Dread of Leaving Everything Behind?
Apologies in advance if this sounds immature or whiney, but I thought that people here might be able to understand more of where I’m coming from. Just needed to vent I guess.
I’m a senior in college and incoming IB analyst in a large city. I was raised in the rural southern US by a single immigrant mom who had her entire world turned upside down, but still fought tooth and nail to provide for me and give me every opportunity I could’ve dreamed of. We had to move several times and made sacrifices, but she gave me the chance to go to college and have a normal childhood. My grandparents also played a huge role in raising me, but are now getting older, and it hurts me to see that they are slowing down. Most of my extended family is overseas and while I talk on the phone, I hardly get to see them in person. Their health is also declining.
I am trying to spend as much time as I can with my family before I leave for IB next summer. I know that long hours and lack of work life balance is expected in this role, and after all, it is what I signed up for. However, now that it is hitting me, I’m feeling an immense sense of dread that I am leaving them behind. Part of the reason that I wanted to do IB was so I could make good money and use it to support my family in any emergency, the same way that they did for me. I just don’t know how much time I’ll have to spend with them and if I will even be able to be there when they need help.
Would really appreciate any advice, or some thoughts in case anyone went through something similar. Thanks.
Your family wants you to go be great and achieve the success that you are capable of, you grinded hard to get here and don't forget why you did. It will suck major ass and you are likely not going to see your family much outside of like christmas and your occasional rare vacation, but in the long run the short term sacrifice will set yourself (and your family) up better in the long run. Now emergencies and serious family issues will always come first and I'll tell you to put family over everything, but at the end of the day you have an opportunity to make a positive change in not just your life but your family's as well.
Really appreciate your advice and thank you for reinforcing some of the things I lost sight of. At the end of the day I’ll always value family first but I have an opportunity to help provide some stability to both myself and them.
You're not storming the beaches on D Day, not sure if you'll return to your high school sweetheart. You're going to an office to make formatting changes and move pictures around.
You should not be feeling "dread." You could be feeling nervous, anxious, unsure, because it is a big life step to be a real contributor to society.
Give it a shot and if you hate it then quit. If you don't hate it, make the best of it.
Don't ever forget, it is just a job - you ALWAYS have the choice to say no and walk away.
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