What I am Doing? Advice Needed
Sorry for posting in IB - it is tangentially related to the IB experienced and did not want to nuke my account by not posting anon.
I am currently interning at a great group and a great firm. Out of the office by 10 each night. People are very nice. Analysts take us out to get drinks. Plus I am only 2-3 weeks on the job.
But I fucking hate my life. And I have no idea if it is the job or not.
(slight mask off moment so I am sorry for oversharing)
I cannot connect with people (total loss of care and interest about all people). I hate being awake and cannot wait to sleep, not being I am tired but just to avoid the stimulus of life. I keep on having thoughts on ending it (maybe 30 minutes daydreaming about it each day). I am gaining weight like a fat fuck (8 pounds so at 6 foot 0 inches and @195 pounds with a gut and no muscle). The speed at which I think is getting slower and less focused. My two hobbies I have lost all interest in - but they are pretty shit hobbies (comics and working out). Time seems to be moving really slowly and I just wish I could speed this up. Losing my connection with God - praying is getting harder and I feel less and less like I am really speaking my heart to him. I don't really taste food anymore - haha, prob just allergies though. No sex drive - person wanted to sleep with me and I could even get it up because of lack of interest. I don't really have a purpose or major goal I am working towards - was getting an IB offer, but not doing GMAT or CFA like some of my peers.
Most of this is new in the past month, since ending school. No stress in my life really. Even the IB internship is not to stressful. Honestly it gives me something to do.
Next summer I wonder if it will be differ since then I will have the goal of getting a return offer (currently a sophomore with SA23 offer). Maybe a goal is my issue? I don't really know how much of this is normal or abnormal so I would really like peoples input. I only have 3 friends and don't talk about this stuff with them. Not really a part of any other communities online, so thought I would post here.
Any advice on how to shift my mindset to move past this?
Yeah man it just sounds like you’re straight up depressed. Take some time to see a therapist/psychiatrist ASAP.
Usually would think it might be induced by the job/burnout but seems like this couldddd be (not a doctor so not diagnosing you) just internal. Chemical Depression is a real issue and nothing to be ashamed about…would seek professional advice/diagnosis and follow their advice.
Good luck mate. Keep fighting. Fuck a job or internships, just make sure you stay fighting. Suicide is never the answer
Hey man, I had a very similar experience a couple years ago when I started college. I had no idea what was going on, but I felt the exact same symptoms you were experiencing despite there being no identifiable “stress-factor” to point to. Not sure exactly what advice I have for you, but I will say that you need to stay strong and, if it gets too serious, seek professional help. I really don’t think your internship is causing this, but perhaps there could be something about being entrenched in a new environment that plays into feelings of depression culminating.
Bump. I appreciate all of your responses. It's a bit more concerning now that I think it is not due to a stressor. If it was, the solution would be clear (I.E. remove the stressor), but in this case the resolution is unclear.
Hey man, how you holding up?
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