BB BATHROOMS ARE PARADISE

You wake up in sweat. The alarm has been ringing for the past 30 minutes. You look at the time and realize it's 7:30am - a whole 30 minutes past your usual morning routine. You're not sure why you didn't wake up earlier. Was it the three Taco Bell beef bean burritos you had for dinner? Or was it the four cups of coffee you needed to stay awake till 3am? You quickly remember that it doesn't matter, because investment banking is the life you graciously signed up for. You rush to the bathroom to shower and change for work as you realize you won't get to spend more than 15 minutes in the shower. 

15 minutes later. You call an Uber, pass Madison Avenue, and rush to your desk a mere 15 seconds before your MD walks in. Whew. Close one. You think back to your days in college - a target school (think Boston College, NYU, Northeastern) - and reminisce about barely making it to class on-time. You realize that your inbox is flooding and quietly mumble about the fortunate opportunity to work at a top BB with prestige (think GS, MS, JPM).

Thirty minutes into your morning, you realize that Taco Bell and coffee don't complement one another, and proceed to feel the your stomach churning. You remember you have a meeting in 30 minutes, but also see your MD head for the nearest bathroom. You can't possibly let it rip while your MD is unloading. You sit back in your seat as you experience painful turbulence in your stomach and with the uncontrollable feeling to go number two.

As your forehead begins to perspire, you begin to grasp the situation at hand, which leaves you with two options. One, head to the bathroom right now and peacefully unload before your next meeting. Two, wait for the MD to leave, yet this could be a fatal mistake due to the recurring habit of senior bankers to stink up the bathrooms. You decide it's better to take the first option. After all, you did tip your MD a generous portion of your bonus (think 1% - 5%). 

As you get up from your chair, you hear the door open, it's the MD. You register that he only had to go number one. You quickly excuse yourself and head towards the door. You finally get the chance to be free. As you walk in, you recognize the importance of working in such a high caliber and prestigious group (think M&A, TMT, HC). Often, bathroom status equates to bank status, and you can proudly say you work at a top firm. You feel emotions of relief go through with appreciation for the custodians (who will probably have to clean up after you stink up the shop). 

You think back to your moments in high school and college, and recall the disgusting aura of the restrooms, particularly during finals week. Without a doubt, you believe that your most peaceful time in banking was spent in the bathroom. Your cubicle, which looks out from the 43rd floor in New York, has nothing on the lighting and silent nature of the bathroom stall. To you the bathroom is more than simply a means to unload, but a safe area to cope from late night MD terrors and pitch book nightmares. It's a place where you have always been welcome to flee for a break - plus it didn't hurt that the toilet paper (think charmin, grove, quilted northern) was extra soft and cushy. 

As you return to your desk, you marvel at your decision to land a role in investment banking. You truly feel blessed because of the opportunity to work at such a reputable and prestigious bank, especially with the bathroom benefits that are in place. 

You sigh and think to yourself:

BB Bathrooms are Paradise