Personal life and job performance

I don’t think it is realistic to completely disregard emotions, and I think knowing and accepting that is a first useful step. It isn’t weird to feel bad, it is normal, then there is the question about how to deal with it while still focusing on work. I find a few things helpful:

1) Set aside time for yourself, and create explicit time boxes: sometimes it is helpful to take time and think about your situation; things that you could have done differently, or just time to be sad a bit and reflect on it. This isn’t a bad thing, I find that too often people try to “power through it” and don’t give themselves time to just think about what happened, and so the thoughts creep into their daily lives. I don’t find it helpful to just “be distracted” constantly so I don’t think about it, because then I think about things at random times, I rather just give myself the time during the day/night/weekend to reflect. I wouldn’t hold onto this or do it to the point of getting yourself down, but more as a chance to be at peace with it and move on.

2) Day by day, task by task: When a big event happens (break up, death in family, etc) it won’t just go away, but I find it useful to do #1 above (give myself time outside of work) and then take my day one step at a time. So my focus at work is just on the day or task, I know I’ll have time to think (or be sad, or whatever I want) later, but during that day I’m taking each hour/task/etc as the sole focus of my time. I will hold each task as the top priority and focus on the small wins along the way

3) lean into your interests and things that bring you happiness: While I don’t think you want to constantly be distracted, I think it is important to lean into the things you find fun/interesting to help decompress and take your mind off of things. Work is fine, but lean into the things that make you happy (sports, friends, food, etc). Usually when you have many “good” things going for you, the “bad” events are easier to manage, it’s like having a diversified portfolio (had to add that in there…this is a finance forum)

4) talk to friends (or therapist if you are struggling to connect with friends): sometimes it is useful to just talk it out with someone. You realize that others have gone through similar things, that things end up ok, and you get advice along the way.

5) take a trip/go out/etc: I like taking a trip when there are big things in life. I find that a change of scenery and a short vacation gives me time to unwind and separate myself a bit from things that remind me of whatever situation I’m in. 

Anyway, that’s the advice I have. I find that small, incremental focus and wins along with time to just be at peace and move on are usually the best route for me. I definitely wasn’t like that when I was younger, I remember a breakup just taking all my energy and focus, but I think it was because of many of the things I note above (it was “the” thing in my life, didn’t talk to people about it, didn’t take time, didn’t lean into other things, basically didn’t give myself the chance to actually get over it). Now in this industry for 15+ years and have had many ups and downs in life (breakups, death of family, bad accident requiring surgery, etc), and can tell you it’s totally normal (maybe not the bad accident), and there are many ways through this. Hope things end up well for you.