Private Credit is Paradise

After attending countless info sessions, coffee chatting dozens of incoming summer analysts, and most importantly, buying LinkedIn Premium, the PennClubs application has finally opened. DMing PMs over the summer, you know they were impressed that you'd already purchased LinkedIn Premium and had researched the minute details of their courses and careers.

You have your sights set on the most prestigious investing club on campus: the Penn Private Credit Group.

From what you've heard, the place is practically a pipeline to credit funds like Apollo and Oaktree - the senior members are always surrounded by the university's most well-connected students at the best events, where they laugh at the plebeians going to banks.

And, you know the hierarchy. After reading the WSO post, the only real teams are Direct Lending, Special Situations, and Real Estate, then in descending order: Mezzanine, Distressed, Secondaries, and Structured Credit if you can tough it. So, you choose to apply to Direct Lending and Special Situations. To the moon, right?

Cracking your knuckles, you get to work crafting the best 500-word investment memo that's ever been seen on Spirit Airlines (you heard some senior talking about it in the forum so while you've never flown it, it must be a good airline).

Two weeks later, your work pays off. In your email, it reads "[ACTION REQUIRED] Direct Lending Interview Request". You eagerly click open the email and place your name in the first time slot on the Google Sheet.

The next morning, you head to your interview in your most stylish suit and the Ferragamo deal sleds you took with you from your father's closet - he won't miss them, they're one of 6 pairs.

Awaiting you in Huntsman Hall sit two interviewers. The most polished woman you've ever seen looks you up and down while her Cartier Tank Solo is barely fitting on her wrist. The other interviewer is a distinguished, muscular man with the entire wardrobe from Bonobos and Allen Edmonds, and freshly shaven face.

You introduce yourself, and take a seat. They begin to ask you about your investment memo, and you quote r/creditanalysis. Then, they ask you, "How many coffee shops are in Manhattan?"

You freeze. And you ask yourself. What would Howard Marks do? Taking a deep breath, you confidently respond: "If you look hard enough, you'll find a coffee shop in every corner of Manhattan, and with the right underwriting, any of them can be a great investment." And begin reciting the principles of credit investing.

Impressed, the interviews turn to each other chuckling, they've obviously never seen an applicant as skilled and prepared as you before. Only a select few Penn students have read Howard Marks, Seth Klarman, and the even more rare, Bruce Flatt. With the sum of your finance knowledge and interpersonal skills, these interviewers are blown away. You're obviously on the path to being the first second semester Direct Lending Analyst.

You walk out of your interview, knowing you killed it. You're basically guaranteed a spot in Direct Lending at this point, and thus, a spot at Apollo. Moreover, you'll be the envy of your entire NSO PHINS group, full of pretentious losers studying Political Science.

A few days later, you receive a Status Update: email, this time from Special Situations. You didn't get in. But it's okay. You know your Direct Lending interview was spectacular, and you can always transfer into another PPCG team later.

Finally, the wait is over. Rolling into your inbox reads "PPCG Status Update".

Dear Applicant,

This year was an incredibly competitive year for committee applications. While we cannot offer