Comics Sans is Paradise

It's a sunny day out on the West Coast and you can't wait to enter your office and being abusing your MDs, VPs, associates, and Analysts. After all, your name is Frank Quattrone and your resume speaks for itself. 

Most recently, you fleeced Adobe as the sell-side advisor for Figma and money has never come this easy for you.

All of a sudden, a potential 100 bn+ dollar deal lands on your desk. Now, for the first time in your life, you're in a bake-off. The great Qatalyst never does pitches but this deal is one that you have to participate in. 

You take a fat shit in the bathroom and without flushing, walk out of the door. In fact, you leave the door open so that the rest of the office can smell your feces. As you walk over to the bullpen, you tell the newly hired analyst from UChicago to make the pitch deck in Comics Sans. 

"but.. but... WSO says Arial is the most prestigious font..." 

As he complains to you, you begin shoving hot cheetos down your mouth. In your hot cheetos breath, you put him back in his place, and the first ever Comics Sans pitchbook is about to be created. 

About a week later, you invite the CEO into the office. As you start monologuing and he looks through the deck, his eyes almost pop out when he says the prestigious-looking text. 

"uhm, what font is this?" 

"ah yes, I wrote my prenup in Comics Sans and it's bulletproof. If you want your deal to be bulletproof, all official engagements have to also be in Comics Sans."

"what?" 
"just fucking listen to me if you want to scam the buyer"

Reluctantly, the CEO nods. Again, you put someone in their place with your hot cheetos breath. 

Of course, you don't actually like Comics Sans. You just love the fucking power play of having Comic Sans on a pitch deck. 

The deal goes through. You facilitate yet another 100bn+ transaction. You're heralded.

News begins circulating on WSO about the font you used on the pitch decks. Prospects on WSO no longer write in arial. In fact, because of you, all networking emails are written in Comics Sans. MDs begin writing their divorce papers in Comics Sans. PE Associates begin using Comics Sans in everything in order to get promoted to VP and earn carry. VPs furiously change their business cards to be in Comics Sans. DJ David Solomon produces a song called "AVOID GETTING FIRED: COMICS SANS" 

In fact, the "YOURE FIRED" signs in the Goldman Sachs 200 West Headquarters Lobby today were written in Comics Sans.

Comics Sans is life. Comics Sans is paradise.