Vent Your Biggest Work Pet Peeves

By far something I've hated for my whole life. People who verbalize their sneezes, the people who verbalize "aahhh chooo" in a sneeze. There's something about it that makes me feel like the person does it merely to gain attention. These suckers are always the loudest sneezers too.

Idk why but it kind of annoys me when a fellow analyst/associate dips out early on a night when the MDs are traveling and says he/she has something they have to run for. Like bruh, I'm not the one deciding your bonus, just say you're getting tf out of here because it's 6PM and you can for once. 

- "Let's run a scenario for "XYZ", don't work too hard on it but I want it on my desk by tomorrow morning, I want to show the Client that we care. I will not CC you on the email, because I have a personal relationship"

- "Can you run me the set of potential buyers, nothing fancy, I just want to make sure we cover every basis, don't work too hard on it, but I want it on my desk by tomorrow morning, I want several pages to send to the Client to show we are on top of everything and we are a lead bank"

- "Can you please print this PDF?, I don't know how to print myself"

- "I talked to the client, and he mentioned XYZ, can you please retrieve this info for me. Don't spin your wheels, but I'd like a full page deck to send to the client for tomorrow morning. I will CC you to show that you are a valuable member of the bank"

• Wild fucking goose chases to seek out information that simply doesn't exist
  • "Hey let's add some charts on Page 5 that show positive trending data" for a product/service/geographic market where all available data demonstrates a negative trend
  • "Do some digging and see if you can find the specifics of this deal" for a private transaction where pricing and deal terms weren't disclosed
  • "See if you can find a POC for the highlighted investor groups" when someone else has already failed to find any information on the group, which we have no relationship and probably wont even contact anyway
• MDs who are illiterate in Excel and break all the etiquette codes of deal organization that they constantly remind everyone of
  • Manually editing models themselves and hard-coding shit in random places then saving over the current version of the model instead of saving as a new version
  • Reaching out to clients on a separate email chain to request something, not uploading it to the data room when received, then asking an Analyst/Associate to track it down for them
  • Scheduling meetings themselves but not including a dial-in, then reminding me of the importance to always include a dial-in when I schedule meetings with clients as though I was the one who messed up
• Receiving no mention for your work on something that you did well for a superior, yet being assigned 100% accountability when your superior makes a mistake on something they did themselves

• Everyone from associate to MD not including me on ANY emails then forwarding a specific thread when there is a task or pages they need with zero context

• MDs taking my work and pitching companies to sponsors and I hear about it on the group call (the headsup I get is: “remove the private data, convert this into PDF, and send back”)

• MD from another group talks to a client in his car, noone else is on the call and they take zero notes. MDs who actually cover the client and everyone below them spend the next month trying to piece what the client wants because noone knows

• First year analysts telling me: “ I am really busy until end of day today” when all I ask is that they correct their own fucking formatting

• VPs not reviewing the model that I did overnight, has no idea what the assumptions are (although I sent hundred emails in detail). We get fucked on the call with 2-3 MDs ripping the model apart so the vp throws me under the bus

• I schedule a call for 6 MDs to talk about a client and after everyone gets on the call, we realize we don’t have enough info or nothing to talk about and reconvene again next week

• Sloppy model etiquette in general. I hate taking over a model and finding people (mostly associates) too lazy to format it properly or delete the updates and screenshots dating back to 2018. Hardcodes everywhere with zero comments

• People who have nothing else but to fucking chase you all day because they want to log off by 8pm with zero fucks about accuracy

people that say "look" before talking sound like megalomaniacs to me who think their opinion matters more than it does

anyone who begins a sentence with "so"

anyone who says soup to nuts. first of all, no one starts with soup and ends with nuts. nuts are what you snack on when you're pregaming, not soup. expression makes no sense and is stupid as fuck

ditto for circle the wagons, at the end of the day, when its all said and done, and other wordy corporatespeak that does nothing but add word count to your bit on a conference call that could've been an email

anyone who reads powerpoint slides during a call. we're adults, send us the deck and then emphasize the highlights and new info during the call. or just have visuals plus bulletpoints and explain verbally, I know how to read.

phone calls that could've been an IM/email

emails/IMs that should be phone calls

zoom calls that should be phone calls

not knowing how to use zoom after 15 months of using zoom

too much cologne/perfume in the office

people who treat their keyboard letters like their ex spouse

no knock pop-ins

loud laughers

people who chit chat on group con calls because they have no social outlet. if you want to talk to Jeff, fucking call Jeff, the other 6 of us don't need to hear about how you shot a 95 and it was hot this past weekend

anyone who seriously believes they know how to forecast

talking to me about stocks that neither of us own/are investigating but just happen to be all over CNBC

older dudes speaking to me about females in the office when both of us are married and 3 of the usual female suspects are on my team

anytime someone wants to "run something by me" but really just wants to try to convince me of their shitty idea. you don't want my opinion, you want confirmation, fuck off

Analysts who try to be over professional and talk like they’re in an interview 24/7, and lack any personality in their tone