Recently Been Told I Am Too Competitive Need Genuine Advice

Im exactly like you here. I just dont mention it. Come up with another reason for why banking/finance/other. I tend to focus a lot on being sociable so im always laughing, smiling, and talking to everyone that way I dont come off as a hardo, but when its time to work I crack my fingers and get lost in wanting to be the best among my peers.

Well it would be helpful to know where you are in your career. Student, FT?

How do you behave in the company of colleagues?

Little anecdote, was at a networking event and a Goldman intern was there and he was universally disliked as he had no social skills. He just kept firing off questions without letting other people get a word in. He also came across a bit fake as he constantly mentioned his "passion for finance and modelling". Try being a little more laid back, help people out as much as you can and maintain your competitive streak but keep it friendly

Well my guess is that when you overtly and continually talk about being competitive, and seeking competition – it probably annoys the shit out of people.

Like the jacked dude at the gym who always talks about lifting .. Yeah bro, we get it – you lift tons of weights .. so what? What now?

Reminds me of a time a few years ago when we had a new trading assistant .. math/stats major, sharp guy .. but he was continually turning every conversation into a bet he would make. For instance a college football bowl game was on once and a team would be down 21 in the 1st quarter, and I would make some sort of comment like “Christ, they’re gonna lose by 50” … He would come over and be like “I’d take 10,000 to 1 odds that they don't lose by 50 for $1, do we have a bet?? ” … And he was all smarmy about it like he was good at probabilities, when in fact my comment was dumb hyperbole out of frustration. He didn’t get the social aspect of anything. You’re good at math great! But you’re annoying the living daylights out of everyone.

So maybe try to add another dimension to who you are as a person. Your edit to your original post was also a bit of a head scratcher – you want to get better at pretending to be genuine and authentic? I think you are approaching your self-improvement from the wrong direction

I went to a state school and attribute any of my 'successes' to being interested in other people, asking good questions, and maintaining humility when answering questions. I always recommend the above mentioned Carnegie book. I'm also competitive and thus naturally confident, so I'm sure you're aware of the feeling when someone asks about you or your work that it isn't unenjoyable to answer them. When you learn to draw that feeling out of other people, you'll find that you'll be more successful. If you're as competitive as you claim, then you should be learning the tricks to the game, and the best trick I've found is just asking questions and (trying to) have interest in what they're saying.

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I don't think your competitiveness is the problem, that is a great skill to have however, I would say it's your lack of ability to read social situations. Know your audience. Know when to be competitive, and know when to put on the breaks/cool it off the competitive talk in the lunch room, social gatherings, meetings, etc.

I am no psychologist - but I imagine this is not an overnight fix. IF i were you, I would start asking people about themselves. Let them speak, and you listen.

I get it, you want to be the very best. I was like that too when I was younger, it makes sense as you are still a student. The fact of the matter is, if you really want to advance at some point you will need allies.

I'm concerned that this is posted specifically in the investment banking forum. I-banking is not competitive, at least at the junior level. In most groups those who need to be the star and don't support their teammates either crash and burn or get asked to leave.

Their are plenty of roles where you're surrounded by hardworking and driven individuals. This isn't unique to banking at all.

I had the same issue last year tbh and I still believe it's an amazing mindset to have but you need to balance it with social skills so that you don't come off as a dick to people who aren't as competitive. Tbh if you have that competitive mentality you should look into S&T. Much more of a meritocracy compared to IB

Different slant here - you are who you are. No reason or need to hide it. Long term you really can't anyway. Why not consider leveraging it? I'm sure there's a place in finance for you. However, why not consider a career in a sales capacity (could be finance or anything). Having worked in sales organizations my whole life, competition is king and winners are rewarded financially and with lots of perks (like exotic trips to world class resorts and an audience with the Firm's CEO and other senior leaders). That competitive drive you have is what's needed to hit and exceed goals. It's very much like competitive sports, striving to be the best and winning.

I can relate to your situation 100%. For some reason, competition to me was a desire, it was something I thrived to be involved with because I thought being the most competitive will accomplish the most and be the most successful person. I was wrong when I took a realistically look at myself. There is a difference between competitive with others and being competitive with yourself. Don't think about competition, think about bettering yourself everyday. In life, just because someone is more successful or strives to accomplish a goal more than you, that doesn't mean you aren't competitive. Think about the future, the relationships you make in life with people and how you view yourself. Is being competitive wrong? No, it's when your ambition to be competitive for a reason beyond your understanding and realization that you don't need be #1 in life to be successful.

WHAT THE FUCK

"In previous job experiences, I behave professionally in the company of colleagues. Definitely not acting the "real" me, I stay polite and professional."

Being polite and professional has nothing to do with NOT being competitive. They were never mutually exclusive. If you really work so hard on being the best version of yourself try to work on your politeness and professionalism just as much.

Either you're a liar and a sociopath OR you're an obsessive immature person with issues.

In latin competition meant "to strive for sth together". In ancient Greece, competition was healthy and sacred. Competition by itself has nothing negative to it. If you're really the best at something, then that's just it- you're the best. What people are really trying to tell you is "DUDE, stop trying to look like you wanna fuck us over and/or being an arrogant prick when you succeed".

You started with "I'm a cool dude" and then moved to "...replace it with genuine and authentic sounding words even though I don't believe one word". Then you say "I just want to be great" (egocentric are you really?).

You basically say real me =/= polite and professional

People like you make life in the office toxic. Before you know it, you're not just being good at your job, but you don't celebrate the success of others. Then you look for ways to fuck your fellow intern/Analyst over and this is not nice.

Your attitude hints at some very negative traits. Focus on the advice of InvestingScientist and reformed and undergrad20. If you cannot fix it, maybe indeed "we are who we are", and you're not supposed to work in IB or any other heavily teamwork-focused environment.