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Career Resources
"Elite boutique retail bank teller"
"bulge bracket customer service relations banker"
Anything other than simply "banking" makes you sound like a complete tool. Can elaborate if the asker sounds genuinely interested
I swear! That's why I posted this. I feel like such a pretentious knob when I answered "Investment banking analyst". I'm going to stick to just saying "banking"
I just say I work in finance
Thank you, Ryan Howard
My favorite scene in the series. sb
Also a scene in Billions where Bobby is mocking the younger version of himself when he met a girl (his future wife). And he says "I work in finance" sounding as awkward and mouthbreather-like as possible.
Banking sounds more like an actual job, finance is weird to me because everyone else says their job not their industry. A teacher says she's a teacher, not "I work in education."
Same here. If they ask, then I'll elaborate, otherwise most people don't understand or care about the differences between IB / PE / VC / HF / AM / etc. anyways.
That's very true I don't see it going more in depth than that. They'll probably lose interest as soon as you say in finance haha
Exactly this. I tell my outside family members I work in banking and they still think in terms of retail banking like in the commercials or movies.
I think people are just overly eager to tell people what they do, how much money they make, number of cock inches.
My go to response as well. Most people don't even know what IB actually is anyway, best to keep it simple. Banker = financial crisis = you're the devil.
I'm into... well, murders and executions mostly.
Edit: Oh, i get it now
I dont
He's an importer exporter
well he certainly couldn't be just an importer
“I work in finance” or “I work at a bank”
One time i said i work for a bank, the guy tried to convince me to serve with him at a restaurant because it pays more then being a bank teller
I told him im happy being a bank teller since one day i want to move up the ladder
Oh yeah I know that life — I interned at a cable company and I just got so tired of telling people “oh no, I work at corporate I don’t work at the call center / I’m not a technician” I started letting people believe whatever they wanted
Edit: also, telling people you work at a cable company 90% of the time got me an angry response about their bill being too high / bad customer service / some random problem they had and I just started saying “sorry, that’s not my department”
Fuck IB I think the potential upward mobility as a teller is where the real players make it big
Depends on where I am and who it is..
Most people/not industry: I buy, sell and grow eCommerce companies.
Industry: I own a small private equity firm with a focus on DNVBs and eCommerce that does everything from distressed buyouts to growth/venture.
If you're in investment banking and trying to explain what you do to like...your gf's mom with room temp IQ then I think it's easier to tell people that you help companies raise capital, sell themselves or buy other companies. It doesn't come across as pretentious that way and sounds straightforward. Can't really expect anyone to know what an investment banker is.
Honestly saying investment banker will confuse people since they think investments. Mergers and acquisitions is pretty direct and doesn't come across as pretentious. 'I do corporate mergers and acquisitions' I think I've said to someone before and they understood
They probably thought you said Murders and Executions and just did not want to probe any further
That's been my experience, anytime I have said investment banker people always start asking asking about investments and stock tips![]()
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Could just use analogies..
fundraiser for companies instead of charities
realtor for companies instead of houses
house flipper for companies instead of houses etc
There’s a certain subset of the population (think the people who come to the family reunion) where I just say “it’s like shark tank”. Otherwise, “finance”, “investments”, etc works fine unless I’m specifically trying to network.
Yeah, I was looking for a way to say it to my FOB the boat uncle or when I go on dates. I'd say the best way is "i work in finance" and if they want more detail tell them how I work in murders and executions
FOB the boat lol
I usually say investment banking. I had to say construction for a while and got a lot of slow nods w/ grimaces, sometimes accompanied by an "mmm, yeah, that's tough" that I'm comfortable saying that I have a good job. I even had one guy, a former high school teacher, say "yeah, that's the best that some ppl can do." Meanwhile, he's still teaching 10th grade English. If ppl ask me to explain what I do, I just say that investment bankers are like investment advisers to companies.
You should go sell his school to show him who's the real boss now
Na. Knowing more about grammar than 15 year olds is the best that some ppl can do, and there's nothing wrong w/ that.
"I throw money at startups. Think of Shark Tank without the TV show"
Finance. It's the equivalent of saying "I work in medicine". If people know or care then you can tell what job role in what specialty, but 99% of the time you really don't care....and 99% of the time people don't care or know what different jobs in finance there are.
I feel as if in most cases for people that don't work in finance only know of one area, financial advisory.
Similar to how average Joe types tend to assume all doctors are doing checkups in the local clinic and all lawyers are in the courtroom. That’s what they see on TV and in their lives so it’s the only frame of reference they have. It’s not worth the effort to try to force them to understand the nuances of your particular position.
Investment fund. Says more than banking since most people assume a bank teller job
That's the only issue I'd have with saying banking. I one got "Oh like at Chase?', so investment fund sounds ideal or just saying finance
For IBD M&A, people usually get it if you say "I'm like a real estate agent except instead of houses, we help buy/sell entire companies. Ever seen that graphic where a few corporations rule every mainstream brand? Yeah it's because of us." That usually sparks interesting convo
exactly
I used to just say that I work in trading .. But I stopped that for 2 reasons .. First, it would often illicit follow up questions where people asked me to analyze their Fidelity account, get my thoughts on some penny stock, or if I thought their guy at Edward Jones was bum.
The second reason was because some branches of the extended family, in the wake of the 2008 financial crisis, would get downright hostile with me.... It was "guys like me" who were keeping the working man from getting ahead.
Now I just say finance.
Then you have the people who think that means youre a basement day trader who watches those stock channels
At first I would say “I work in banking” or “I work in finance”, which would lead to follow up questions like “What do you think of mutual funds vs ETFs? Do you think I should buy gold? What will the Fed do?”
Now I just say “I work at a bank.” People assume I’m a bank teller. No follow up questions ever.
I trade/I’m a trader, people seem to get it.
"Analyst at a bank downtown" is my typical answer. Usually suffices, since analyst indicates I'm not a teller and people typically won't ask me more. "Finance" is also good.
"I'm an Investment Banking associate at a bulge bracket bank." simultaneously making Johnny Manziel money sign with hands
-Me after MBA takes me out of wretched back office
I tell them I am doing God's work.
Can I get a HALLELUJAH BROTHER AMEN?
I'll normally say "finance". I try not to elaborate unless the person is genuinely interested - you never know how some individuals will react and some seem to have a deep hatred/ get triggered by those anywhere near "finance"...
Situations like this can happen - talking with a girl I met at a mutual friends place while working in consulting.
Asks me what I do and we have the following exchange...
Me: I'm a management consultant
Her: what kind of "consulting" to you do?
Me: I help asset managers, insurers, banks make strategic decisions, enter new markets, blah x3. (i guess she just hears "finance")
Her: LOL seriously? you work with "those" people. that's unreal.
Me: not sure what you mean? yes, exec at those companies are my clients
Her: they're immoral charlatans. Do you think it's cool that those finance guys exploit poor people and minorities? is that the "strategy" you to make for them?
Me: a lot of my colleagues come from that industry as well - I actually find the people to be great and I think the work is really interesting.
Her: that's funny. whatever helps you sleep at night.
Me: ... (awkward look at her, shoot a glance at a friend who gives me the raised eyebrows, "she's nuts", kind of look, walk away to get another beer/eject from the convo.)
Bet she majored in women studies with a minor in anthropology
Will be adding "immoral charlatans" to my repertoire going forward, great post
"I professionally suck dick for money."
Usually start with commercial real estate. If they push further say the financing side of it. Find most people judge if you start with finance or banking
Fuck the people that judge. They ain’t worth of your presence anyways
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