Roast My Resume/Non-target peasantry
Removed.
Removed.
| +139 | Restructuring: Anti-climactic Experience | 36 | 8h |
| +110 | IB Net Worth / Savings Check | 51 | 7h |
| +100 | Woman who emptied Knicks trashcan on street then stole it was DEI exec, worked at JPMorgan Chase | 25 | 5h |
| +80 | Stop sleeping on UBS - it’s pretty good | 29 | 4h |
| +70 | Hot take: I’d rather be at Desjardins than UBS for investment banking in 2026 | 13 | 11m |
| +56 | 2026 VAULT PRESTIGE RANKINGS | 30 | 1h |
| +39 | AI + Financial Modelling | 12 | 1d |
| +32 | Hardest interview experiences? | 20 | 1h |
| +28 | Summer before college | 17 | 19h |
| +26 | Current State of UBS in North America | 8 | 2d |
Career Resources
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To start, reformat this whole thing, it sort of hurts my eyes to look at it. Delete "(simultaneously work 40 hours a week)". Take Goldman's name out of the "State Street" section. Under "investor/trader" take the dollar amount that you manage out and recalculate your annual return in reference to the SP500, although honestly you should delete this whole sub-section from your resume and just mention it casually during the interview. "Additional skills" should be shit like "BIWS modeling modules" or "bloomberg certifications in equities" instead of what you have. Also, make your font smaller on everything. Just from glancing at your resume I can tell you didn't have enough experience / qualifications to make it one whole page but if you format it in a better way than what you currently have it will not look as bad.
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Didn't you mention you realized that you had to network your ass off? Do that instead of putting something on your resume that may land you in jeopardy later.
Is it innaprporiate to name-drop them?
Yes. Never mention other firms names, exact size of deals/transactions, or specific peoples names in an interview-type setting. It's inappropriate, unprofessional, and could put you in a bad spot down the road.
Make your name smaller.
Left align the headings. Make all of them smaller, too.
Take away the parentheses around your degree. Wtf.
Take the periods out of "GPA".
Take the 40 hrs/wk out of your GPA line. Put that in the additional section (discussed later), if anywhere.
Change "Additional Honors" (additional to what?) to "Honors". Put Magna Cum Laude under this heading. Don't say "Qualified for" or "60th credit hour". Just put "Awarded Magna Cum Laude".
Put a comma after "Inductee" in Alpha Lambda Delta Chi Epsilon Fucking whatever.
Put "Dean's List Recipient, All Semesters" (assuming that's all of 'em).
Change "Financial Experience" to "Experience".
Don't put how many hours a week you worked.
Don't put what group you were selected to be in. Obviously, you worked there... and it'll come up in an interview if you work on this piece of shit resume. Put some tangible skills, projects, and results you helped drive.
Your second bullet for State St. doesn't make sense on the first read. If "direct investments" is supposed to be something you did (doubtfully), at least put it in the same tense as the first verb you use.
Fix verb tense in third State St. bullet point.
Put a period after the S in U.S. if you're putting one after the U. Put a comma after stock market in the same bullet. Put "achieving" before 42.7%.
Put the name of your business instead of Entrepreneur.
Put the name of your position at the "Institution for Savings", whatever the fuck that is.
Get rid of the entire "Additional Skills" section. The only bullet you should keep is the first one, and you should make it something more interesting, like "Speak English and Greek natively; immigrated in 20XX" ... whatever.
Move the above bullet under "Extracurriculars / Interests", and change that category to "Additional".
Limit your "Additional" section to 5 bullets MAX. 3-4 is better.
Get rid of all personal pronouns (I, we, etc.) and articles (a, an, the, etc.).
Good luck, kid.
Wow, you tore it apart completely. Thanks for that, appreciate it!
The current formatting is cancerous. You're a junior interested in IB, by now you should be smart enough to do some due diligence and build a better formatted resume.
I'd probably leave the black belt thing off, Idk how that's relevant.
it shows that he's diligent and put in a lot of hours to achieve a certain designation. It's also a good talking point.
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