Monkeys, I was reading someone else's post about war stories, wanted to kick off a thread about the best cock-ups you've seen, or maybe your 'friend' committed.
My personal favourite:
First year analyst (kid is a rock start) is sitting in the cab with three MDs on the way to an RFP pitch. The MDs are planning who's going to say what, and talk to which pages. Kid realises that some of the pages they are talking about are not in the book.
When they get out of the car: - Rockstar to MD: "some of those pages that you talked about are not in the book" - MD: "you'll have to repeat that, it didn't make any sense" - Rockstar: "some of the pages you talked about, they aren't in the book" - MD: "Why The Fuck Not!" -Rockstar: "when we went through the book last night, you pulled those pages out and put them on the floor, so I deleted them" MD walks away for a couple seconds, composes himself. - MD: "ok, give me the book" MD looks through the book, swears a bit, then explains the change of plan to the other MDs.
Rockstar wants to disappear the whole elevator trip, meeting starts: - MD to potential clients: "Look, we're not going to waste your time with a lot of pages telling you what we know about your company, the industry, or our creds, let's just get right to the strategy"
Short answer to the question did they win the pitch: No
Side note, Rockstar got poached by PE, he gave notice on the day bonuses hit the account, so good news to kids that have seriously cocked-up, there's still hope.
The fuck is a cock up? Is that like when you lay down on your stomach and lift yourself up with your boner?
I ain't no snitch.
We had a 1980's-era binding machine at my boutique. I use the term "machine" loosely, because it was totally manual--line up about 6 sheets at a time, use the lever to punch the holes, and set them aside until you had a fully punched book. Then you could put in the comb, pry it open, and settle the pages into your bound book.
IT WAS AWFUL. A run of 10 50-page books took FOREVER.
I was rushing to get a set of books done for a pitch, and in my hurry, one (just one) of the books ended up totally and completely out of order. Section IV had a handful of pages from Section II in it, Section V and Section III were switched, it was a total mess. And of course, who gets that one book? The CEO of the business, the recipient of the pitch.
We didn't win the pitch. My team went easy on me because they could see I was pretty torn up about it, but it's not like they were thrilled.
Biggest one I have seen was by a new analyst who had just joined our team. On Friday evening a potential client requested that we pitch to them in another European country on the Tuesday morning (we were in London). It was a super confidential demerger of a large corporate followed by a number of transformational M&A opps.
A team of 3 of us pulled together a great book, spot on and really working around the clock. We all left the office at 5am on the Tuesday morning, knowing the MD flew out at 8am the next morning, with the analyst trusted to courier the books.
At 6:30am I'm woken by a call to my personal phone, it's the MD asking where the book is and why the analyst wasn't answering his phone... After many frantic calls and emails to the analyst, it turned out the analyst had managed to incorrectly transcribe the MDs address on the envelope of the books, and the books had been posted to house number 21, not 12...
MD went to the pitch without any books, they were subsequently emailed over, but somehow he secured the mandate. No repercussions for the analyst, he's still well regarded within that team too!
A few years back at a really successful PWM shop we had just hired on a new analyst. He was trying his hardest to make a good impression his first week. Volunteering, asking anyone if they needed help, etc. Poor guy even spent his first days filing papers non-stop trying to be useful.
The advisor eventually got annoyed at him being a try-hard and told him to re-order all office supplies that need to be restocked and handed him his credit card. Half an hour later, we hear the analyst's phone slam with him saying in panic "Oh my god. I'm so fucked.. This can't be happening!". The whole floor looks at each other, wondering what could be so dramatic about ordering office supplies. The analyst quickly gets out of his chair and desperately interrupts the advisor's meeting with a client (a big no-no) and is told to go sort it himself. The guy goes back to his chair obviously distressed. We all wonder wtf just happened. The kid looks stressed for the rest of the week like someone is going to kill him.
Next Monday rolls around and the advisor walks into the office obviously pissed off. He angrily tells everyone to stop what they're doing. Everyone panics. He holds up a box of office supplies and yells "Who the fuck ordered office supplies to my house?!?!" as he throws one of the boxes into the ground.
Everyone looks at each other confused, wondering who could possibly be that stupid. Turns out the kid used the address attached to the advisor's credit card and not the office location when he ordered the supplies. He tried to cancel the order but it was too late. Kid lasted two weeks but the laughs have lasted years.