Mentally Lost
Does anybody else feel like they are drifting? I used to be so certain about my life. I worked out every day, had a girlfriend, worked hard in school and studied for this career. Now, I feel lost. I am not in shape anymore (not fat but just an average looking joe schmo), am single but don't necessarily want a partner but also hate being single. I don't understand why I put myself through this life anymore but know that I would be bored elsewhere if I wasn't actively working towards this longer term goal of achievement in finance. It's all paradoxical and confusing.
ChatGPT says I am in a liminal space. A sort of grief for an old version of myself that was tethered to the systems I had in place which gave my days clarity. I don't know. I am brutally hungover so that likely is a contributing factor.
I think I used to see everything so clearly. What I wanted my life to be. It was a simple vision...marry the girl, be successful in finance, appreciate the time. Yet, the more time I spent with her the less I liked her. She bored me. This job is boring. The routine is boring.
In a pretty similar spot here. Didn't have the girlfriend but can relate to the other stuff.
Personally for me, I'm bored of my current role. I only care about it so I get my paycheck and can "support" my "lifestyle" (read: crazy rent).
I'm also bored of my routine. I feel like the stuff I'm working towards/opportunities I'm getting are externally impressive (people congratulate me, people compliment me) but it's just so meaningless.
I've rarely in my life been able to stick at something for much longer than a few years. This might just be that again.
As for what to do, from my more successful and satisfied friends they tell me (I haven't yet listened) to:
Take some time out. Away from distractions if possible, to think about what you actually want from life. Do this either in one long go (2 week holiday, avoid phone/internet, spend time with your own thoughts). Or you can do it regularly i.e. like once a week for 30 mins and gradually form an idea in your head. Journal, write, and talk with others (there are others who feel like you).
Most people I know in finance who had these thoughts eventually ended up quitting finance btw.
Thanks for the response. It's somewhat calming to know that I am not alone in this feeling. I have no clue what I want from life anymore but I guess that's what I need to figure out. I just did a 10-day solo trip where I reflected and bounced around and that stream of consciousness is the result haha.
I feel like a big part of my identity is tied to my job which I know is not a good thing. I guess I need to reflect on what actually makes me happy. I made decisions so aggressively (i.e., fuck it I am going to study finance to go make money and work very hard) without more of a reflection on what would actually satisfy me.
Now I have achieved everything I wanted to achieve in the last 4 years and feel desolate. I will rough it out for a couple years I think and then we'll see. It's weird to not know what makes you happy or what my interests are. I was always very linear in life. Wake up workout study repeat.
I get the externally impressive feeling as well. I see it a lot with people who never tried to enter the industry but now being in it I am just bleak.
I never tried to appreciate art or culture which I guess is where I'll start. Cheers mate
How old are you? As silly as it sounds a lot of people have a “quarter life crisis” around 25-26 after they’ve been in the workforce for a few years. This might be when you start to see the slope of experiences temporarily plateau.
In college into your first year or so of work you’re climbing multiple learning curves that are exciting and you see rapid progress over a short period of time. Then things start to settle down as you get into a rhythm and the days can start to blend together. That monotony can be demoralizing and can lead to complacency.
It’ll pass but you have to stop being passive. The attitude that “life is happening to me” will extend this period. I’m not saying that’s what you’re doing but typically being “stuck” is a passive state. You have the power to unstick yourself and chart your own path outside of predetermined tracks to success.
1. Take a break - do a solo trip, meet people, stop being so serious
2. Write down the types of problems you like to solve. Puzzles, people, analytical, etc.
3. Identify your learning style. How do you go about solving those problems most effectively? Reading, getting your hands dirty, etc.
4. Commit to one change in your life, personal or professional that aligns with a problem you enjoy solving and is executed using your learning style.
This doesn’t need to be a major change. Small adjustments build momentum and compound over time. Eventually it becomes a habit and when you find yourself stuck again it doesn’t feel like a monumental effort to break out.
I am in that age range. Thank you for the suggestions. I took my break and definitely think you are right on # 4. Small things first. Cheers.
You got this! When I was at this stage, I ended up moving from ER -> VC, packing up my life in NYC and moving to SF.
You’re not alone in this. A few of my friends and myself have gone through something like this. A few thoughts to share:
1) This is totally normal. I think a few things caused this: A) up until graduation from schools, you AND your peers have been on a very linear path TOGETHER: high school > college > internship > full time job. After schools, you all started on somewhat different paths with substantially different lifestyle
2) It takes time to figure out what you want in career and life, or what kind of partner you want. You likely won’t figure that out just through a solo trip or couple months of reflection. I have been thinking about that for years, went back to school, traveled, switched jobs. I’m still not totally sure but I’m sure that I know more than I use to.
3) Even if you pivot completely, you past experience will not go waste. I had 5+ years in IB before switching to tech, and my experience in IB continues to benefit me.
Couple things that were helpful for me to figure out what I want:
> take notes on work I was more willing to do vs less willing to do
> take notes on things I chose to do when I had free time
> hire a career coach
None of these individually gave me all the answers, but collectively, they helped me to better understand what I want. Hope this is helpful.
OP Here. Very helpful and thank you for the response. I get that it takes time. I hadn't thought about how it was me & my peers all being linear together but that makes a ton of sense. The note taking on free time and ideal work makes a lot of sense. Right now my free time is super limited so I just use it to see old friends, occasionally date and lift when I can. Seems somewhat mundane.
The support on this forum is so incredibly awesome. Thanks again. I think what I am seeing from all these responses is to go one day at a time, make little changes first, stop taking myself so seriously, and be more observant as to what I actually enjoy doing / not doing in my current life to make a decision on the next step.
Cheers man
It's time to go make some mistakes
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