How Adderall ruined my career in finance
I always knew I was a genius, and my nosebleed test scores, flawless transcript, and hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of scholarships in high school seemed to support this delusion.
When I went to University (one of the world's most prestigious), I was introduced to Adderall IR and felt immortal. After commanding the praise from and attention of the entire Social Studies department with my (what I thought were) Pulitzer-level masterpieces, it felt not very unlike a juiced NFL player would after winning a Super Bowl ring-undeserved. I ended up switching to Engineering as a way to prove to myself that my willpower alone could trump any obstacle; drugs were superfluous and better left to my inferiors (which is to say, as I was wont to think, 99.8% of the world's population).
I vowed to never ingest a single illicit (or illicitly-acquired) substance again, of course. Two years went by after taking the "Limitless" pill, and my GPA cratered. Engineering meant academics were no longer a walk-in-the-park like high school was. The fact was-my ADHD never even had an opportunity to surface because of how easy my high school curriculum was structured. I was getting straight C's semester after semester and I was desperate to reclaim my throne of academic super-stardom I felt my pedigree and upbringing warranted.
I went to a local psychiatrist, who produced a prescription pad in literally 4 minutes. My miracle pills were back, and my GPA shot back up, even managing to snag a few A+'s! I felt like I was Einstein reincarnate! In fact, the high these amphetamines conferred onto me resulted in me doing so well in university recruiting, that when corporations came around, I beat tens of thousands of ferociously-competitive applicants in securing an SA offer. I would take 100mg of Adderall XR in the morning and clock an average of 20 hours of pure work that day. My MDs and VPs loved me, and the other SAs were continually frustrated, floored, and generally envious of my miraculous ability to out-muscle them intellectually and physically day-in and day-out. I was notorious for staying up two or three nights in a row without a wink of sleep, and even the security guards that checked my ID would be in a catatonic awe of my regular habit of leaving the office at 5am and returning at 5:30am, having only went to my apartment to change out of my suits (which were drenched with sweat because of the drugs). Of course, on Saturdays and Sundays, I slept 19 straight hours. Towards the end of the internship, I began showing up late, because on the third straight day of absolutely no-sleep, my body would shut down at 6am while I would be changing to return to the office, and I would wake up at noon praying like a sinner that some catastrophe would materialize in-transit to distract Management from my unfathomable tardiness. Because of my incredibly sterling reputation (built upon a foundation of Adderall) that I killed myself over the past few months to erect, my superiors forgave me and I felt like what I assume Heroin feels like.
Unfortunately, this happened two or three more times, and I went from the top intern globally (that is, out of the entire company, because even the CEO and other Executives knew about my reputation, apparently) to the office scourge. I was no longer asked to spearhead projects and trust between me and everyone evaporated. Because we work with the world's most important people, my superiors thought that being just smart but also punctual was far more attractive and much preferred over the sheer intellectual horsepower I blessed the investment bank with. I was not offered to return following graduation. It was the most humiliating experience of my life. I wish I never took Adderall my freshmen year. That way, I would've never been able to secure this investment banking internship only to experience the harrowing, flesh-singing sting of denial to this golden ticket to fame and fortune.
Now, I am trying to get my recently-prescribed regiment of modafinil to prevent any further professional disasters, but I found this medication largely superfluous as I moved back in with my parents following graduation and am gradually turning into Jabba the Hut. My dreams of gracing the cover of Forbes evaporated when I couldn't even get another job with an even worse investment bank (or anywhere!), so now my only goal is to serendipitously stumble-upon a neglected vial of morphine to accidentally euthanize myself.