What do you tell people you work as?

"Elite boutique retail bank teller"

Anything other than simply "banking" makes you sound like a complete tool. Can elaborate if the asker sounds genuinely interested

Depends on where I am and who it is..

Most people/not industry: I buy, sell and grow eCommerce companies.

Industry: I own a small private equity firm with a focus on DNVBs and eCommerce that does everything from distressed buyouts to growth/venture.

If you're in investment banking and trying to explain what you do to like...your gf's mom with room temp IQ then I think it's easier to tell people that you help companies raise capital, sell themselves or buy other companies. It doesn't come across as pretentious that way and sounds straightforward. Can't really expect anyone to know what an investment banker is.

There’s a certain subset of the population (think the people who come to the family reunion) where I just say “it’s like shark tank”. Otherwise, “finance”, “investments”, etc works fine unless I’m specifically trying to network.

For IBD M&A, people usually get it if you say "I'm like a real estate agent except instead of houses, we help buy/sell entire companies. Ever seen that graphic where a few corporations rule every mainstream brand? Yeah it's because of us." That usually sparks interesting convo

I tell them I am doing God's work.

"I professionally suck dick for money."