The 5 Most Common Regrets of Young Adults
While I understand that quoting anything from the Huffington Post causes me to lose credibility by the second, I do think that a recent write up by HBS alumni, Daniel Gulati, had an interesting premise.
Gulati apparently interviewed 100 young people between the ages of 25 and 35. Yes, that is not exactly what I would call an scientific sample size either. Nonetheless, Gulati asked these young people what they regretted the most. At the end of it all, he got some pretty deep answers. The introspection went something along the lines of these five most common regrets:
1. I wish I was doing something useful
Without a doubt, the overarching regret of the people I surveyed centered around their life's purpose. With the natural excitement of their first jobs now muted, many were staring down the barrel of a career in corporate America ("Five years down, 35 to go," one quipped) or somewhere else in business. Accordingly, many concluded that their jobs, and indeed their lives, did not serve a purpose beyond the mere superficial. When I dug deeper, "doing something useful" often meant "doing something useful for other people." This regret was so common that it seemed fundamental.2. I wish I didn't waste so much time earlier in life
In a surprising finding, many young people desperately wanted to turn back the clock to their "even younger" years. Most referred back to their college days as time spent socializing, partying and, as one put it, "experiencing the edges of life." Looking back, many perceived this era as lost setup time. There was a feeling that, knowing what they do now, many would actually use all their college years as a platform for something other than what they were currently doing. Showered with endless free time and world-class resources around campus, this was a lost opportunity to do something, as one put it, "Zuckerberg-great."3. I wish I had I travelled more
Having earned the disposable income to travel overseas, many recounted with delight stories of offshore adventures. Some boasted of exciting relationships forged across continents, and almost everyone wanted to rack up more mileage than they had been able to. But, with many now married or in long-term relationships, their short-term focus has turned to spending time with their spouses, with many planning for their first or second child. With those overseas adventures on the backburner for the next five to 10 years, it was obvious that some still hadn't quite shaken the travel bug.4. I wish I was physically fit
Building solid careers and relationships takes time, and for many, physical fitness was an early casualty. Some young men and women recounted their "glory days" on the high school football field or basketball court, and those who weren't gym class heroes simply wished they had taken better care of their bodies as they rage towards the middle of their lives. Physical fitness, many argued, was all-pervasive: By maintaining it, you held the key to a better work life and a better life at home. The oft-cited enemy? "After-work drinks."5. I wish I learned to live in the moment
Many of those in the room were taught all their lives to set goals, work hard to achieve them, only to then set a still higher bar. In the process of living a life looking forward, many felt they had lost the capacity to look down and enjoy the moments that today's life presents. Many recounted days when time seemed to move slower, "days where you could just sit in the backyard all afternoon." But those days, to many, seemed all but over after the skill of living in the moment had long left them.
Okay, yes, we could all be hitting the gym twice a day and not be killing plates of bangers and mash. But the reason I am putting this here is because WSO has a pretty young demographic. I assume most people here are some where between the ages of 25-35. I also surmise that most users in the workforce can probably relate to Number 1’s “I wish I was doing something useful.”
So, what do you regret the most? Which of the five above do you find relating to the easiest? It may be possible to regret nothing, but how do you cope with regretful thoughts?
I don't have any of those regrets.
I wish I was dating Candice Swanepoel
I'm all of them except 5. College was a very fun time though
the pic clearly demonstrates 4...
Very accurate.
Well fuck, that just got me depressed. I definitely agree with all but #3 - I've been lucky enough to be able to travel a lot throughout my entire life, and travel internationally for work. But I think living in the moment is a big one - I feel like I'm always looking to what's next and feeling guilty if I'm not working towards it when, instead, I should tone that down slightly and learn to live more for what's going on now.
Interesting post though - thanks for sharing MF.
any regrets you have MF?
I was once at a closing dinner with a senior banker who gave me the following life recommendations (granted we were each about 4 whiskeys in and he was on his 3rd wife so take it for what it is worth):
1) Never get married or at least wait until you are absolutely ready to have kids
2) Assuming that you are dumb enough to get married, either:
A) Get married young enough so that you can get divorced before you build any substantial wealth
or
B) Get married as late as possible so that you are certain of who you are and who you want to spend the rest of your life with (also draft an airtight pre-nup just in case)
I found this to be incredibly poignant at the time and at least worthy of serious consideration
Regrets are useless except as a means to learn from your mistakes
i regret all the hours i wasted reading huffpo
Personally, I only agree with travel. I need to travel internationally while I still have the time. Besides that, I am a very fortunate man to have the life I have.
I regret not training harder in college. 10 shots in a row is no longer impressive. These days college kids are binging like never before. They always seem to be 5 shots ahead of me after I challenge them at the bars. No matter how much vodka I practice funneling, I can never be as good as them...
WHAT DOES IT TAKE TO BEAT YOU KIDS???
Don't really have any of those regrets listed. I regret a few things though:
1) Not ditching religion earlier - going to a parochial school through high school was definitely the biggest waste of my life and held me back from doing things that would have been more productive and fulfilling, like more sports, learning an instrument, or slamming clunge. This is my biggest regret by a long shot.
2) Building on my #1- not having pursued martial arts more seriously. Took some classes in college but did not develop a level of expertise good enough to be able to stick up for myself or others in a physical manner when necessary. I love seeing all these finance people so cocky and confident, but put 95% of them in a bar fight (including me) and they will pussy out.
3) Not having worked just a bit harder in college in the first 2 years to get the better career. I still made it to a decent firm and am doing fine, but that extra internship or leadership activity would certainly have helped me get to the "top 3" or "elite" type of firms often discussed on these forums
4) Commuting to college - sure I saved money but definitely missed out on a lot of partying and getting laid. Now with a banking job it's harder to find the time to meet as many women, and tougher to meet pretty girls without buying bottle service (which I refuse to do).
5) Not reading enough. I hardly find the time to enjoy a good book these days, as my time would rather be spent recruiting, exercising, or pursuing chicks.
Overall though, I try not to live life with regrets. Best to appreciate what you have and make the best of it.
It's like seeing my double.
1. Slamming Clunge x 1,000,000. Fuck I hated going to an all-male Catholic school.
2. I should never have given up martial arts. The moment I did, fitness went tits up
3. I dicked around and drank too much. No internships, no work experience. I was just lucky that I was graduating during the boom when there were plenty of jobs in IB
4. I should have moved out of home earlier. It was cheaper but life would have been a lot more fun if I were living in a share house (there's not much on-campus living in Australia). I certainly would have plundered more clunge (I love that word)
5. I never get time to read outside of work, depressing. Particularly when you're trying to re-skill into something more meaningful
Can't say life is shit. Most people would kill for the life I've got. I just wish I'd worked that bit harder at making it better.
I'm 29 and these are dead on.
To add to the debate:
Check this out:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ka8L1YMR88U?feature=player_embedded
No regrets - there's nothing I'd want to change. Regardless of whether it's good or bad, it's an irreplaceable part of my life that helped me shape who I am today, and I accept it all. Don't regret, don't gloat - just keep moving forward...
Yes, I did wish I had taken care of my body more when I was younger, but now, I stopped wishing & worked out instead haha. Also, I do wish I have more opportunities to travel, but there's time and place for everything - now is just not it..
This thread reminds me of this youtube video. 50 random people, 1 question. What's your biggest life regret? In case anyone is interested, here's the video. (first time embedding a video - hope it works haha..)
http://www.youtube.com/embed/LP7pdAn3foE?rel=0
That was an incredible video. I'm about to finish college and begin my IB stint very soon, so this hit home. Transition points are always great for reflection, but with reflection also come opportunities to regret.
That being said, I think the lady at the 9 min mark hit the nail on the head when she said try not to have any regrets, as it only leads to more negativity. Just take life as it comes. Sure, with hindsight it's easy to say you would have done things differently, but the fact is you didn't have the luxury of hindsight. An interesting paradox. Shakespeare's -- "past is prologue" -- line also comes to mind when I think about regret. What happened in the past is just setting the stage for the future.
The dude at the 9:40 mark made me lol pretty hard haha.
I wake up every morning, and no matter how shitty my situation seems, I try to appreciate what I have compared to what some people go through life.
You can fix each one of the conclusions reached by the author one way or another. Think of all the situations that people around the world find themselves in. Families torn apart by acts of war, natural disasters, disease and epidemics. How many people live under the poverty line, are rape victims in third-world countries, or work for a couple quarters a day in sweat shops? I could go on..
Pausing momentarily to reflect on your past and your shortcomings should serve as fuel.
Agree 100%, everyone on this forum has won the global lottery of life.
I regret my days as a troll. Doing much better now though. Been clean for two days.
This survey may be a more psychological thing. I.e., when you think about regrets, all but the outliers of a society will have pretty similar ones. Especially here in America (specifically, numbers 2,3 and 4).
I think the key to being happy, once you discover your place, is to let go of fear and do what you truly want.
Travel, for instance, is an issue because we're afraid of wingin' it to another country and working nights at a club for survival money (check). Same with being in shape: many people won't dedicate the 30 minutes a day of jogging that it takes to stay fit (check too).
rofl at boreed. this is a great video op.
Seems like a giant case of hindsight bias. Seens sorta contradictory too - they wanted to plan more and do something useful in college, but they want to live in the moment more? Looks like people who are simply thinking about their lives too much rather than actually living them.
Totally agree; hindsight bias is the most appropriate term here.
Eh victim of number 5. I often view today as nothing more than a 'staging' time in my life until I finish my MBA and begin working my 'real career'. Pretty crappy outlook maybe but why aspire for more if you only care about what you have today? As far as partying more in college... I fried out after first two years so buckled down last two to make sure I graduated w/ solid grades.
My #1 regret without a doubt is not having more sex. I know the ladies of WSO are probably rolling their eyes as they read this, but...whatever, I am not even going make the effort for justifying that.
"boy i hate the fact that i'm doing something so useless, but i do it anyways". LOL.
No regrets at all. Great childhood, ridiculous aesthetics, banged plenty chicks, went to a preftigious school, landed at a preftigious group at a preftigious firm, moved to the preftigious buyside, paid off all my parents debt, got an insanely hot and very domesticated girlfriend who I'll probably propose to soon. Livin the preftigious dream of an immigrant baby. U mad?
THIS. Life's all about trade-offs. BTW this lifestyle is not glamorous as it seems, it is very prestigious but greed takes over. That hot and very domesticated gf becomes a wife and you want another hot and very domesticated gf. Besides, after seeing Dubai, who needs to travel anymore
Best quote of that video, "none - I'm alive and I'm happy to be here"
Glad people like the video. :)
Honestly, I don't think I have any regrets.
You can only do the best you can with what you know at the time. If you learn something after the fact, just remember it for next time and move on. Life's too short to dwell on it.
I think the whole thing could be more honestly phrased as:
THIS.
Indeed.
Damn.
I wish I was little bit taller, I wish I was a baller I wish I had a girl who looked good I would call her I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat and a '64 Impala
If I had a million dollars, I'd buy a damn brewery and turn the planet into alcoholics. If I had a magic wand, I'd make the world suck my dick without a condom on while I'm on the john. If I had a million bucks, it wouldn't be enough cos I'd still be out robbing armored trucks. If I had one wish, I would ask for a big enough ass for the whole world to kiss.
Looking back, I definitely wished I majored in economics and computer science in college. I would have so much more opportunities than I do now.
Travelling is great, although I think it's somewhat overrated. Young professional people, especially women, tend to use travelling as a badge of social status, "oh, i LOVE to travel! I recently came back from colombia!" and proceed to post dozens of photos on their facebook page.
1 and 2 contradict with 3 and 5...and maybe even 4 no?
definitely. the ultimate irony of this whole thing is "I wish I didn't party and live in the moment in college"....but then people say...."I wish I had lived more in the moment..."
the ultimate sacrifice of many of our lives is that we've given up living in the moment for delayed gratification. let's hope our bets pay off.
Very good, das ! 1+ SB point for you.
I wish I had not had that injury that destroyed my tennis career. I would have been playing with the big boys today. I wish I attended a top target like HYPS. Atleast society would have thought better of me. I wish I could go the promised land of PE and make the big bucks like Newguy and wikicpa.
I'm surprised nobody said they wish they've gotten more poon.
Sorry, it's just me-can't never get enough. I'll slow down maybe by the time I'm 75 -wish me luck !
I went to hs prom with the cpt of the cheerleading team, 1 yr compulsary military service in my country whipped me into shape, I lived on 5 continents, moved into a frat house during college, now I've got an "elite" job... I guess I don't share most regrets articulated here.
That being said:
1) I should've never studied anything business. I envy all the guys who studied physics, CS or philosophy and got something useful or interesting out of the years they dedicated to expanding their knowledge. They can easily pick up business 101 in a few weeks time - but when am I ever gonna dive into anything non-trivial? Fuck my business major.
2) Financier4Hire, I've had my fair share of experiences there. But being in my mid-20s now and looking back: I've never had a gf who I wouldn't have left within 10 seconds for a prettier one! Every once in a while people get sentimental about a time when they shared a few months of bliss with their hs/ college crush. Whenever I had a gf the only thing I thought about was the next upgrade. Aesthetically, I've always dated girls outside of my league... but I probably made too many sacrifices in other aspects. Thus overall, my non-platonic relationships have always been severly lacking not quantity but rather quality. Not cool.I've heard this from many people in business. They all learned on the job.
At times I wonder if I should of joined the military I would of been in shape college would of been free instead of having to pay off loans come Dec. Trying to get into shape now isn't easy.
As a philosophy major maybe I can offer you some comfort in the knowledge that my first year in finance was filled with long evenings and weekends studying all sorts of trivial business stuff. If someone could have pointed me in the right direction I am sure I could have done it in a few weeks, but the main problem was that I simply didn't know what I needed to know so I wasted tons of time on stuff I never use.
I once heard: "You regret more the things you never do/try, than the things you do try and do not materialise/turn out well". Very true.
You'll always fight with your own projection of "what would have been if...". Most of the time you are the harshest judge of yourself, as you know where it hurts. And your projection may or may not be realistic. You'll never know. Happily, in the end, it doesn't even matters aside from what you can learn for the next time you have to decide.
Moreover, the beautiful thing about our mind is "selective memory"... after a while one tends to remember things in a better light, or lightly. Sure, some scars remain, but if you learned your lessons, scars can help you focus for the future.
Regrets, there are some. Perhaps professionally, mine was that I turned an amazing opportunity at a small shop (4 guys) for a "prestigious name" with "great exit opportunities and solid CV contribution"... well, (i) it was not just gold what did shine, (ii) at the time of the exit opps I wanted something different and (iii) I am inclined to think the other gig would have been a better ride with more fun.
The original artcile reads like a list of loser's regrets. Don't get me wrong but, besides the turning back in time one, each and every one of those things can start to happen today. And this could be said for a 70 year old as well. 'I wish I was physically fit' is beyond ridiculous - stop answering stupid polls and start doing some push ups.
Saw a Swagon comment and got my hopes up. Then saw it was dated 4/5/12.
RIP Swag
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