New associate is so fucking annoying - Help
This new guy has just been hired and they decided to place him next to me. He is a FUCKING nightmare. Music from his earphones can be heard 6 floors down, he is constantly talking (either to himself or on his personal phone), D-O-E-S N-O-T S-T-O-P bouncing his leg and goes over people's screens all the fucking time like "watcha doing there"?
I have politely asked him to turn the music down multiple times but two hours later the same shit will happen. I don't really know what to do about the talking to himself so i just turn my head and stare at him.. Now, i would like to break both of his legs but unfortunately that is not an option. As for the screens - i mean - just imagine. The only problem is that he is an associate and i am an analyst as is the second person next to him, with whom we face this predicament.
Any advice?
I wouldn't be so quick to set limitations on yourself. Even if you find yourself on the frailer side, a well placed tire iron swing to an unsuspecting associate should make you more than capable of breaking his legs.
Put all his stuff in Jell-O.
Cut off one of his fingers. The little one. Then you tell him his thumb's next.
Take him out for drinks. Wait for him to do something stupid and regrettable. Acquire leverage. You are the captain now.
last sentence killed me
It's
You can and you have already with this sentence.
Seriously - just talk to HR to get moved. Say it's affecting your emotional / mental health.
Cyber bully him
Become the worst desk buddy ever so he actively wants to move:
Take sips from his coffee in the morning
When he listens to music loudly from his headphones tell him you like it and ask him to blare it from his computer. If you can get another couple people to get along on this bit with you it adds to the humor
If you fart just shout "fuck man, are you ok? hitting Chipotle too much?"
Anything else you can think of to be the most annoying desk neighbor will have him move within the week. Promise
Relate to this whole thing. ESPECIALLY last sentence. My MD eats crisps all the time and chews so loudly and I cannot wear headphones as he is always rambling about his day to us and especially me. HELP
Start farting non-stop
He's a brand new associate and you're an experienced analyst? Unless you're a total fuck up, at this point your team values you way more than they do him. If he isn't responding to your attempts to address the issues in a mature and respectful manner, I'd start by escalating it to a more sr associate that you have a good relationship with. You'd be surprised how much power you have and how afraid a new associate should be of pissing off a well respected analyst. If a sr assoc pulls him aside and discusses it with him and he doesn't learn, he has no self awareness and he's not long for investment banking. Best of luck!
Oooo this is great I had the same situation. I vocally called him out. Looked like an asshole but completely worth it since other chimes in and made it apparent.
.
Just a little update on this;
The music has stopped.
Told him that he is like a nosy old lady looking over people's screens all the time and everyone started laughing - so that has stopped (at least on my screen).
The dementia is still there, he talks to himself all the time.
I daily fantasize about breaking his fucking legs so they stop moving - sometimes in different ways, using different "tools".
Nowadays, we have a new problem though. He chews like a starved fucking hyena that is participating in a who can chew the loudest competition. I am dreaming about shoving that chicken so deep down his throat he shits eggs. Am i turning crazy?
Dude clearly has ADHD. Ask him if he's taken his Ritalin that day. If he does, most of those activities will die down.
Pistols at sunset.
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