Gallows Humor

Forwarded from a friend at Citi (market caps are a bit outdated):

Gallows humor: Wall Street might have lost tons of money, but that doesn't mean traders have lost their ability to laugh. Some faves making the rounds:

  • What's the definition of optimism?
  • An investment banker who irons five shirts on a Sunday evening.
  • What is the capital of Iceland?
  • About $3.50
  • I tried to get cash from an ATM today, but it said "insufficient funds."
  • I don't know if that meant them or me.
  • What's the difference between an investment banker and a large pizza?
  • The pizza can still feed a family of four.
  • What does a hedge-fund manager with no fund to manage say?
  • Would you like fries with that sir?
  • The credit crunch is getting bad, isn't it?
  • I mean, I let my brother borrow 10 bucks a couple weeks back. It turns out I'm now America's fourth-biggest lender.

One year ago RBS, Santander and Fortis paid $100bn for ABN Amrobank.

For this amount they could now buy:

Citibank $22.5bn

Morgan Stanley $10.5bn

Goldman Sachs $21bn

Merrill Lynch $12.3bn

Deutsche Bank $13bn

Barclays $12.7bn

And still have $8bn change......

with which you would be able to pick up

GM,

Ford,

Chrysler

and the Honda Formula 1 Rac

2 Comments
 

Haha nice.

  • Capt K
- Capt K - "Prestige is like a powerful magnet that warps even your beliefs about what you enjoy. If you want to make ambitious people waste their time on errands, bait the hook with prestige." - Paul Graham
 

Voluptatem sit nihil odit eos id placeat quod. Eos est iusto rem et nemo commodi dolorem. Unde fuga laboriosam iste dicta. Magni voluptates doloribus recusandae voluptatum et delectus. Et commodi tempore dolor sunt deleniti et vitae. Culpa ut ea ut deserunt.

__________ Just my 2c.

Career Advancement Opportunities

November 2026 Investment Banking

  • Evercore 01 99.5%
  • Moelis & Company 01 99.0%
  • JPMorgan 01 98.4%
  • Guggenheim Partners 02 97.9%
  • Morgan Stanley 06 97.4%

Overall Employee Satisfaction

November 2026 Investment Banking

  • Moelis & Company No 99.5%
  • Morgan Stanley 02 99.0%
  • Evercore 01 98.4%
  • Banco Santander 02 97.9%
  • BMO Capital Markets 13 97.4%

Professional Growth Opportunities

November 2026 Investment Banking

  • Evercore 01 99.5%
  • Moelis & Company 01 99.0%
  • Morgan Stanley 05 98.4%
  • Goldman Sachs 01 97.9%
  • JPMorgan No 97.4%

Total Avg Compensation

November 2026 Investment Banking

  • Vice President (16) $429
  • Associates (57) $264
  • 3rd+ Year Analyst (8) $210
  • 2nd Year Analyst (28) $184
  • Intern/Summer Associate (16) $161
  • 1st Year Analyst (84) $151
  • Intern/Summer Analyst (76) $101
notes
16 IB Interviews Notes

“... there’s no excuse to not take advantage of the resources out there available to you. Best value for your $ are the...”

Leaderboard

1
redever's picture
redever
99.2
2
kanon's picture
kanon
99.0
3
BankonBanking's picture
BankonBanking
99.0
4
Secyh62's picture
Secyh62
99.0
5
DrApeman's picture
DrApeman
98.9
6
dosk17's picture
dosk17
98.9
7
GameTheory's picture
GameTheory
98.9
8
CompBanker's picture
CompBanker
98.9
9
Betsy Massar's picture
Betsy Massar
98.9
10
Mimbs's picture
Mimbs
98.8
success
From 10 rejections to 1 dream investment banking internship

“... I believe it was the single biggest reason why I ended up with an offer...”