IB + Long Distance Relationship

Being in IB and in a relationship without the long distance is already difficult enough. You just have to be sure that it’s worth going through all of that and if you notice you’re both equally committed then carry on, but if not you know the drill.

It's not a good situation to be in. You're going to be working very hard and the unpredictable schedule will mess up any plans made more than 45 minutes in advance. If she is okay with you cancelling plans, doing calls at all hours and bringing your laptop with you when you're visiting her over the weekend, then it might work. Personally, I think it's gonna give you more headaches and bad consciousness than joy, but that's just my two cents.

I tried it as a first year analyst and it went something like this: You are always working, some days you'll even have to cancel phone calls She can be as supportive as she wants, everyone has their limit in terms of what they can cope with. I, for one, was so happy going over on some weekends but having to work would piss me of and have a negative impact on the time spent together.

She left me. It broke my heart, turned me into a huge mess and made me doubt my career. Pushed through and am still in the job now.

You tell me if it was the right choice.

Have heard some people mention that their long distance relationships were ideal because in reality they didn't have the time to go out and date, even if they were single. sounds really morbid but honest, I guess. Obviously, this also depends on how much your partner will put up with some of the cons mentioned in previous comments. If you're in a relationship with another investment banker or with a consultant, they may be more understanding given the issues with their own schedule.

Did IB and relationship, and IB and long distance, neither worked but the latter was just worse.

Listen. Don't overthink it.

If you like her enough and you want to make it work, remember this:

Everytime you see her, fuck her brains out. Not some Ryan Gosling "Notebook" shit. Anal is a must to assert domination. This will get her to stay and motivate her to make it work. Sexual tension is a very powerful thing...

Fuck her good. Make her call you daddy and slay it in the office and out.

Maybe I'll add a different perspective - in my first year of IB my GF and I lived like 1 hour away from each other (so not long distance, but certainly some distance). IMO this was better than being in the same city because then you are a lot less worried about actually canceling plans, feeling obligated to just be home to do things, cancelling actual plans, etc.

Like I genuinely feel my relationship would've suffered more had we both been in the same city in my first year. We were in the same city my second year, but by then I could anticipate things a bit more / had more trust from my team, so I was able to have more flexibility in plans (though of course it was still IB and things certainly were canceled still).

I'm a first year analyst in a long-distance relationship with another first year analyst (NY and SF, so very long distance). It honestly hasn't been as hard as I was expecting - my group is pretty sweaty so like others have said, it's not like I would really have time to date or maintain much of a relationship here anyway, so I don't feel like I'm really missing out/sacrificing. It is also probably made easier by the fact that since we both work in banking, we understand the demands and nobody gets frustrated if something needs to be cancelled last minute.

Let me know if you want more specifics, but just thought I would chime in and say it is possible,

You gotta pick someone who truly understands the commitment, not someone who says they understand it. Someone in banking, consulting, trading, politics, etc make better long distance partners because they don't have the time to sit around and overthink things, they are probably just a career driven as you are, and they understand the implied "end" to the hard commitments, like two analyst years and then to the buyside or corporate finance.

I wouldn't recommend it. Very difficult. I did have a LD relationship, but I flew in to see her every 3 weeks for 1 day. It was brutal. 5 hr flight each direction. I took redeyes in each direction so I could leave on Friday late afternoon, and return early Monday morning. I slept on the flights. My girl and I would have 1.5 days every 3 weeks. Very difficult to do.

Is getting girls as a banker easy? I want an honest answer; how is it compared to the average guy; I know at least from a far out, there is a superficial attraction to being a banker, but does this hold up at bars or in friend groups with girls? I know this seems naive but I have never gotten a straight answer.

Pretty hard not to stray in NYC at that age. I mean if she’s the one then fine, I’m sure the distance is a surmountable challenge. Lot of young girls in that town tho

I think it entirely depends on what type of ethos your gf has on career building. If she's ambitious and driven she somewhat will understand the sacrifices. A lot of women these days are very driven, independent as suppose to the traditional view of attention craving & needy.

It is a fucking mess dude. Of course you can work around it when it’s once every month or so but having to be committed to someone who lives away is not easy. when I have too much work, I forget to text friends or family for days. I forgot to text my friend on her wedding day (it was in another country) because I had been going home at 2am for a couple of days. if you love her, make it work and make your time together memorable. Personally, the only thing that would be good about having a boyfriend for me with this job is the frequent sex. use that and make a connection. don’t complain about your job around her. but if at any time, you feel it is not working, then let it go, you are already fighting every day at work.

My long distance relationship ended within 1.5 months of me starting banking.......the transition to her not being able to get instant texts back from you/constant attention is not always an easy one

There's been some great advice in this thread on how a long-distance relationship might actually be better for the relationship.

For those of you that have made it work, how have you balanced time with a significant other in the same city when both of you are working in finance?

Literally responding because I'm terrified that not one girl has responded (and I realize OP is a guy and referring to his girlfriend, but smh at everyone assuming gender and partner's gender), being an associate now, with a banker dad, and having had an ex who was an analyst when I was in college, 3 things:

1. Advice won't help, you're gonna do what you want. And you probably shouldn't put too much stock into everyone's advice honestly! You already know the hours are intense - but everyone's relationship here is different, their personalities (and egos) are wildly different and so are their partner's. If you care about her enough, you're gonna give it a shot and then it's up to you to see what happens. If you don't, you won't, and yes you'll likely meet someone else. But if you don't give it a shot because you think your. career should come first blah blah or cause there are so many hot women in nyc, you're gonna be alone for a while - cause I consider myself pretty type A and ambitious (as most here are) and my news is: it will never be a good time. If you wanna make an impact, your work will always be demanding, find a partner who contributes to that and gets it or simply supports and doesn't need that.

2. COMMUNICATE. The guys complaining out here about girls finally not having the bandwidth to deal with them not having time - look, if you've been with her a long time and she doesn't live under a rock, she knows you want this really badly and that investment banking is demanding. Have an honest conversation with her about how bad you think your hours are going to be, about all the times you might cancel and missed phone calls and not texting during the day and ask her honestly if she can handle that. And if she can, when you're working, have a saying like "I'm in the tunnel" or something where she knows that you are going to be "selfish" and focused just on work. Don't abuse this pass of I literally don't have to acknowledge your existence because of work aka get out of jail care more than 3x/month.

3. BE PRESENT - what sucks so much isn't constant cancelling or being busy or not having time (see above, because it's expected) what sucks is if when you're together you don't have time for her. When you're on the phone if you're not listening, not responding, not giving a shit. Sure, you miss things, but when you're there, be there.

Lastly, to all the people saying great careers are hard to come by but people aren't, that's total and complete bullshit. I'm not saying this in a kumabaya way - I mean that if you want to be able to handle all the pressures of what type A careers bring, you need people who give a shit about you. Cause you can go from 22 to the old creepy MD still hanging out with analysts at TAO and hitting on 20 year olds (and that might sound fantastic rn) but the guy who did M&A, transitioned to PE, "gave back" as a professor at Harvard Business School, started a business and made a shit ton had the better career because he had people who supported around him (even if he was a dick sometimes oops). Anyways, good luck!

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