Investment Banks as Fast Food Chains
Bored waiting for a covid test. Honestly surprised we haven’t done this yet. EBs (Chick fil A, Shake Shack, Five Guys) vs BBs (McDonalds, Burger King, Papa Johns)
Anyways, here goes nothing:
Goldman Sachs/McDonalds:
Universally heralded as the most prestigious, the best player in the industry. They have been dominating for decades. This firm has avoided pitfalls that severely damaged close competitors (financial crisis, health-conscious millennials).
Morgan Stanley/Burger King:
Widely known as #2 in the industry, but think they are #1.
Papa John/Deutsche Bank:
Once a well-respected name in the industry, a series of scandals coupled with severe mismanagement have led to a considerable decline in this firm’s reputation.
Chick fil A/Centerview:
A small but highly focused team, this shop is known for paying their employees significantly above market rate.
Shake Shack/PJT Partners:
While most boutiques are best known for their burger (M&A) practices, this up and coming player is widely respected for their innovative shakes (restructuring.)
Five Guys/Evercore:
Started as a niche chain, this firm has grown into a giant of the industry with comparable scale to industry stalwarts like McDonald's and Burger King (Goldman Sachs & Morgan Stanley.)
I’ll add more when I get back to my apartment.
Edit —
Just got back! Ok here are a few more. Gonna do some work and then I'm down to do more if people are interested :)
In-N-Out Burger/Qatalyst:
California based boutique known for extreme quality. Has chosen not to go public so as to not compromise quality or customer consistency in pursuit of excessive growth. Best in class within its niche (burgers/TMT.) Pays significantly more than peer firms.
Olive Garden/JPM:
A middling firm in the mid 2000’s, aggressive M&A activity (sale of red lobster/acquisition of Bank One) led to a series of management changes and boardroom battles. Eventually, a strong leader emerged with the competence necessary to fix endemic issues within the firm (Starboard Value/Jamie Dimon.) A decade later, and the company is considered one of, if not the best, run company in the industry.
Wimpy’s/Barclays
Originally founded in the United States (Lehman Brothers/Bloomington, Indiana), this shop fell upon hard times due to mismanagement. The firm’s IP and licenses were bought out by a British competitor in a fire sale (J. Lyons and Co./Barclays) and the brand caught on in the UK. Nowadays, most people forget the company’s US origins and applaud the company for being one of the only European firms able to compete in the US market.
Please do JPM
added!
Petition to do investment banks as airlines, as hotels, and as clothing brands
MS as Abercrombie & Fitch
Why has no one done porn stars yet...
Goldman Sachs/Mia Khalifa: Known by millions perhaps even billions.
Morgan Stanley/Riley Reid: Well known as well but number two compared to Mia
Lazard/Brandi Love: Been around for a while in the shadows. Milf
Evercore/Lana Rhodes: Has been very successful lately. Name has been getting out there.
If you guys know anymore tell me and I'll add them
You 12 or something? 1. No one likes Mia and everyone knows she's overrated. 2. Riley Reid is much more famous than Mia. 3. Would've put Cali Carter instead for her age and lasting power 4. Lana Rhodes prime is behind her, you're 2 years too late.
This guy loves porn
Really appreciate your strong opinions here
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Future Mike Wagner here
This is great.
Could also do Mia Khalifa / Drexel Burnham. Not around anymore but still widely seen as the GOAT.
https://www.wallstreetoasis.com/forums/investment-banks-as-pornstars
Love this
RBC/Taco Bell
Knock yourself out for the description lol.
Taco Bell is arguably the most hyped up and one of the most social media present (except maybe for Wendy's twitter) major fast food restaurant and while it's food is OK and great when youre fucked up, it doesn't really compare to much actual mexican food or some of the more "elite" fast food joints like Chick-fil-A or Chipotle. Just like how RBC is wildly hyped up so much on this forum and while it's banking practice is good, it is still not a bulge bracket.
Wow you absolutely nailed it. OP should add this one to the list.
Add CS please
Holy shit as a LA boy I was trying to think of one for In n out and couldn't. Qatalyst is fucking perfect well done
Credit Suisse is Domino's
Would've thought JPM would be Wendys to round out the burger battle with BK and McDicks.
PJT should probably be Starbucks - really dam good at one thing, Coffee (RX) but also has ok quick food. (Starbucks also one of the best chains). Dunkins should be covered by a lesser RX shop
BofA- Subway..?
MM banks give me the Boloco/Chipotle/Dos Toros vibe given they're relatively all the same offering (huge concentration in sell-side M&A) so Blair, Baird, Houlihan or more likely Harris Williams
Jefferies being the toss up that it is would be something like Sonic. Is it good? is it fast food? is Jefferies a BB??
Wells Fargo might be Subway lmao. All over the place, everyone knows it but not viewed as great anymore and more known for recent scandals (fake accounts, Jared)
Lazard: White Castle - storied history and great performance, but has chosen not to expand to preserve internal profits
RBC - generic hotdog cart
In other words, no one knows if they're just a hot dog or a sandwich.
Yeah like is their IBD a BB or a generic boutique with multiple offices. (Yeah it's a joke)
I thought RBC was Tim Hortons, decent Canadian fast food chain trying to convince you they're fast casual (a bulge bracket).
Actually now that I think about it, that comparison might not be fair to Tim Hortons.
HSBC - Panda Express, supposedly Asian (Chinese-HK bank/Chinese food) but actually just another Westerner impostor (HQ in London/Americanized Chinese food).
Add Bank of America
BofA Securities / "BAML" = Carl's Junior / Hardees
BofA: Wendy's
A tier down from McDonald's (GS), but well respected for its individual products like the Baconator, Spicy Nuggets, and Chocolate Frosty (LevFin, DCM, FSG etc.)
RBC is Arby's because no one fucking eats there and everyone who works at RBC is a loser beta virgin who will never get a exit opportunity or fucking close a deal and will have to live with poverty line bonuses for the rest of their lives
Bold words from a prospect...
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