasn't working, I moved away from one, etc.). Anyways, I've all but given up, and have accepted the fact that I may die alone and without children. And I'm OK with that, and just focusing on loving/improving myself, being the best I can be, and being open to wherever life takes me because I hope I've got a long way to go.

With regard to settling, I think the most important thing is you hold similar values, like brofessor talked about ^. If you don't align on fundamental values, I think it will be an uphill battle to keep the marriage afloat.

 
Aug 5, 2020 - 3:41pm

It's so surprising how flakey girls are in their 20's. It's definitely much, much easier to get dates and stuff but to expect anything more is just asking for disappointment. I feel like had I lived outside NYC or the US, I would have probably been in a long term relationship a while ago.

Array
 
  • Investment Manager in PE - Other
Aug 5, 2020 - 3:53pm

I've found early/mid 20's to be a difficult age for dating. You've got some people who have been in relationships since college and are serious, other people who are single and looking to date. And then most girls age 22-24 want to date guys that are 25-28 in my experience. I think as men get closer to 30, there's more and more options every year. At least that's what I keep telling myself...

 
Aug 5, 2020 - 6:23pm

I personally am staying away from dating apps. There are probably 2 reasons for this
1. I suck at putting together online profiles which only hurts me. I am just not the kinda of dude to go take Instagram pictures and edit the shit out of them.
2. I feel like the quality of women on the apps is not that high <- this is probably due in large to my first point but also how do you expect commit to a relationship if you can go get another one at the drop of a hat.

 
Aug 5, 2020 - 11:37pm

Whenever I get in better shape and get my shit together so that women don't just want to hook up with me but would actually want a relationship. Maybe I'm too picky too. Idk. Age wise, I'd guess when I'm in my early 30s would be idea. Got plenty of time between now and then but given how I didn't do jack shit to better myself during quarantine, idk when I'll start being better.

Dayman?
 
  • Associate 3 in IB - CB
Aug 6, 2020 - 8:33am

I’m 28, been with my girlfriend for about 1.5 years now and I’ve been wondering this lately. I feel the same way many of you have described in this thread; I’d go to war for my gf and she’d do the same but for some reason I have this fear of marriage just not working out. I’d be willing to try it with her. Maybe I’ll think about it around age 30-31.

She’s hot, well-educated and comes from a solid family. Divorced parents like mine but well off. The income disparity is significant, I make $150K more than she does but she has less student loan debt than I do (given her parents help).

Array
 
  • Analyst 1 in Other
Aug 6, 2020 - 1:36pm

Probably going to wait until 35 to get married as that's when a males value seems to peak (if you stay in shape and are making money). I'm 27 and have a gf right now, but would in no way, shape, or form "go to war" for her. I mean, I cheat on her semi-regularly. It's really the best of both worlds, I can have all of the benefits of a gf while also looking for potentially better options on the side. I've been doing this my whole life. Get a hot gf, enjoy it while looking for a better option, and then upgrade. I call it "climbing the ladder". Beware though, it occasionally implodes and you will have girls go CRAZY on you... But hell, it makes life more interesting. Throw all the MS you want, I don't give a fuck. I am very aware this is unethical behavior but it's worked out great for me.

 
Aug 6, 2020 - 2:20pm

Analyst 1 in Other:

Probably going to wait until 35 to get married as that's when a males value seems to peak (if you stay in shape and are making money). I'm 27 and have a gf right now, but would in no way, shape, or form "go to war" for her. I mean, I cheat on her semi-regularly. It's really the best of both worlds, I can have all of the benefits of a gf while also looking for potentially better options on the side. I've been doing this my whole life. Get a hot gf, enjoy it while looking for a better option, and then upgrade. I call it "climbing the ladder". Beware though, it occasionally implodes and you will have girls go CRAZY on you... But hell, it makes life more interesting. Throw all the MS you want, I don't give a fuck. I am very aware this is unethical behavior but it's worked out great for me.

You know your karma is like negative a zillion -

Why do you accept this standard for yourself - were you in broken family growing up?

Does your word not mean a lot to others in general in life for you? Like - you just sound like a flake. Is life really worth living like that?

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

 
Aug 6, 2020 - 3:43pm

neink:

You think you can stop cheating when you find the right one? Because it's not going to happen

Facts

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

 
Aug 6, 2020 - 3:47pm

Analyst 1 in Other:

Probably going to wait until 35 to get married as that's when a males value seems to peak (if you stay in shape and are making money). I'm 27 and have a gf right now, but would in no way, shape, or form "go to war" for her. I mean, I cheat on her semi-regularly. It's really the best of both worlds, I can have all of the benefits of a gf while also looking for potentially better options on the side. I've been doing this my whole life. Get a hot gf, enjoy it while looking for a better option, and then upgrade. I call it "climbing the ladder". Beware though, it occasionally implodes and you will have girls go CRAZY on you... But hell, it makes life more interesting. Throw all the MS you want, I don't give a fuck. I am very aware this is unethical behavior but it's worked out great for me.

Also, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. I have seen it and its not a pretty sight - some girl may do some crazy shit to you. You don't want this drama in your life.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

 
Aug 6, 2020 - 4:36pm

God bless all the women in your life who clearly deserve better. Unfortunately, many lessons regarding situations like these are learned the hard way.

Also goes back to what I said earlier, would any person with a strong sense of self and high esteem treat others this way? At least this guy has the audacity to virtually admit that he reaps all the benefits of having a gf and offers literally nothing in return.

 
Aug 6, 2020 - 4:41pm

anthro123:

At least this guy has the audacity to virtually admit that he reaps all the benefits of having a gf and offers literally nothing in return.

This guy doesn't know:

a) how much damage he is doing to others

b) how much damage he is psychologically doing to himself

Also, it sounds like he has been getting away relatively cleanly with these chicks, but I've had chicks put me in jail for feeling scorn when I didn't even do anything, so I'm going to say this guy will be in jail at some point or throwing plates physical violence scenario as he realizes what it means to destroy a woman's psyche.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

 
Aug 22, 2020 - 5:04pm

lol

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

 
Aug 8, 2020 - 3:45am

I don't have a timeline for marriage, marriage was never really my thing. I have a timeline to become a millionaire and that is still a fairly conservative number (40). A long-term relationship would be good to have by my early 30s tho, say 32, with someone that is between 21 and 26 so they maintain their looks longer.

 
  • Analyst 2 in Other
Aug 10, 2020 - 12:11pm

That 22 year old is not necessarily a catch...

I'm just reposting so this isn't hidden under a boat load of comment trees - this is for all the late 30s men out there dating hot crazy young women who think they're hot **** and can settle down whenever they want with the beautiful, nice 23 year old:

Would you be together if it weren't for the money? Probably not. If you lost all of it one day, is there any guarantee that she'd willingly love you and choose you? No. Think Wolf of Wall Street - even "good" women that you think are "the One" will be willing to leave you.

At the end of the day, inauthentically sacrificing true partnership for the material things in life that men like you provide is too high an ethical cost for girls who will actually make good, mentally stable wives. The hot, young, long-term partner that gives more than she gets won't seriously date you. Even those who are truly attracted to you and love you - we don't want to introduce you to our friends or parents if we're 24 and you're 35. Or, conversely as you've seen Isaiah_53_5, her parents won't want her to be with you.

What you're left with are:

1) the gold-diggers, even if they don't know it themselves and are polished / have a "nice" and "kind" sheen to them, and
2) the crazies who will rely on you for their entire life - money, friends, validation - even if they mask it well. If you want someone who's unstable and fully reliant, that's fine and I've seen it done, but that's not a healthy relationship.

If by some chance you do land a good woman - she will never feel like your equal, even if you are seriously dating. She will become a shell of herself. What you have will never really feel like it's hers, and she'll know it and act differently as a result, even if you don't realize. She'll be in her head.

This isn't just my experience, other hot friends in their early 20s also feel the same - and all of us have slowly crept back our max age filters from 40 to 35 to 32 because we have done it a few times, are genuinely kind, and have begun to realize that social economic models on paper (rich men, beautiful women, and the supply / demand curves associated) are great frequently on paper but do not account for the friction of implementation in real life.

If you want to play the field, best of luck to you - I'm sure you can still fuck.

But my recommendation to you if you decide you want a real, long-term partner? Stop chasing the 23 y/os and go for someone late 20s that you actually are compatible with - keep it well within a decade (eg. she's done well too).

I have male friends talking marriage late 20s and tell them they could probably wait out for better. But if you are early 30s and find a girl you like, and are actually marriage-oriented long-term, settle down - that's the upper end of which younger women will be genuinely attracted to you, social circles will mesh, and a marriage based on genuine partnership actually makes sense.

Some men tend to chase bigger, brighter trophies in every part of their life - and that is OK. But if you can have the wherewithal to set your ego aside, acknowledge that relationships can be more than just another notch or accomplishment, and start getting to know someone for more than just sex and the fringe benefits of companionship - change that mentality to a real, lifelong commitment that will take care of you when you're 60 and not leave you the way Katie Lee left Billy Joel once she got famous of her own accord.

Consider the notion that it could add to your personal growth and provide you a sense of peace that you don't get when you're out with a 24 year old at a Michelin star restaurant trying to suss out if she's actually okay with the 13-year old age gap. Newsflash: she's not. Even if you think there's great chemistry, she's really kind, etc - she's not that OK with it and wouldn't choose it if she wasn't out for #1.

TL;DR: Monkeys on this site need to stop fetishizing being older / rich and getting with hot girls in their early 20s because it "looks good" and "makes sense" on paper, and should think instead about building genuine connections with others that will enrich your lives in a real, non-toxic way. Unless you're just trying to fuck - that's fine too. But at some point, preferably in your early 30s, it might make sense to consider trying to become mature enough to seek out the responsibility associated with marriage, kids, and what not. Past that, the mature women in your target age range might not actually want you, and the girls you're filtering from are of lower quality ethically and mentally than if you were 5 years younger.

The synergies are higher than you're accounting for, and the implementation costs you've factored in are too low.

 
  • Analyst 2 in Other
Aug 10, 2020 - 6:40pm

Also - why the MS? Sorry if I made you feel bad, but full shout out to my parents for enforcing a "values first" approach... just much more fulfilled dating someone closer to my age, and have anecdotal evidence from friends <25 that have made the same transition - 32 seems to be our max, and the qualities we look for in a husband are not the ones people like the OP display looking at his post history. This was meant mostly to be a PSA to those basing connections off of superficial traits first and the rest after, from someone who is absolutely not bitter and has the superficial qualities some of you are looking for - and is aware that they fade with time, so best to actually build a life with someone who doesn't see you as a trophy first :)

That's me for the night

 
  • Analyst 2 in Other
Aug 10, 2020 - 11:29pm

Sorry to edit - I realize the original post is below - the point is that the pretty girl who flocks to you because you say “I’m rich and older!” is not the one older men should try to marry for a fulfilling relationship. And the ones you would want to date will self-select out because it feels wrong.

Importantly, women <25 are still developing and shouldn’t be considered viable partners for men who are 35 and up - it can often feel a bit strange for any girl worth her salt due to the high degree of imbalance in both maturity / life experience and wealth. I do think age gaps matter less as the woman grows older and has her feet on the ground.

 
Aug 10, 2020 - 5:50pm

^This an amazing point.

Women police themselves in away. There's a huge social cost for women in their twenties who date older men (mostly amongst other women). The women who are willing to pay that price are not the women you want to wife

Also, I think it's incredibly entitled that you all think a twenty year old smart, thoughtful, ambitious, beautiful girl who's 'in her prime' as you say, would settle for a 35 year old guy even when you admit she has all the options in the world... this argument in itself is contradictory

Array
 
  • Intern in IB - Ind
Aug 10, 2020 - 6:42pm

Also, just to pile onto this, when its a 35 year old guy hitting you up, you know an aspect of the relationship it is for you to be a trophy wife of some type. Whether it's looks or intelligence, or prestige of job, an large aspect of it for the guy is to show off that he got a younger woman. Then whatever relationship is going to be based on that and it becomes a really shaky base for any sort of genuine connection.

The kicker is that the guy gets all the credit, the girl is looked down upon for being a gold digger by society, and that's her burden to bear. honestly, no sane girl who wants a genuine connection will be willing to carry that burden for the entirety of the relationship

Array
 
Aug 11, 2020 - 12:45pm
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