The Types of Investment Banking Summer Analyst Applicants
As an incoming summer analyst at a BB this summer in London who has applied two years in a row, I am no stranger to the application process and the types of people that it attracts. At its best, IB applicant culture is a great way to make friends and make use of very niche inside jokes/phrases. At its worst, it is the most toxic, dog-eat-dog world shit you have ever seen. These are some of the key types of people I've seen throughout my long and arduous journey /s.
The CV Hunter
Will sell their soul for an extra bullet point on their CV. This person only sees things in black and white (pun intended) and has never sought out any hobby out of personal interest. Can often be seen wearing Polo Ralph Lauren around campus and you will see him at every networking event, sipping their champagne in the corner of the room.
The LinkedIn Slut
If there was a networking event on campus that you missed, this guy/girl will make sure to remind you as you peruse LinkedIn. Often seen holding a notepad to record names of HR and analysts they met and tag them later. More active on LinkedIn than facebooks. Can often be spotted liking Asim Qureshi posts.
The STEM Guy
Someone who does Physics/Maths/Comp Sci/Engineering who has recently discovered IB. Will make you feel very insecure about your candidate strength from their 60 million A*s at A-Levels or their perfect SAT score. You find solace in the fact that they only discovered finance recently, else there'd be no spots available. Usually very tall and white.
Rich Singaporean Girl
If you don't have one of these in your IB networking events, you don't go to a target school. Had PE experience before coming to university. Dresses extremely well.
The UBS Guy
The definition of 'above average but nothing special'. These people can take all shapes and sizes, but they will be categorically above average in a lot of things like Grades, Social Skills and Work Experiences, but nothing that in isolation will truly shock you. Make no mistake, they are probably better than you at Math if they passed the UBS online test. It just makes sense to you that they don't go to an American BB or anything worse like a DB (#FreeDBInternPay)
The Fake God
Has 2000 Spring Week offers, including every EB. Notably, Goldman is absent. Typically very, very Rich. This guy is very much style over substance. He can finesse his way into anything. You're grateful that he isn't trying to sell you a car. Very, very wealthy. Will 100% be a future politician.
Chad
Actually a god. Unbelievably good looking. Does a Varsity sport and is usually 10 feet tall. Makes you question your own sexuality.
The Person who Deserves it
Very, very hard worker. Matured a lot throughout the years of trying to break into banking and finally did it. Usually a great friend, extremely personable and super fun at parties. Feels very genuine. Extremely good technical questions. Will never break into Top 3 however. You and him will get along very well.
The list goes on but these are some of the more relatable ones I feel. You have the WSO hardo who thinks technical questions alone will get you in etc and is extremely elitist, but you should know about those by now.
The User - I think this one is seen often in non-targets + semi-targets. Likes to hang out only with people that have good internships and are likely to do great things. Will not talk or spend too much time with you unless you get a prestigious internship. Afterwards, this person will make it their best effort to be your "buddy".
The Finance Guy - Is obsessed with finance and interviews for banking,consulting, etc. Will bring up finance at all times. Has slicked back hair, clean-shaven, will sometimes wear red pants on a bold day. Likes to buy bottles at LAVO and Marquee with his "bros".
SO FUCKING ACCURATE
The finance guy is also the one who never gets an interview and then suddenly has an epiphany that he doesn't like banking anymore and tells his friends who got IB jobs "man I just wouldn't want to work those hours."
"Yeah man, I just find consulting a lot more interesting. Besides, IB will be automated within a couple of years."
Lol went to a non target - “The User” always ends up at some regional office of a non BB shop
the user acutally get good offers if they girls, and good portion of them are, I know 2 that got Citi and Goldman. they are disgusting doe would never trust them and are from non-target
red pants is dead on. agreed
jesus christ the user. i know a guy EXACTLY like that
those guys are the absolute worst you can never trust them
ahhh, The Person Who Deserves It. Love the “never will be top 3” Hahahah so accurate. Love these guys, and think I’m one myself
haha the guy who says he’s the deserve it guy, usually doesn’t deserves it.
The UBS guy hits different. Sounds a lot like the guy who deserves it imo
is Warwick university considering a target in the Uk?
For undergrad yeah it places extremely well
not as good as Oxbridge/Imperial/LSE but definitely places well.
Yep it’s up there after Oxbridge/LSE/Imperial
SB'd as a very tall white statistics major who discovered IB in second year
Damn, wish I was a Chad
Glad to see Asim Qureshi get mentioned.
Fuck that guy.
+1
What´s the deal with him? Never heard of him, some sort of influencer?
Yeah, some sort of influencer. Supposedly, he used to be a banker.
Don't want to spoil too much - you should look at his LinkedIn. You'll get a laugh out of it.
The UBS guy is usually the one I want to work with. The one that doesn’t give too much of a shit, doesnt use linkedin that much or went to any networking events and is not a hardo/try hard. Just overall smart guy, applied online, had good grades and can actually hold a conversation speaking of something other than finance.
Reminds me of my bro back in Frankfurt. Super thoughtful guy, very put together and hard-working, no rockstar or try-hard, we just had a great time being simply two guys in a foreign city where we knew nobody, shooting the shit with each other. Kinda miss him.
Mr Doesn't Understand
The guy who will interview for or call up people in the BO and MO at BB banks to profess his love for IB. Pissing them off in the process.
Why do you want to work in IB?
“I love the client interaction that comes with the job. I know it will be truly an engaging experience to work along side executives. I’ve always found myself a social person.”
Lmao Brits are something else bro y'all make me crack up
There’s a song in Camelot about this, I think...
lol, you guys are just finishing up puberty
The Gold-digger
Typically upper middle class, insecure about their social standing and above all else want a high paying job. Will attend every MC, F500 and IB networking event and apply for everything. No genuine passion/interest in finance, just after $$$ and this is obvious to interviewers at the 1/2 firms that invited them to first round.
Will end up in Big 4 consulting at best or a regional accounting firm.
seems some people just go into these careers to find a spouse
As a UK student, this all 100% accurate lmao
Came in ready to roast you on having too much free time, turned out to be the funniest most accurate thing I've read on this site.
This is sensational content OP
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