To Everyone in the IB world,
I am an summer analyst from a business school in the middle west united states. I have very important question regarding my day to day and I hope my question can get answered. One of my recent analyst in my class was unfortunately let go because of excessive amounts of time going to the bathroom. I was wondering if some experts in IB can help me understand the amount of times it is acceptable to relieve myself. My personal caffeine consumption is 5-6 cups a day and if anyone has coffee on the reg before you know what that means 10-15 minutes after. Any thoughts?
just poo in the loo and you'll be alright
But how many times can I poo before I get screwed?
Once a month
okay
LOL what a bank
“IB” referring to irritable bowel or investment banking? The answer varies.
I am in IB and have IB. I hope that clears everything up
MY WIFE
When you get hemorrhoids you know you have shit too much
Once every three hours, concentrating activity during off-peak periods (e.g. lunch, pre 8:00am, post 6:00pm).
Thank you have been the most helpful
It depends whether you want to do drugs
I get in before the rest of the group for this very reason. Throwback way too much caffeine, attempt to organize the impending chaos and take care of business before everyone arrives.
VERY NICE
Wtf??? I thought Investment Banking only attracts the brightest of students?
Great profile name... "Sneakers" was/is a classic!
You're thinking is very linear. When I first started in investment banking I thought to myself "How can I limit all the tasks that are not revenue-generating to the firm". It started soft, with me outsourcing tasks like ironing shirts, cleaning my flat and private admin stuff so that I could maximize my time at work. However, when I looked through my Excel sheet where I track every minute of my day I realised that I was losing a substantial amount of time, going for lunch, to the bathroom etc. and I thought to myself "There has to be a better way of doing this".
The purpose of eating is to get nutrition into your body. But to get nutrition into your body you don't have to eat. I recently had my desk modified with a feeding tube that goes into my nose. The last time I ate was in April and I have not looked back ever since. It's the best decision I have ever made and I could not be happier. Now I can focus on modelling and IRR instead of mundane and meaningless conversations about what everybody did throughout the weekend or who won the Superbowl-Cup in tennis.
If you had spent some time googling you would have easily found the solution to your problem. When I installed my feeding tube I realised that I would still have to dispose of some waste from my nutrition. Going to the bathroom used to take out 30-40 minutes of my day, but if I could do it at my desk I could lose none. I thought about getting diapers for grownups, but that was not a sustainable solution as my co-workers complained about smell and whatnot. When researching the issue I found out that getting an ostomy was exactly what I had needed in my life. I change that bag before I go to work and before I go to bed (if I am not pulling an all-nighter, which I do 5/7 days a week). I do miss playing candy crush or checking facebook occasionally, but when I get next year's bonus I know it's gonna be worth it.
I have also booked surgery for August to have my eyelids removed so that I can stop blinking to increase the effective screen time that I get in throughout a day. My personal mantra is "never stop developing yourself" and I think all of my fellow analysts have something to learn from this.
TLDR: How many times is acceptable to use the bathroom at work? None.
Wait, did your firm not issue you a catheter and colostomy bag while you were at training?
Out of curiosity, how often was your colleague going to the bathroom? And are you sure they were "going to the bathroom?" lol
Trust me, I unfortunately went to the bathroom after her and she was really going to the bathroom
caffeine pills with l-theanine instead of coffee
Man, people are gonna miss this tip in the heap of comments without realizing how good it is.
I recommend investing in a piss jug
Try using Flex Seal!
Where do I apply the flex seal?
if you don't know.. ya don't know
This question has me weak lol
Honestly, you should be working so hard that your body utilizes 100% of all food and liquid you intake. You should eventually have no reason to ever use the bathroom.
Invest in adult diapers. Become an IB machine.
the best question I have seen so far... as a serious answer if just bladder relief ..no real limit as long as in and out.. if depositing more.. then 2x a day max and the 2nd one,, you grab the sides of the bowl (disgusting) and speed dump... leave phone at desk and maybe get a laxative to increase the ease of exit
My office looks completely transparent so whenever I walk to the bathroom, the whole division just acknowledges that. What a bless.
The answer is -1. It's standard protocol to tie your dong like a balloon animal, plug your ass with your balls, and let your MD relief himself in you immediately after he's dropped that "Friday at 4pm special workload" down your throat.
*For the SA's: you won't get a return offer unless you can do a giraffe for your balloon animal.
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