Monster shits ruining my chance at a return offer?
I'm starting my internship at an EB and the hours are hell. I usually cannot poop in the morning or night (the only time I'm at my apartment). Problem is I naturally take super long, infrequent shits. I've been getting weird looks from my VPs and Associates since I'm gone for about 30 minutes at a time. I've tried everything (drinking water, fiber, caffeine) but my body just likes to build it up all at once and release it. I'm afraid it's going to ruin my return offer chances but it's also awkward to bring it up. Should I let HR know??
If you’re going to be gone for 30 minutes, at least make it productive. Bring your laptop in there. Bang out a model, take a client call, respond to emails, idk stay on top of news while wiping. If anyone asks, you were putting out a fire, not lighting one in your ass in the back stall.
Good luck and may your next dump be pre-market.
This is the only good advice here
This does not work at my firm because there is no connection in the bathroom.
I am unironically sort of the same. Couple things I've learned
Go to a doctor and get a certificate for this health issue. HR can’t fire you now for this, hell you are now a precious DEI hire.
You are welcome
This should increase your chances dramatically, since you're asserting dominance on the office and marking your territory.
If you ever get jammed too hard at work, take your pants off in the middle of the floor, make direct eye contact with your group head while you're shitting and say in a deadpan Dexter sociopath voice "this is what happens when I don't get my protected weekend"
How does it take 30 minutes long?
Doesn't matter. I'm full time and I shit however long I want. I usually take around 20 mins. No one cares.
Better pull up those Huggies Snug and Dry’s bud your career is at stake
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