The Homeless Investment Banker

I've been spending so much time in the office over the last month or 2; I've slept in the office in the past and the last time really got me thinking.

What if you just lived at work? Literally. You could do it. We have tons of closet space, a dry cleaner and a gym/shower in the building. Stick everything in storage and keep about 10 shirts and 4 suits in the office. Leave all your undershirts, socks, boxers, ties... in a large filing drawer. Most people already have 3 pairs of shoes sitting under their desk.

My place of choice to rest my head in the office is one of 3 places. We have a large conference room, more of an auditorium that has very comfortable bench seats lining the outside. The second is one of the couches in the "entertaining" conference rooms, and 3 is on the floor in a conference room. Obviously you need to be out of sight, thus the conference rooms. If push comes to shove, maybe one of the privacy rooms.

Work until about 4... wake up around 8, shower and get dressed and be back at your desk by 9 / 9:15.

You'll save rent, utilities and transportation expenses. In addition, since you're always at work, you'll also save on going out and meals.

So now the main question... are you fucking serious? Who would want to live at work and have no other life. And thats what got me thinking about this in the first place, its not much different than what I do now anyway. I pay $2,200 a month to use a bed 4 hours per night and a shower every morning. I pay another $90 a month to commute to and from that $2,200 bed/shower. I pay another $300 for cable I don't watch and gas and electric I don't use. So quality of life is not much different really... I honestly feel like a complete idiot for not actually doing this.

As an analyst... you'll probably save literally 80% of your after tax income across 2 years. So after your analyst stint you will have $125K in the bank... more if you factor in 401K contributions+match. Next assuming you're intelligent, you will hands down me THE most productive analysts most bankers will have encountered in their entire careers.

The caveat is... #1- you will have literally had no social development over a 2 year period. #2- it takes a certain type of person to be able to do something like that day in and day out and still have a shit eating smile on your face.

Career Advancement Opportunities

May 2024 Investment Banking

  • Jefferies & Company 02 99.4%
  • Goldman Sachs 19 98.8%
  • Harris Williams & Co. New 98.3%
  • Lazard Freres 02 97.7%
  • JPMorgan Chase 04 97.1%

Overall Employee Satisfaction

May 2024 Investment Banking

  • Harris Williams & Co. 18 99.4%
  • JPMorgan Chase 10 98.8%
  • Lazard Freres 05 98.3%
  • Morgan Stanley 07 97.7%
  • William Blair 03 97.1%

Professional Growth Opportunities

May 2024 Investment Banking

  • Lazard Freres 01 99.4%
  • Jefferies & Company 02 98.8%
  • Goldman Sachs 17 98.3%
  • Moelis & Company 07 97.7%
  • JPMorgan Chase 05 97.1%

Total Avg Compensation

May 2024 Investment Banking

  • Director/MD (5) $648
  • Vice President (20) $385
  • Associates (89) $259
  • 3rd+ Year Analyst (14) $181
  • Intern/Summer Associate (33) $170
  • 2nd Year Analyst (67) $168
  • 1st Year Analyst (205) $159
  • Intern/Summer Analyst (146) $101
notes
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