How Many Times is Acceptable to Use the Bathroom at Work?

To Everyone in the IB world,

I am an summer analyst from a business school in the middle west united states. I have very important question regarding my day to day and I hope my question can get answered. One of my recent analyst in my class was unfortunately let go because of excessive amounts of time going to the bathroom. I was wondering if some experts in IB can help me understand the amount of times it is acceptable to relieve myself. My personal caffeine consumption is 5-6 cups a day and if anyone has coffee on the reg before you know what that means 10-15 minutes after. Any thoughts?

 
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You're thinking is very linear. When I first started in investment banking I thought to myself "How can I limit all the tasks that are not revenue-generating to the firm". It started soft, with me outsourcing tasks like ironing shirts, cleaning my flat and private admin stuff so that I could maximize my time at work. However, when I looked through my Excel sheet where I track every minute of my day I realised that I was losing a substantial amount of time, going for lunch, to the bathroom etc. and I thought to myself "There has to be a better way of doing this".

The purpose of eating is to get nutrition into your body. But to get nutrition into your body you don't have to eat. I recently had my desk modified with a feeding tube that goes into my nose. The last time I ate was in April and I have not looked back ever since. It's the best decision I have ever made and I could not be happier. Now I can focus on modelling and IRR instead of mundane and meaningless conversations about what everybody did throughout the weekend or who won the Superbowl-Cup in tennis.

If you had spent some time googling you would have easily found the solution to your problem. When I installed my feeding tube I realised that I would still have to dispose of some waste from my nutrition. Going to the bathroom used to take out 30-40 minutes of my day, but if I could do it at my desk I could lose none. I thought about getting diapers for grownups, but that was not a sustainable solution as my co-workers complained about smell and whatnot. When researching the issue I found out that getting an ostomy was exactly what I had needed in my life. I change that bag before I go to work and before I go to bed (if I am not pulling an all-nighter, which I do 5/7 days a week). I do miss playing candy crush or checking facebook occasionally, but when I get next year's bonus I know it's gonna be worth it.

I have also booked surgery for August to have my eyelids removed so that I can stop blinking to increase the effective screen time that I get in throughout a day. My personal mantra is "never stop developing yourself" and I think all of my fellow analysts have something to learn from this.

TLDR: How many times is acceptable to use the bathroom at work? None.

I don't know... Yeah. Almost definitely yes.

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