Hey fellow monkeys, I'm currently a junior in college and hoping to work in IB after college. I've heard a lot of horror stories about the IB hours and I'm curious to know if it's possible to maintain a relationship while working in IB and get married, have kids, etc. If you have any experiences or seen people do this I'd appreciate your input.
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Or at the very least how feasible is it for one to maintain a relationship with a long time GF. It would be great if people could share some tips or strategies you (or the people you worked with who had significant others) did to make it work for at least a couple year
A couple years might be a different story but you have to be honest as well. If your goal is to end up at KKR the hours aren't going to be getting much better truth be told.
Not really. I've heard stories of kids from my college who broke up with a long term GF after working in IB. Assuming you are looking for quality instead of a gold digger you simply have to spend more time with her. Girls are more emotional and need that time that many of us guys would be ok without. Can't really explain it but that's how it works. Obviously you may find a supportive GF but the thing is people aren't stupid. You aren't working in IB to make ends meet you are doing it for self-centered career reasons. Obviously a GF would support a career move but when you work 85 -100 hours and constantly cancel dates/events together it shows that you don't care for her considering there are many other careers that have better hours/ protected time off. tldr it shows you love the career much more than her
Also btw I'm single before anyone starts attacking me for having the "Prospect in IB M&A" tag lol.
"Is it possible to maintain a relationship while working in IB?"
Short answer: No.
Long answer: Fuck no.
I have seen it happen, it requires commitment and trust from both sides as well as very good communication. In most cases both parties were working similar jobs therefore understood the hours and unpredictability. Ie consulting + IB.
Didn’t work for me. Lost one GF. New GF always gives me shit for working late. Just doesn’t understand. I suggest to avoid serious LTR until you have more control over your work flow.
I hate it when I see people like you who are like "oh my gf doesn't understand." As I stated above girls are more emotional than guys and need that time with you. You're the one who doesn't understand here. Of course there are gold diggers available but that's another story altogether.
I think I understand exactly what’s going on, I’m not disagreeing with you. What I’m saying is she doesn’t understand why I need to work so late. She thinks it’s optional. Doesn’t matter how much I explain. Ex was like this too. I think I’m not the only one with this experience; obviously you need to spend time with your SO to be able to maintain the relationship ... most people probably don’t want to stick around until I can get some cushy 40 hours a week position.
Trying to maintain a relationship while being a junior banker adds incremental stress to an already stressful situation. Ultimately your performance will suffer - I've seen it numerous times.
I suggest avoiding a long-term relationship until you're able to dedicate more time. Anyways, the best time to be single is your late 20s / early 30s.
This will be group dependent. You will find that certain firms and groups within said firms will be supportive of a life outside of the office. Recruiting is about optimizing the quality of professional experience, which is predicated on deal flow and culture. Do not be resigned to the fact that this experience needs to be totally miserable.
On the relationship front, make time for your partner. Maybe the night on the town "with the boys" isn't needed if you haven't seen your partner all week?
It's doable, but it's rough. I've been dating my girlfriend for about 3 years now, and I'm a first year at an M&A boutique. She's at B4, and her parents met in the industry so she somewhat understands. My hours are typically about 70-80 hours per week, but I really don't have to work much on the weekend. If I do, I have a lot of flexibility to WFH, deadlines are "flexible", and coming into the office is discouraged unless absolutely necessary. This isn't going to the be the case with every group and wasn't the case when I started here, but as I got more experienced and showed the senior guys I was capable of working independently I got a lot more discretion on things like that.
I try to be as responsive during the day as possible without letting it affect my work, and am very transparent like "Hey have to finish this, will be back in an hour or so" and she's understanding. She takes priority on the weekends, and we will be moving in together after the new year, so that will help too. It's not easy, but if you want it to work you can generally make it work. It's also heavily dependent on your group, since if you're going to be at a Moelis type bank and have 0 weekends, it's going to be more difficult.
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