Hi guys - I am applying to a consulting firm and would please like your thoughts/advice on this cover letter. I have looked at various sources online/wso but I would be grateful for your critique too. Thanks!
| Attachment | Size |
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| WSO Cover Letter Review.pdf 49.38 KB | 49.38 KB |
Oh man, that's really bad.
You need to make it way more concise, use business language, and no use of metaphors, or passive language. Don't end it with "yours faithfully", who says that? Grammar and flow is a bit off, and your use of big words is hurting you in places. Additionally, the format is a bit off, and can be improved.
Thanks for the critique BTbanker - I guess I should dilute the experience paragraph (since it is the largest)? How can I improve the format? Or rather could you please tell me specifically where it is off so I can correct it. And faithfully was in the vault guide - it did sound odd to me too.
I'd recommend taking a look at the book Polished by R. Scott Morris. It has some pretty good resume/cover letter building tips.
The thing that I've always been told, and it is true in my experience, is that a great cover letter won't get you a job/interview but a bad one will ensure you don't get a job/interview. Always keep that in mind when making a cover letter. Keep it concise, grammatically correct, and only put details that you believe will make the reviewer take a look at your resume closely(or closer). The point of a cover letter is to entice the reviewer to first look at your resume and second spend a few extra seconds looking at it he/she may not have otherwise.
Thanks Simple As - I guess I lost sight of that. A ton of other places put more emphasis on it but folks on here do echo what you say. I am not sure if that is an IB trait seeping through or it holds true for consulting firms too. Different places on the net has different recommendations, which is why it's tricky to find out which route to take. I will try to find that Morris book online and pick something up from it. Were there any specific comments you had about this one though? Is the overall tack wrong or does it just need diluting? Thanks again man; appreciate you taking the time.
No problem. Glad to offer my two cents.
There's a reason there is no consensus on the web about the importance of a cover letter or a best format, etc. It depends on the job, company, industry, etc. It also depends highly on the specific person who first handles your cover letter/resume and even his/her mood/time of day, etc.
With that being said, the only thing you can do is attempt to maximize your chances of success. The best ways I know how to do that are as follows:
Post it on here and have people look at it. Have your career services people look at it. Have a professor look at it. Resume services
The far and away best ways, though: Have someone in the industry to which you are applying sit down with you and go through it line by line. Have someone at the places you are applying look at it with you. (Bc they obviously know how to get hired there)
I'll break down the cover letter as is by paragraph:
1) My name is John Smith and I am a recent graduate of PSU with a bachelors of arts in political science. I was introduced to your firm by xxx and would like to be considered for the xxx position at your firm.
2) Cut the whole thing. I'll explain later.
3) In this paragraph you want to talk about skills rather than specific tasks. Skills are transferrable, tasks are not. I like to state an experience and the the skills I gained from it and an example of a skill I used to go above and beyond my basic responsibilities/what was needed. Also, concerning the last sentence, it should be implied you believe you are capable and motivated to do the job. No need to write it.
4) In conclusion, I believe my past experiences make me a particularly good fit for the xxx position at your firm. Thank you for your consideration and look forward to hearing from you soon. Use sincerely, also.
You're not going to get any interviews by telling people what they can do for you (paragraph 2). It's ok to tell people you want to learn and grow (especially when applying for internships) but make sure they know you bring skills to the table and will be able to contribute if/when given the chance. Make sure you don't sound like a know it all douche who thinks he's going to walk in to an internship and start adding value day 1. But be confident in your experiences and abilities.
Simple As... mentioned most of the things I would say. Overall, it's too formal and verbose. For example, no one would say "I graciously request consideration for the internship ...." or "I also developed cross-funcational capabilities by liaising...". (It's also unclear what you mean by "cross-fucntional capabilities.")
If I can add one thing, I'd say get rid of the 2nd paragraph and make the third paragraph into two paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on one work experience and the SKILLS that you gained. Right now, that one paragraph is just a jumble of everything you've done so far in terms of work experience. It just reads very poorly.
Firstly, Simple As...and pnb2002 - THANK YOU for your comments [especially the extensive remarks and for offering that template, Simple As - really helped me out a lot] and pushing me in the right direction.
I've written a second draft based on your comments and advice, and replaced it as the pdf in the OP. Please do take a quick look if you can. It was difficult but ultimately, the second draft looks much cleaner, simpler, and importantly shorter.
P.S. the line about the referral; let me get his confirmation first to use his name as a point of contact and then I'll change it; if not, I will take it out.
Not enough "comparison" setnences; consulting firms love seeing those. For example, I'm the first person in my class to do XXXX and to achieve YYY on certain competition. I'm the founder and only person in the state of Pennslvania to conduct a survey project on ZZZZ, and so on.
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