How do you guys meet girls as junior bankers?

2nd Year M&A Analyst here with a quick question. How do you guys meet girls as junior bankers?

Ever since I started banking, my dating life has definitely taken a drastic hit. Used to be very good back in college but now, I'm down horrendous. Tried the whole dating app thing but the quality just isn't there and a lot of females tend to have overinflated egos on those platforms - which I can imagine one would naturally develop when 600+ dudes are swiping right on you every day.

Most of my life now is work, work, and more work. In my spare time, I like to (a) Workout to stay in shape (b) Sleep to keep my sanity and so I don't have to take drugs to be awake (c) Do all my chores I don't get to do on the weekday (i.e laundry, cleaning house, etc.)

There are so many nightclubs and bars around my apartment but I don't drink so that whole scene just isn't my thing. How do you guys typically meet women as bankers in NYC?

Comments (61)

  • Analyst 1 in IB-M&A
2mo 

Currently in the same situation, brother, so I know the struggle. I've been thinking, there's a few very clever ways to get in the vicinity of high-quality girls. First of, try to get invited to as many VDR events as you can, in my experience the chicks there are top-notch. Second, choose a very expensive fitness studio, preferably one with a spa, coz chicks looooove spas. Third, leverage your finance connections to get invited to high-tier parties. You may or may not have to give someone preferential treatment for it and/or blow him, but with some luck, you'll be at some billionaire's Carnival party in no time.

Just my two cents

  • Intern in IB - Gen
2mo 

Wdym by VDR events? 

  • Analyst 1 in IB-M&A
2mo 

The only girls going to VDR events work in IB, so you know you're already far away from the "top tier chick" level and more like scrapping the bottom of the barrel lmao

Funniest
  • Associate 2 in PE - LBOs
2mo 

lmfao this is the first time I've ever heard about using these events to meet girls

  • 4
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  • Analyst 1 in IB-M&A
2mo 

Hahaha imagine going to a Datasite event to meet girls. I might just try that.

  • 1
2mo 
Smoke Frog, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Why do people always whine about apps like they are so hard?

Apps are literally a slice of life, the same people that go to bars and parties also use the apps.

If you struggle on apps, then your pics suck or your ugly, and you would struggle in real life too.

Stop pretending apps are so different from real and girls have high egos and are superficial. That's exactly how people are in real life.

Do all women on the apps suck? Or is it more likely there's something unattractive about your profile?

2mo 
Abccc1533, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Nah, I disagree. I have friends who have too many matches to handle on apps who struggle to get girls IRL and friends who struggle on apps who effortlessly have women throwing themselves at them IRL. It's complicated.

  • 2
2mo 
IncomingIBDreject, what's your opinion? Comment below:

A lot of girls don't use the apps because they don't want attention from creeps and the like, or because they'd rather get to know someone in-person rather than online (as their future relationship will be such). 

Array

  • 2
2mo 
Smoke Frog, what's your opinion? Comment below:

You do realize you eventually meet for a date and get to know the person in real life and the it's not just an online relationship right?

Controversial
2mo 
Ozymandia, what's your opinion? Comment below:
Analyst 1 in IB-M&A

Tried the whole dating app thing but the quality just isn't there and a lot of females tend to have overinflated egos on those platforms 

Good first move is to stop referring to women as "females".  Huge red flag right there.

Second... go to a museum or find some off-Broadway shows.  Not drinking makes socializing harder, but it's NYC.  If it's being done somewhere else in the world, you can also find it here.  There are plenty of groups that specialize in helping young professionals socialize.  You say you like to workout... why not combine that by joining a running/cycling/team sports group on the weekends?

Also, the dating apps are fine, just have the tiny amount of insight to not swipe right on the women who are obviously trying to drive traffic to their Instagram page or whatever.  Frankly, it's a microcosm of life.  If you walk into any room in NYC most of the people there will be not be people you want to date, so of course you're gonna have to wade through lots of matches you don't like to find one you do.

You also might want to examine yourself.  Ever hear the phrase "if you meet an asshole on the street, that's unlucky, but if all you meet are assholes, it means you're the problem?"  Not calling you an asshole, but given that you self-describe as someone who does basically nothing but work and sleep, maybe you're the problem here, and not the statistically unlikely unrelenting parade of hundreds of women with "overinflated egos".  If all you have to offer is some basic conversation about how many hours you work and the gym, that's not much.

  • 14
  • 8
2mo 
MfckngChimp, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Are you gaslighting OP right now?

Guy is an asshole and is the problem because he does nothing but work as an analyst? Have you ever worked in investment banking as an analyst? Seems spot-on to me.

Also, wtf do you mean by stop referring to women as "females?" How is that a red flag? Should we start referring to them as "males" now?

You're gonna have to start going to bars/clubs bro. Sorry.

2mo 
AnonymousMonkey130, what's your opinion? Comment below:

No need to drink/club to meet girls lol if you can only get girls when they are drunk then I have some breaking news for you.. The above poster is right, if your only thing going for you is that you work hard and workout then you aren't really going to be interesting. Just because you work long hours doesn't mean that you can't have hobbies/other interests that will make you attractive to the opposite sex.

  • 1
Most Helpful
2mo 
Ozymandia, what's your opinion? Comment below:

MfckngChimp

Are you gaslighting OP right now?

Guy is an asshole and is the problem because he does nothing but work as an analyst? Have you ever worked in banking as an analyst? Seems spot-on to me.

Also, wtf do you mean by stop referring to women as "females?" How is that a red flag? Should we start referring to them as "males" now?

OP don't listen to this idiot. He's full of it. You're gonna have to start going to bars/clubs bro. Sorry.

I suggest you work on your reading comprehension.  I didn't call OP an asshole - apparently the point I was making went right over your head, and given how obvious of a point it was, it's no mean accomplishment to miss it.

The odds that of the hundreds of women he's talking to on dating apps, all of them have "overinflated egos" is statistically unlikely and doesn't make a lot of sense on its face.  What is more likely, that our pal the OP is the problem, or that every single woman in NYC is?  My point wasn't that being in finance and going to the gym makes you an asshole, which anyone with the intelligence of a 5th grader would have understood, but that if the OP has nothing else going on in his life besides work and the gym (and chores), then of course he's finding it tough to connect with people who don't prioritize those things to the exclusion of all else.  And before I hear your inevitable complaint, this isn't an assumption, I am quoting this guy who says his entire life is work, exercise, sleeping, and doing chores.  That is an exhaustive list.  No wonder women aren't interested - if I'm not interested in hearing about the 100 hour weeks you're working, or what your latest personal best is for your bench press, then of course I'm going to dismiss you as a potential romantic partner.  That's not "overinflated ego," it's "this guy is boring as fuck, why am I spending more than a couple minutes talking to someone with the depth of personality of a Kleenex?"

And FYI, if you don't know by now that listening to a dude rag about awful and shallow women are while simultaneously calling them "females" as opposed to any other of the myriad words that refer to women is a giant red flag, a neon sign pointing to "I'm an incel" then I'd suspect you of being in the same boat yourself.

  • 18
  • 1
2mo 
IcedxTaro, what's your opinion? Comment below:

As Ozymandia pointed out in his* reply to you OP are solid advice.  I did not take dating seriously until about a year ago, and went through a lot of trial and error on to do's and not to do's in terms of dating. 

Personally, yes, you can meet women in the gym but it is ill advised (that unless of course she is looking for a gym husband).  However, I would discount the idea as many people use the gym as a form of therapy or want in all to be healthier.

One of the things I did pre-COVID was do dancing classes.  The one I did was Salsa, which was great because you had a dance partner.  Generally, women outnumbered men in this area - hands on, and it is fun!

Since you are into fitness. why not look into cycling classes (Orange Theory), Yoga, Hiking, Climbing, etc.  You have a ton of options.  Strictly limiting your fitness to the gym feels a little short-sighted.  Another option is to enroll in a class sports class, as you will meet a lot of people, too.

I am also involved in several non-profit organizations and there are tons of networking opportunities to meet people.  These are generally people who want to contribute back to society but also a means to meet new people who have similar goals too.

My success so far has been in the dancing, non-profit events and sports area.

Good luck!

  • 2
2mo 
Kevin25, what's your opinion? Comment below:

I just use apps, but your points are very true that girls on apps are not that good-looking and/or have bad attitude. Ideally, you should be coming up to girls whenever and wherever you see somebody who caught your eye (street, grocery store, subway, park, gym, etc.). But that takes balls and will unfortunately lead to a lot of negative experiences, but it might be worth it to get rejected 100 times if you meet somebody incredible on your 101st try.

2mo 
fatergo, what's your opinion? Comment below:

If any current charlotte bankers could share their perspective for an incoming analyst, I would appreciate it. For context, no school or home connections to the south, and I am not interested in building friendships or romantic relationships around alcohol.

2mo 
eloquence, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Not in Charlotte, but have spent time in the south and had some friends get unlucky with Wells placement... southern girls are tough and usually want southern/fratty guys.

Recommend prioritizing finding a friend group in your first month or two there, maybe someone in your class is local or has connections. Even if you don't like to drink you can still go out to meet people. Find local hobbies that you can pursue with your limited free time and try to meet like-minded people there.

Array

  • 1
2mo 
Bing Bong, what's your opinion? Comment below:

I'd say first and foremost, do your best to shift your perspective on the stage of life you're currently in.

1) comparing dating in college to dating as a young professional, regardless of what industry you're in, is really pretty unfair. college literally revolves around that shit, and you simply no longer have that luxury.

2) think about the things you listed as detriments to your dating life; working your ass off, learning to live on your own, managing to sleep a couple hours a night. in short, you're learning to function as an adult (more healthily than most it sounds like) while simultaneously putting in the shit years to set yourself up to have a great shot at a pretty comfortable life, financially. this is an extremely admirable accomplishment in and of itself and I hope you give yourself credit for it (though I know it's hard to do so)

3) once you can positively internalize the shit in 2), you're going to start to realize - "damn, I'm kind of a badass." and what comes from that? Not only a genuine, warranted and sustainable sense of self-confidence, but also the realization that you just went through a period of incredible self growth that will change your life forever.

Hang in there brother. Life is tough, but it sounds like you're doing it the right way. The women will follow very quickly, trust me.

2mo 
Bossdogfrog, what's your opinion? Comment below:

You don't. Switch jobs if you aren't satisfied with where your life is going. Or stick it out for a couple of years knowing you will have it easier down the road. A lot of people want to have the cake and eat it too.

You are also correct with your observation that the quality of girls on the apps are garbage. The guys who tell you that they are banging hot girls from apps are either straight up lying or have such low standards that they find girls hot which I won't even touch with a ten foot pole. 

You won't find a quality mate on any of the apps. You will find one through mutual social connections. But since you have no time, you should forget about it now. 

If you get too horny, just rub one out. Casual sex is in itself very unfulfilling. Ask anyone who has actually banged around a lot. They usually have some issue one way or the other, and this goes both for men and women.

Nothing beats a fulfilling relationship where both parties are supportive of each other. 

  • 3
  • 1
2mo 
BoutiqueAsc, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Everyone in my analyst class of ~50 was single lol and this was before Covid too. But it's worth it stick it out for 2 years and then you'll have more time after. Also that's not to say you can't go out and have fun on the weekends just dating isn't easy.

2mo 
OneLove, what's your opinion? Comment below:

In a similar situation+mindset and have discussed this topic at length w/ friends. A few thoughts:

One would think that, living in one of the greatest cities to ever exist and with dating apps to easily screen a huge volume of eligible bachelorettes, finding desirable girls would be easy. Despite this, both myself and friends have been underwhelmed with what's found on the apps. Presumably this issue is multifactorial, but two factors stand out to me as being particularly worthy of thought:

1) I wonder if better looking girls simply don't need to use the dating apps. This would seem reasonable, particularly if they get a large flux of attention via IG, have busy social lives and get the attention in person, or both, as I presume is the case for many. Anecdotally I've had experiences that both support and refute this argument. Regarding the support: when going out to higher end lounges/clubs, I (at least think) I see a greater pool of good looking girls in one room than I see on a day scrolling through an app. Regarding the rebuttal: I've seen many of what I would consider to be the most desirable girls (that I actually know in person) to show up on the apps. Ultimately, I don't know what the reality is.

2) Dating apps simply don't capture the spark of in person interactions and that it's easier to be attracted to a real life human being than a dating app profile. I'm sure the nuances of this can be elaborated upon, but I don't think there's much utility in doing so. 

Ultimately, the question is what to actually do about. I think the quick logical answer is to maximize opportunities in all facets of life (use apps, go out to good spots at night, be able to talk to girls you like if you see them at the gym / church / grocery store etc). That being said, would still like to know where people have had success seeing girls they are actually attracted to, because it seems deceptively hard given the city in which we live...

Thoughts?

2mo 
ironman32, what's your opinion? Comment below:

First, I would define or at least list what you want if you are trying to date. When you say "quality" do you mean you don't find women on the apps attractive enough, or you find them very attractive but they are flaky or IG models?

Second, off of that, find where the women you want go. If you're trying to fish don't go to the dessert right?

Generally, realize its difficult. Remember like a great baseball player, you have to be willing to strike out to hit some home runs. Also, you have to have a little give and take. Life's not a movie, its not like people are saying above you're going to go to a museum day 1 and find an extremely attractive and intelligent woman whose you deem as perfect waiting for you. Use the apps if you have to, find one you think works for you; don't use it as a crutch not to talk to woman, but also, its good on random tuesday night if you get home late from work (I think they say apps are great for the 10% of men because 80% of women are chasing them; that's a problem I think in general based on a lot of things, but here we are). If you're not super attractive, maybe pay someone to help you update your profile (lighting, background, filter on a pic can do a lot). Maybe join a social club, or team or group. 

2mo 
OneLove, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Yeah good point re. defining quality. In brief, as you're implying, I was considering quality to be both looks and intelligence/character/etc. Generally speaking, my/my friends problem hasn't been that we're not able to match w/ the girls we like on the apps (not saying that our hit rate is unimaginably high - just that it's not the problem we complain to each other about) - it's that theoretically even if we could match w/ any girl we wanted, the quality that we are looking for just isn't there. 

This continues to confuse me, and I'm really not sure if the issue is more in our perception (i.e. people just aren't attracted to dating app profiles like they are real people) or reality (the best girls really aren't using the apps, and there's a paucity of quality). 

Ultimately, I personally don't really care why it's happening for the sake of understanding. Rather, I'm just trying to inform actions going forward (kind of like OP - where should one go? / what should one do?, etc) 

2mo 
ironman32, what's your opinion? Comment below:

I hear you. I've been there, and I think a lot of people are there; in the sense, they are seeking someone that is too perfect. You can look at it two ways. 

1. Are you seeking a person that doesn't really exist, or is in very limited quantity. Meaning, what do you define as being very good looking, people who on a scale of 1-10 are say an 8? Do the same with intelligence, also an 8. That's a pretty high for someone to possess in both ways, not a lot of people walking around, both men or woman, like that. And just because you find them attractive doesn't mean its mutual. Its like the economic idea of why people don't go around looking for loose $20 bills on the ground, because other people pick them up too. Or, if there was a place to go to meet other attractive people, everyone would know about it and it would go away because everyone would go. 

2. Just because someone is smart/attractive are they the person you want to be with? Are they also chill? Do they share the same values and ideas on things like family, money, stuff like that. Idk if that's important to people, maybe some are just trying to date/hook up. That's fine too. Then just pay the odds, and go after woman when you see them in public. 

I get it though, dating is hard because we make it hard for ourselves. 50/60/70 years ago, no one worried about each other's politics, or salary to an extend, or even if you were compatible in a lot of ways, or shared the same outlook on finances. You just married someone from your town and that was it. Now people don't like the way someone texts and they immediately stop talking to them. 

2mo 
Squirrel_CP, what's your opinion? Comment below:

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2mo 
ConfusedGuru, what's your opinion? Comment below:

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