Hearing my MD expectation manage with his wife on the phone is actually legendary. I have never heard someone bullshit so hard. Like literally the ingenuity of the way he frames things might be more clever when talking to his wife than investors. 

You think explaining a month or two of blown projections to an investor account is hard, try explaining to your wife that you can't make the family vacation without getting your nads ripped off. Guy was a god among men (and presumably had a super cool wife).

 
Funniest

You know this industry is fucked when someone telling their wife they can’t make the family vacation is super badass

 

Workaholic type. Dude wants to be immersed in his deals, not at little league soccer haha. He's actually a really nice guy.  

 

Ha, classic take from one without kids. Wait until you have screaming toddlers and dirty diapers at home...

 

Right - its at that point when you gotta disregard those kids, fuck those kids. Screaming, crying, and having dirty diapers as a toddler?? Nah, fuck um, they should know better. You paying for their private schooling will certainly make up for your absence in their life.... certainly 

 
Controversial

I'm not backing down from this take. Doubling down. Fuck them kids!

If they grow up fucked up because their dad wasn't home to wipe their bums and left his wife to do it that is because they are weak and an accident in the gene pool. I have recently even begun the habit of beating my sperm after I ejaculate so even the sperm cells that don't make it to fertilization in utero get a taste of negligence and hate.  

 

Know a rainmaker MD at CVP/PJT/EVR type firm. He mentioned once in a half joking half serious way that his kids hate him and he has to schedule meeting slots in his schedule just to spend time with them. You could tell he loved the game though

 

Proof that some MD bankers are true cucks to their clients and somehow prospects/juniors glorify this lmao.

 

MD in my group (who is very much a relationship guy and rarely gets involved in execution / technical aspects of deals) got us a buy-side advisory role on a deal that brought in over $40 million in fees.

On the kick-off call, he's the first to speak and says "Folks, I brought the horse to the pond. Now you just need to make sure the water is fucking good." He then put himself on mute and coasted throughout the entire deal.

 

My MD is so good at extremely accurately role playing how a client interaction is going to play out like:

"he's gonna say this, that and we're gonna tell him x/y/z and he will come back with a/b/c and we're gonna be back where we started so expect to feel like you're spinning you're wheels on this"

And that is literally exactly what will end up playing out. Maybe not badass but he really really gets his clients and I guess that level of intuition comes with doing this shit for decades.

 

That sounds AMAZING. Cuts down on iterations and helps you anticipate & define the what and why behind workflows. Being paired up with an MD that can't anticipate successfully makes your life a lot worse.  

 

That’s kinda nice considering it probably helps moral with managing expectations for juniors really well.

 

One of my best girl friends growing up in Jersey had a dad who was a big-time MD. She was awesome but a total slut, which is why all us guys loved her. So fun to be around. Anyway, one day she threw a party while her dad was supposed to be staying in the city and her mom was away. 

Dude came home to a bunch of drunk ass high schoolers acting like sloppy idiots in his home and lost his shit. He asked my buddy where his daughter was and buddy froze up because his daughter was literally sucking dick in a car outside. When there was no response the MD/Dad threw a chair through a window. 

Next time your MD shafts you just remember....his daughter is prob sucking dick in a car outside rn. What's the worst he can do? Throw a chair through a window?

 

He couldn't have been that big-time if they were in Jersey

 

Happened while I was an intern. I went out with the MD for drinks, and he and I got sloshed. I had to do a super duper minor thing for an analyst and VP the next day on his team (wasn't deal related), and I straight up just didn't because I forgot as it was due while he and I were out. They emailed my staffer about it, and the MD covered for me. In hindsight, it was really shitty for them to email the staffer because it wasn't mission critical work at all. The staffer told me he was with the MD on this, and I got the return, in a different group I wanted more. Actually, everyone thought the analyst and VP were out of line on this, so it really  worked out. I think the MD is an alcoholic. 

 

"I think my MD is an alcoholic" was the most important line in this story lol

 

I f you ever get the chance to drink with your Alcoholic MDs, absolutely do it. He'll be so worried about covering his own ass once he drinks too much such that you can get away with murder drinking under his watch and he'll still need you to cover for him more than vice versa. 

This sounds like a classic example. "Oh fuck. I'm getting sloshed with an intern in broad day and the intern isn't even done with his work yet. Oh fuck, shit. Okay, I got this I'll just tell the staffer we're having a super important meeting so he fucks off and no one questions my drinking."

 

This is very good advice - I got hammered with my present MD while I was an intern, we bonded and he's now gone all Gordon Gekko/Bud Fox on me without the insider trading - he's making sure I get trained up properly, get proper exposure to deals and (supposedly) that I get properly compensated and promoted. 

 
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Not something I would try to replicate but def a big dick move. We issued a term sheet to a hot prospect and are on the phone with the Founder... the Founder says something to the effect of "So (competitor) is working through things right now, they're only 2-3 days behind you all. I really like you guys and anticipate signing with you but I want to play things out with (competitor) so I can feel like I explored all my options." MD immediately goes "Our term sheet expires at midnight tonight." The Founder and I both laughed but he was just silent and it immediately became clear he wasn't joking. The call ended semi-awkwardly but we got the signed term sheet a couple hours later. 

 

Is this really the more feasible maneuver than simply getting a condo with thicker walls?

 

We were working on a live deal and the Partner's wife wouldn't stop calling him cause we were all still in the office super late. In the middle of a call with the lawyers, he gets another call from his wife, tells everyone on the call to stop for a second, answers his wife's call, and with the entire group listening says something along the lines of: "I will be home when I will be home. Stop calling me. If you want to live the life that we live you need to stop calling me." Then proceeds to block her number and we continued business as usual. I had to step out cause I couldn't stop laughing.

 

That's obviously really funny but idk that's also kind of sad, I wouldn't want to be either of them.

 
quantmonkey13

We were working on a live deal and the Partner's wife wouldn't stop calling him cause we were all still in the office super late. In the middle of a call with the lawyers, he gets another call from his wife, tells everyone on the call to stop for a second, answers his wife's call, and with the entire group listening says something along the lines of: "I will be home when I will be home. Stop calling me. If you want to live the life that we live you need to stop calling me." Then proceeds to block her number and we continued business as usual. I had to step out cause I couldn't stop laughing.

I’m surprised so many people think this is good/funny as opposed to sad/depressing. 

As I’ve said before, I “made it” when I didn’t have to deal with late nights, etc. when people worked around my schedule. And luckily for me, it happened right around the time I had kids. I tell people that work for me and those that I work for that I’m unavailable between 5-7 to be with family. Unless something is really pressing it isn’t happening. 

To treat your partner like that is just f*cked. 
 

 
quantmonkey13

We were working on a live deal and the Partner's wife wouldn't stop calling him cause we were all still in the office super late. In the middle of a call with the lawyers, he gets another call from his wife, tells everyone on the call to stop for a second, answers his wife's call, and with the entire group listening says something along the lines of: "I will be home when I will be home. Stop calling me. If you want to live the life that we live you need to stop calling me." Then proceeds to block her number and we continued business as usual. I had to step out cause I couldn't stop laughing.

I'm surprised so many people think this is good/funny as opposed to sad/depressing. 

As I've said before, I "made it" when I didn't have to deal with late nights, etc. when people worked around my schedule. And luckily for me, it happened right around the time I had kids. I tell people that work for me and those that I work for that I'm unavailable between 5-7 to be with family. Unless something is really pressing it isn't happening. 

To treat your partner like that is just f*cked. 
 

Nah, she's a strong independent woman, she can figure her own sh*t out. 

 

There is an MD that lives in one of the luxury buildings in TriBeCa and told me that he and his wife wanted a full time nanny to help with his kids, but wasn’t comfortable with having a semi-stranger living full time in one of the bedrooms, but wanted her close enough to do last minute child care if needed.

So he bought a one bedroom in the building for her to use whenever she had to stay late.

 

Went to the super bowl 4-5 years back with an MD in college that partied hard. This guy at the time seemed like he was easily 350+ lbs, answered to a nickname that only someone in the mafia would (think Capo Agostino), very likely had a substance abuse problem, and had what appeared to be a rotation of prostitutes that followed him around. 

It was hilarious the dude looked like he was the main character in weekend at Bernie’s. He’d disappear for like 5 hours and come back with different prostitutes every single time and was so blacked out that it looked like they were holding him up because he could barely walk. When it was time to go to the actual game the dude spent $100K on tickets for him and said prostitutes to attend the game that he paid for with cash but was too fucked up to get in.  Never seen or heard from the guy after that and to this day I have no idea what the hell he was on (best guess is a cocktail of Xanax, edibles, and booze) but it was funny to watch. 

 

The best MD starts with the end goal in mind, pitch books are relatively slim and are tailored. They spend thirty minutes detailing what to do so we don’t spend a bunch of time for things that get cut. Another director has a knack for figuring out what’s top of mind, it’s honestly uncanny. It means more bespoke slides, but far fewer of them.

 

Partner was having lunch with our team and told us this story. It was 9pm and he decided to bring his old girlfriend to the office. He told everyone she was an interviewee and banged her in his office after everyone left. What a guy