Investment Banks as European Football (Soccer) Teams
Saw a thread on Investment Banks as NBA Teams, so wanted to make one on Investment Banks as European Football (Soccer) Teams. Here you go:
Goldman Sachs / Real Madrid: Top of the competition, most prestigious & well known in the sport. Every top player you know has played for them. Kings of European football. Will always mention winning the Champions League a record 13 times.
JP Morgan / FC Barcelona: Typically among the elites (Barca isn't doing well rn, but you can't give them too much shit for one bad season)
Morgan Stanley / Bayern Munich: Not talked of as much as GS-Real Madrid & JPM-Barcelona, but still top-tier and rising
BOA / Liverpool: Among the elites, arguably the best in England right now, although not on the level of Real Madrid, Barcelona & Bayern Munich
Barclays / Juventus: In the room with the top players but never the best among their group
Deutsche Bank / Arsenal: Used to be one of the major players in European football, nothing but a meme right now
Evercore / PSG: One of the more recent players, comp is out of the league, pay ridiculous amounts to transfer players onto their team
Wells Fargo / Manchester City: Pay a lot of fines
Rothschild / AC Milan: Used to be among the elites, don't play among the elites anymore and kinda just exist at this point
BMO / Tottenham Hotspurs: Very stingy to pay their people
Moelis / Atletico Madrid: Sweatshop, players work very hard and typically fare well in European competitions
Definitely missed out a few teams, feel free to add on!
Morgan Stanley isn’t talked about as much as Jpm? What?
Citi: Manchester United - Used to be on top of the world, and was golden in the early-mid 2000’s with tons of talent (Rooney, CR7, Rio, Berba) but then fell apart after ‘08 and have successfully spun their wheels for years. Have made horrendous staffing decisions in recent seasons and continue to fuck up despite spending loads of money
Qatalyst: Borussia Dortmund - Elite, and dont have the resources to compete with some of the bigger teams, yet somehow still continue to outplay them on big stages
Bro, as a Juve fan, that hurts
Hopefully they turn things around in the Champions League now that they have Ronaldo. The win against Barcelona this week was very promising lol
Bro, as a Juve fan and incoming SA at Barclays, this really hurt.
indeed. pain.
MS not talked as much as JPM?
Barclays in the room with the top players?
What are you smoking pal?
Yeah Barclays is still a BB right? There are just so many teams in Europe, Juve would be top-tier but nowhere close to Bayern / Barca / Real
Clearly from an insecure intern at JPM. GS / MS are considered the top tier followed by JPM, then rest of the BB's
I don't know why this got so much MS, I thought the comparisons were quite funny!
Yeah seems like people are more concerned about me dissing MS a bit
Yeah people take anything ranking related way too seriously... it's literally just for entertainment haha
Credit Suisse / Ajax: One of the big clubs/banks historically with a track record of producing great footballers (Cruyff, van der saar, Bergkamp) but these players/bankers almost always leave for better things (Quattrone, Piers de Montfort in London, Ken Moelis— kind of). Was on top of the world in the 90s (Ajax won the champions league in ‘95 and CS used to be close to the top of league tables until the 2000s). Still one of the big guys in European football but the name doesn’t hold the same weight it used to. Although Ajax fans and CS folks won’t admit this.. they have been in decline for a decade and there is no clear path for them to rejoin the top banks/clubs. Still a half decent club with lots of legacy and rich history
How is Bayern rising?
2019: Lose 5-1 to Frankfurt, Manager sacked & Lose to Liverpool in CL
2020: Won the treble and beat Barca 8-2
Firstly, I didn't ms you (whomst Munich hardo). Kudos to you for this thread, it's pretty interesting. However, I would argue that they've kind of peaked. Lewandowski, Alaba, Muller, and Neuer not getting any younger. They're younger prospects (Sane, Alphonso Davies, Gnabry, Koman come to mind) are very solid but haven't quite reached a certain level. As some of their older players start to deteriorate in quality/retire/head out to developing leagues, the team will enter a tough transitional phase.
MS / Barca (on par with Madrid, better at times, but history won't allow them to be considered the definitive #1) & JPM / Bayern (current UCL champions, but don't have the prestige of Madrid/Barca for some reason)
Accurate. MS / Barca (produced some of the best banking talent in the history of the finance industry: Simon Robey, Frank Quattrone, Joe Perella / Barca Messi)
Arsenal/Rothschild: They are very well known and have an aura of class about them. But these days you will mainly find them in the mid table/market.
Moelis/Stoke: Lack quality up front, but are very good at restructuring their defence. They work their players the hardest and you wouldn't want to be face them on a cold Tuesday night.
Centerview partners/ Chelsea: Pay their players the highest salaries in the league and would rather their players to run down their contracts than be sold. Used to have a British core, but nowadays their squad is mainly made of highly rated europeans.
Greenhill/Manchester united: Were good back in the day, but nowadays they rely heavily on their legacy players.
PJT Partners/Man city: Their salaries are among the highest in the league and they've been on the rise ever since 2008.
RBS/Newcastle: Its been a rough few years for them, but hopefully they'll succeed under new ownership.
I would have compared PJT to a team that is elite at rotating (restructuring) their players for different games. Probably would have said Leicester City under Claudio!
As a Newcastle fan, happy just see us included
Man United have no legacy players besides De Gea at this point
Centerview Chelsea comparison is way off. Manchester United and City both pay way higher wages than Chelsea and it’s not even close. One could also argue we have a very strong young English core now (Tammy, Mount, Reece James). Also Chelsea is generally very good about letting unhappy players go even if it means to direct rivals (Willian, Cech, David Luiz)
Why all the monkey shit? SB’d for the effort/idea
I'd say DB is more like Man Utd especially since their downfall coincided with that of Utd's.
DB is defo ManU - the overpaying transfers, the mismanagement, failed "rebuild" after "rebuild"
only thing to make ManU more DB-like is if they finally axed the contingent of expensive deadweight (Lingard, Fred, Pogba etc) just like how DB axed equities
bro this is terrible lots of the comparisons dont even make sense?
also - at least credit me for the NBA one if ur gonna copy straight from it?
Could we have one for Jefferies?
Tottenham? tries to mimic the big boys but eternally excluded
"It is the history of the Tottenham" - a wise man
Napoli. Some history, capable of competing w the best. And the coach / CEO are crazy.
SocGen/BNP/Credit Agricole - Monaco: they have tons of average players that they loan everywhere (big balance sheet). They never win anything but everyone knows them and can't hate them.
not really imo, Monaco are/were big spenders and the french banks are uncharacteristic in that regard
They totally stopped being big spenders (since Falcao, James, etc. left). Now they the largest team in term of number of player contracts in France (maybe in top 5 leagues) but they loaned most of them all over. They basically just invest in 100 young players, betting that 1 or 2 will sell for 50mm
AC Milan were a force to be reckoned with back in the day and an absolute powerhouse. They had a period of hits and missed followed by a catastrophic few years, but are now slowly starting to rebuild (killing it in Serie A since games commenced again post-1st lockdown) and have potential to really make it (decent placement in Europa League this year and potentially UCL next year). Not sure what banks fit the bill here, but they are certainly no Rothschild. Rothschild have always been average and a somewhat decent reputation in Europe. At best they are Fiorentina.
the former powerhouse bit definitely fits UBS. IDK how UBS is doing now though
As a Tottenham boy, that hurts
Arsenal - Tobin & Co.
delusion fans, manager, management etc.
Wbu RBC?
RBC/AFC Ajax: Dominant in their home region and rapidly growing abroad. Well respected and everyone somewhat roots for them. Puts a lot of investment into the development of their own talent and produces quality candidates/athletes. Not the top of the crop but has made genuine competitive challenges for some of the top teams. I think this is a pretty fair comparison.
Macquarie - Boca Juniors/Sao Paulo/Santos? Dominant in their continent/league for years but not taken seriously abroad. (Santos 0 - 4 Barcelona 2011, club World Cups + Macquarie's struggling NY presence)
Quae corrupti voluptatem quis. Quod unde quo rerum dolorem. Eligendi quos ullam ipsam facere. Dolores ducimus fugit aspernatur.
Asperiores neque illum distinctio voluptas eveniet hic at. Hic sit sed culpa quod. Porro ullam quam tempore hic reiciendis tempore perferendis. Veniam quam voluptatem ad repellat. Consequuntur architecto totam similique veritatis sint maxime voluptates libero. Culpa expedita quae dolor. Iste dolorem magnam in ducimus.
See All Comments - 100% Free
WSO depends on everyone being able to pitch in when they know something. Unlock with your email and get bonus: 6 financial modeling lessons free ($199 value)
or Unlock with your social account...
Illo ut dolorem hic doloremque veritatis. Ut voluptas est voluptatum non iste aut perferendis. Nesciunt saepe ut qui. Voluptatum perferendis distinctio possimus sunt sed neque. Quaerat iste incidunt voluptate illum.
Dolorem et similique quidem ipsa. Officia quo omnis mollitia amet vero. Impedit aliquid omnis et ut pariatur. Placeat officiis aut velit qui. Repudiandae occaecati aliquam consequatur velit ad aut temporibus iure.
Sunt voluptas necessitatibus quis a hic. Nihil qui dicta possimus cum et rem amet. Maiores perspiciatis alias aut vero. Est iste enim perspiciatis sint modi quis quam. Sunt est illo aut aut quia.
Optio enim dolorum ad sed ut. Quam non vitae quo laudantium illum ea occaecati. Fuga ut velit alias deleniti id non. Quam autem dolores autem vel.