Investment Banks as European Football (Soccer) Teams
Saw a thread on Investment Banks as NBA Teams, so wanted to make one on Investment Banks as European Football (Soccer) Teams. Here you go:
Goldman Sachs / Real Madrid: Top of the competition, most prestigious & well known in the sport. Every top player you know has played for them. Kings of European football. Will always mention winning the Champions League a record 13 times.
JP Morgan / FC Barcelona: Typically among the elites (Barca isn't doing well rn, but you can't give them too much shit for one bad season)
Morgan Stanley / Bayern Munich: Not talked of as much as GS-Real Madrid & JPM-Barcelona, but still top-tier and rising
BOA / Liverpool: Among the elites, arguably the best in England right now, although not on the level of Real Madrid, Barcelona & Bayern Munich
Barclays / Juventus: In the room with the top players but never the best among their group
Deutsche Bank / Arsenal: Used to be one of the major players in European football, nothing but a meme right now
Evercore / PSG: One of the more recent players, comp is out of the league, pay ridiculous amounts to transfer players onto their team
Wells Fargo / Manchester City: Pay a lot of fines
Rothschild / AC Milan: Used to be among the elites, don't play among the elites anymore and kinda just exist at this point
BMO / Tottenham Hotspurs: Very stingy to pay their people
Moelis / Atletico Madrid: Sweatshop, players work very hard and typically fare well in European competitions
Definitely missed out a few teams, feel free to add on!
Morgan Stanley isn’t talked about as much as Jpm? What?
Citi: Manchester United - Used to be on top of the world, and was golden in the early-mid 2000’s with tons of talent (Rooney, CR7, Rio, Berba) but then fell apart after ‘08 and have successfully spun their wheels for years. Have made horrendous staffing decisions in recent seasons and continue to fuck up despite spending loads of money
Qatalyst: Borussia Dortmund - Elite, and dont have the resources to compete with some of the bigger teams, yet somehow still continue to outplay them on big stages
Bro, as a Juve fan, that hurts
Bro, as a Juve fan and incoming SA at Barclays, this really hurt.
Clearly from an insecure intern at JPM. GS / MS are considered the top tier followed by JPM, then rest of the BB's
Credit Suisse / Ajax: One of the big clubs/banks historically with a track record of producing great footballers (Cruyff, van der saar, Bergkamp) but these players/bankers almost always leave for better things (Quattrone, Piers de Montfort in London, Ken Moelis— kind of). Was on top of the world in the 90s (Ajax won the champions league in ‘95 and CS used to be close to the top of league tables until the 2000s). Still one of the big guys in European football but the name doesn’t hold the same weight it used to. Although Ajax fans and CS folks won’t admit this.. they have been in decline for a decade and there is no clear path for them to rejoin the top banks/clubs. Still a half decent club with lots of legacy and rich history
MS / Barca (on par with Madrid, better at times, but history won't allow them to be considered the definitive #1) & JPM / Bayern (current UCL champions, but don't have the prestige of Madrid/Barca for some reason)
Arsenal/Rothschild: They are very well known and have an aura of class about them. But these days you will mainly find them in the mid table/market.
Moelis/Stoke: Lack quality up front, but are very good at restructuring their defence. They work their players the hardest and you wouldn't want to be face them on a cold Tuesday night.
Centerview partners/ Chelsea: Pay their players the highest salaries in the league and would rather their players to run down their contracts than be sold. Used to have a British core, but nowadays their squad is mainly made of highly rated europeans.
Greenhill/Manchester united: Were good back in the day, but nowadays they rely heavily on their legacy players.
PJT Partners/Man city: Their salaries are among the highest in the league and they've been on the rise ever since 2008.
RBS/Newcastle: Its been a rough few years for them, but hopefully they'll succeed under new ownership.
Macquarie - Boca Juniors/Sao Paulo/Santos? Dominant in their continent/league for years but not taken seriously abroad. (Santos 0 - 4 Barcelona 2011, club World Cups + Macquarie's struggling NY presence)