I recently went for a finance interview at a smaller shop. The interviewer asked me to tell him a joke. I blanked. I ended up saying:
A man walks into library and approaches the librarian. The librarian smiles and asks, "How can I help you today?" The man says, "Can I get a tunafish sandwich on white?" Bewildered the librarian says, "Sir this is library...". The man replies (in a whisper), "Sorry (this where I almost died in the interview of nervousness) can I get a tunafish sandwich on white?"
I got a weak smile from the two guys....
Why Do Interviewers Ask This Question?
The ‘Tell Me a Joke’ question can be used to see how you react to unexpected situations. You’ve likely prepared for hours for your interview and have almost scripted responses for nearly every question. This is a way to get you to think and answer a little differently. Also, it’s a good way to see how you interact with others.
How To Answer “Tell Me A Joke” In An Interview
Sense of humor is personal, so even if you know a firm’s culture well, it’s probably best in these early stages to play it safe.
- Keep it simple. The shorter the better, it’s easier to remember and easier to tell.
- Keep it clean. Don’t be offensive. Sure, some firms on Wall Street welcome NSFW humor, but save it for when you’re employed and killing it.
- Keep it relevant (if possible). Can you relate it to the interviewer? No, don’t insult his mother, but a joke where the local, perpetually last place team is the punchline is okay. Or you can always stick to something pop culture related.
Jokes from the WSO Community
Here are a few suggestions from the WSO community. Try them out and maybe have one or two in your back pocket in case you’re asked in an interview.
From @CaliBankerSF"
Mama bear and papa bear are getting a divorce. The judge asks baby bear, "who do you want to live with?" Baby bear says, " I don't want to live with mama bear. She beats me" Judge says, "Okay, so you want to live with papa bear?" Baby bear says, "No, he beats me too!" Judge (frustrated at this point), "Well then, who do you want to live with?" Baby bear, "I want to live with the Chicago Bears! They never beat anybody"
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What was the best part of the Playboy Enterprises IPO?
... The pitch book.
Mama bear and papa bear are getting a divorce. The judge asks baby bear, "who do you want to live with?"
Baby bear says, " I don't want to live with mama bear. She beats me"
Judge says, "Okay, so you want to live with papa bear?"
Baby bear says, "No, he beats me too!"
Judge (frustrated at this point), "Well then, who do you want to live with?"
Baby bear, "I want to live with the Chicago Bears! They never beat anybody"
I'll get you started...
Guy goes into the agent's office and he says, "I've got an act for "you." Wait till you hear "this." "Tell me a little about "it." What's the act?" He says, "My wife and I come out on "stage."
I don't get it. Also learn how to use quotations.
A couple who have been married for a while are in their bedroom. The wife looks in the mirror, sighs, and says, "I feel fat and ugly...give me a compliment". The husband looks her up and down and says, "You've got perfect vision."
It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal.
Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can leave early today."
Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer anything she throws at me."
Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."
Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."
Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.
Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."
Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."
Johnny is even madder than before.
Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."
Teacher: "That's right Nancy, you may also leave."
Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the questions.
When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!"
The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"
Johnny: "TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?”
Not sure if you'll be able to use this one for an interview (I'd recommend against it):
A teacher, lawyer, and priest are in a burning school auditorium. The teacher says, " We need to save the children before the auditorium collapses". The lawyer responds, "Screw the children." The priest looks at the lawyer and asks, "Do we have the time?".
A buddy of mine sent this to me, I thought it was pretty good:
A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?"
She calls on little Johnny to answer. He replies, "There are none left - they all fly away with the first gun shot."
The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."
Then, Little Johnny says "I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied "Well I suppose the one thats gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
To which Little Johnny replied, "The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on, but I like your thinking."
A pirate walks into a bar with a giant ship's wheel stuffed down the front of his pants. The bartender says, "hey, pirate, you got a ship's steering wheel in your pants." The pirate replies, "arrr, it's driving me nuts!"
This works at any BB (stolen from one of WSO threads)
Interviewer: Tell me a joke Student: Your balance sheet
A greek, italian and spaniard walks into a brothel. Who's paying?
... The German.
Any one of these.
5 Minute Management Course
Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'
'It was Bob the next door neighbor,' she replies.
'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest removed his hand But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily And went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'
Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish..' 'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.' Puff! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'
Puff! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after Lunch.'
Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?' The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.' 'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story: Bull shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..
Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story: (1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
I got my degree in economics, have heard this many times, but always enjoyed it. Not really hilarious, but another enjoyable economics anecdote / joke that a professor of economics at Georgia wrote:
"Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to $100. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this:
The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing. The fifth would pay $1. The sixth would pay $3. The seventh would pay $7. The eighth would pay $12. The ninth would pay $18. The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59. So, that's what they decided to do. The ten men drank in the bar every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement, until one day, the owner threw them a curve. "Since you are all such good customers," he said, "I'm going to reduce the cost of your daily beer by $20."
Drinks for the ten now cost just $80 The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes so the first four men were unaffected. They would still drink for free. But what about the other six men - the paying customers? How could they divide the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his 'fair share?'
They realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted that from everybody's share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being paid to drink his beer. So, the bar owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man's bill by roughly the same amount, and he proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay! And so...
The fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100% savings). The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33%savings). The seventh now paid $5 instead of $7 (28%savings). The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 (25% savings). The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 (22% savings). The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% savings). Each of the six was better off than before. And the first four continued to drink for free. But once outside the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings.
"I only got a dollar out of the $20," declared the sixth man. He pointed to the tenth man, "but he got $10!"
"Yeah, that's right," exclaimed the fifth man. "I only saved a dollar, too. It's unfair that he got ten times more than I!"
"That's true!" shouted the seventh man. "Why should he get $10 back when I got only two? The wealthy get all the breaks!"
"Wait a minute," yelled the first four men in unison. "We didn't get anything at all. The system exploits the poor!" The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.
The next night the tenth man didn't show up for drinks, so the nine sat down and had beers without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important. They didn't have enough money between all of them for even half of the bill! "
Probably more enjoyable if you're a fiscal conservative.
Interview question: So tell me a joke (Originally Posted: 04/29/2007)
Interview Coming Up? Be Prepared.
A friend of mine in Asia was interning at a prestigious bank. It was recruiting season and his boss had stack of junior-level resumes several inches thick on his desk. The boss looked at my friend, then looked at the stack, then grabbed half of the stack randomly and threw the resumes straight into his garbage bin.
"Why did you do that? No one has even read those yet." My friend asked.
To this the boss replied: "I don't want unlucky people working at my firm."
True story.
You: "What's the biggest deal you've seen come through this office?" Interviewers: "Well, there was a deal that came across last..." You: "WRONG. ITS MY DICK" take off pants for full effect
McDonalds just added another item to their $1 value menu… 'Citigroup' stock (Insert the name of the stock that is considered an arch rival of the firm you are interviewing with)