Would you report your boss for having a weird conversation?

I need some help from the community on how to handle this issue.

So I was working with my boss at night (night meaning around 7, not the afternoon), but we were in different locations, so going back and forward about a company we cover. He starts asking me questions about the conference call, then out of nowhere sendings three texts (texts not pics), talking about his man parts. I texts him back saying I didn't understand what he was talking about, then you kept going with the company, not recognizing if it were a mistake or on purpose.

We don't really joke around about stuff like that which made it even more odd, but he does fly off the handle a lot and talks down to me. He also runs very hot and cold. It wasn't a message like he was hitting on him or anything (he's married and I'm a guy, though he could be secretly gay), but it was just very odd.

My question is, has anyone ever had this occur or them, and should I say something to my company's HR department?

 

Depends on 2 things: 1) Can you discuss this with your boss before going to HR? 2) How much do you trust the HR department?

If you think you can discuss with your boss, then do so. Let him know it was inappropriate, not something to be discussed in any matter, etc.

If you don't think your boss can handle a conversation like that, then another option is going to HR. I asked if you trust your HR department because if this happened at my company, the answer would be no (you may have a far more professional HR department than I am accustomed to). If you do bring this up to HR, you have proof of what was said. The result may not be completely satisfactory (i.e. harassment training that doesn't deter him) or your boss may deduce it was you leading to more headaches (possible retaliation).

I'm not trying to dissuade you from going to HR. You have far more information about the reputation of the HR department/company works and how professional they are. It's up to you to choose the best course of action and I'm trying to provide some food for thought. Good luck.

 
ironman32:
He starts asking me questions about the conference call, then out of nowhere sendings three texts (texts not pics), talking about his man parts. I texts him back saying I didn't understand what he was talking about, then you kept going with the company, not recognizing if it were a mistake or on purpose.

Like, 'bro my balls itch a lot today?' or something sexual? It's a bit different. What did he say?

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee
 

I would not say something to HR. HR at your company may be different, but HR is generally going to have a "cover the company's ass/legal liabilities at all costs" mentality, and they could turn an honest mistake/misunderstanding into a really big deal unnecessarily. If it was clearly intentional, inappropriate behavior, that's one thing, but this could have been a wrong number text.

 

Agree with the other commentors. Don't make this into an issue. It was probably a wrong number text and even if it wasn't just brush it off and don't make an issue about it. Now if it becomes a habit, then you may want to bring it up. And if it gets to that point, go talk to him directly and tell him to stop, don't go tattle tale to HR. Don't bring HR into things unless absolutely necessary.

 

Happy to hear it solved itself. ;) Have had a lot of weird talks with superiors but never about a topic involving sexuality. Usually i try to be as tolerant and open-minded as possible, since i would want the same treatment after a bad day but there are of course limits. For example i could live without getting the ideological worldview from someone else force-fed into my brain on a daily basis.

 

Sounds like it's resolved, but I would have ignored it the first time as it could have been intended for someone else. If it became a pattern, then I'd ask him about it.

I would only ever go to HR as a complete last resort and if it was obvious and well documented harassment (and only after involving an outside lawyer).

Junior folks take note - HR IS NOT YOUR FRIEND. They are risk mitigation for senior management of the company. They are not on your side, and they are generally not motivated to help you.

Involving them usually will piss off whoever you are reporting, and HR steps in to figure out how do we not get sued and what is the lowest cost way to make this issue go away.

 
TechBanking:

Junior folks take note - HR IS NOT YOUR FRIEND. They are risk mitigation for senior management of the company. They are not on your side, and they are generally not motivated to help you.

Involving them usually will piss off whoever you are reporting, and HR steps in to figure out how do we not get sued and what is the lowest cost way to make this issue go away.

Definitely good points.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee
 

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