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Just spin that shit out already, wasting everyone’s time and money

 

Great data, I bet Wells looks crazy too. Just a crazy consolidation of the industry sucking the air out of mediocre platforms like UBS

 

Wouldn’t it be more appropriate to look at Q1-

Actually nevermind it’s not worth it

 

The banker in you wants to find the one quarter that could reverse that narrative. Good luck!

 

The only worth thing than a 100 hr week working on a deal… is a 100 hr week working on a fake bake-off your bank wasn’t invited to that seniors are doing for vanity purposes 

 

Back to Back failed rebuilds orchestrated the first time by Karofsky (now on short list for CEO) and Marco (now Global Banking head)

 

how do you stay as global banking head when the results are this bad? 

 
[Comment removed by mod team]
 

UBS said they had a goal of getting to #6. As stated they will more likely be #26.

Wells Fargo is destined to be #6 in the medium term (asset cap lifted, massive hiring of actual quality bankers) once they pass Barclays. UBS has no chance of being in the top 10 in Americas M&A ever again. CS Merger and Barclays hires both a huge negative ROI at least within GB.

UBS would be forced to shut down GB at this point if it was standalone. Their losses get subsidized by Wealth Management and Markets.

UBS GB standalone would bankrupt itself so no way it gets acquired. It just dies a slow death.

 

Also these are global IB numbers right? Wouldn’t the Americas be even worse?

 

That is correct Sir. They don’t release them but I’d bet they had about ~$50M this quarter

 

guys this is not good - my theory is working 5 days a week in office makes advisory revenue go down. 

Think about it. Q1’25 and Q4’25 were higher. that’s because analysts were working from home on Fridays. 

Q1’26 was the first partial quarter analysts had to be in office 5 days a week, so revenue is down. In Q2’26, it will be the first full quarter showing the impact of analysts working in office on Fridays - so it won’t be pretty. 

And you’re a senior reading this, S my D 

 

Imagine sucking at your job and being a net negative… but getting paid enough to buy a $5M westchester house. 

Meanwhile, analysts are expected to work 100 hour weeks and destroy their health, while simultaneously not getting paid enough to afford a studio apartment 

 

If you land deals as an MD, congrats you are doing well in bringing in deals.

If you don’t land deals as an MD, wow my team sucks I can’t even get the footnotes right! With such little support, and lack of their detailed insightful analysis, I can never source a deal!

 

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