How to deal with shitty colleagues

Im a 3rd year analyst at my firm and recently my team hired an associate from another firm. This associate looks to me for questions as i have been at the firm longer, despite him having a higher rank. As an analyst, i am still learning and one of which is the firm’s model. The more reps i get, the better, but when i would ask this associate questions, they are so quick and nice to help out when no one is looking but the moment someone more senior is around they throw me under the bus and act like im stupid/not good at my job. Similarly, when holding conversations with MD and VP about deals, they ask condescending questions such as “do you understand what that is?” or “i hope thats not too hard to understand” not only to my face but infront of my manager which makes me look bad. Im sure it’s just their personality, but its really annoying as id never act like that to anyone on the team. 
 

how can i deal with this? Id say it’s annoying (9/10) but not to the point where id quit. I dont necessarily want to address it with anyone senior, but if it continues i guess id have no choice. 

18 Comments
 
Funniest

Next time he asks you to help him, stand up from your chair, raise your hands in the air in frustration and say "How many times do i have to explain it, when the stock price is above the strike, the options are in-the-money!!". 

 

I never understand these cry baby posts.

So you’re with your Md right? And the associate says “is that too hard for you to understand?” Right?

So why don’t you just reply calmly, of course it is clear. Why do you keep acting like I’m an idiot?

I genuinely don’t get it. I’m not saying you need to yell or insult him or be extra.

What do you do instead? Say nothing? Look at the floor?

 

The MD and VP already know it or will learn it, just relax. Let the things flow.

If you really have a problem with it, go to another company.

 

If the associate is really saying g stuff like this, and assuming the rest of the team don’t totally have their heads up their asses, then they’ll see thru the associate’s bullshit

Sounds pretty transparently like asshole behavior

Your team may already see they it which is why your staffings have been better

Agree with the other poster who said try to befriend him

Either way, should be a short lived problem considering you are a high performing 3rd year analyst and this should be made associate soon

 
Most Helpful

Not in IB but have dealt with many difficult people like this. There's a few ways to deal with people like this:

  1. Befriend them (as the other commenter pointed out). However, I think it's important to keep in mind that befriending them comes with the risk of sharing more about yourself/talking about sensitive topics, etc that he can potentially weaponize against you. It sounds like this guy is two-faced, so he's likely to do this. Example: you're golfing with him and you're talking about AI/tech and you mention that you'd love to work at a VC in the future down the line. He then could tell the higher ups that you're thinking about leaving and you don't like IB...just typical snake behavior.
  2. Just laugh it off. Next time he makes a comment like "do you understand what this is?", you just laugh like he was making a joke. (my preferred method)
  3. Ask him to repeat himself. This one is so much fun to use but can't be used all the time. Example: he says "I hope that's not too hard to understand" and you wait a second and then say "Sorry, what's that?" in a nice tone. It forces him to repeat his asshole comment again and makes him look like an idiot. Then after you can follow up with a question and in a confused voice "why would that be hard to understand?". The key is that you have to sound completely genuinely confused for that to work. However, there's a 50% chance he doubles down on another passive aggressive insult and then if you want to take it up another level, you could respond in a lighthearted way "Woah, are we good? We're on the same team here working together". Which then makes you look like the bigger person. After this, he'll either despise you or apologize. But either way he's likely to not do this behavior anymore after it backfiring on him. 
 

I wonder if you're just being a little thin skinned? they're probably trying to win brownie points from senior bankers by seeming like they care about your development. 

Maybe he or she is actually shitty, but I'm skeptical they'd straight up purposely  denigrate you in front of others. Not because they're nice, but because it takes world class autism for them not to realize this can makes them look shitty to senior bankers too

Or maybe everyone else has already told the associate that you need help getting up to speed. If so, a condescending associate is the least of your issues. Hopefully that's not the case   

 

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Leah R. Matsil

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