No path

hey friend, so sorry to hear - i was in a similar boat as yours in 08. my advice is to KEEP PUSHING AND NEVER GIVE UP!!!

i grew up quite poor, with scarce resources and opportunity - with most of my childhood and high school friends either going down a dark road in life or dead, unloved and forgotten.

after grinding for many years in awful public schools, i was very fortunate that a target school took a chance on me and gave a full ride, where an alum from a similar upbringing was generous enough to hook me up with an lmm pe buyside gig sophomore year and help me land an eb ibd gig junior year in a top group. 

i will admit that i was definitely not ready for the eb my junior year, was likely the worst intern in the firm's history (probably still am), and, not surprisingly, i did not get a return offer, in addition to graduating into 08, with no job and my family unable to take care of me.

i was jobless for more than a year, working a series of odd jobs, from call center to tutoring, and wandered across multiple LCOL cities, before an lmm ibd took a chance on me.

the lmm ibd i worked at was a complete no-name in a lower tier city and management was both hostile and toxic. the founder was notorious in his industry for being hard to work with, and i worked on so many materials of deals that never came to be. coming from my internship experiences, target school, and dysfunctional upbringing, i felt like i was flying so high up in the sky and then fell down to earth to work with a bunch of miserable peasants. regardless, i put my head down, did my part not to rock the boat and do exactly what they told me without question, which allowed me to go unnoticed, before, after a long and grueling process of multiple months, i was offered a better spot with an eb lateral position.

from the eb, i made it to mf pe, and then to a sm hf. 

while the eb, mf pe, and sm hf were all worlds apart better than the lmm ibd, all of them shared the common factors of grueling levels of work, toxic and hostile co-workers and managers, as well as failed deals.

in retrospect, my experiences allowed me to develop myself to the point where i was able to succeed at better firms, while also balancing that with providing for my family and enjoying all the little things in life.

above all else, i was very fortunate to have experienced failure while i was a junior in college and as a fresh graduate in 08 because it made me understand the industry and office politics better.

hear me out: it is SO MUCH BETTER to fail early on than later, especially down the road when you have a family and people who depend on you.

yes, my post-grad year working odd jobs while continuing to interview was mentally exhausting and soul crushing, but it was also a fun adventure and im glad i did it.

bottom line, i am beyond grateful to the universe get back into a career that has been the greatest learning experience for me and one that allowed me to break the cycle of intergenerational poverty that has run deep in my family for so long.

im also very fortunate that my kids will never have to experience the struggle that i grew up with.

there is no success without failure, so my advice is to NEVER GIVE UP!!!

invest in all sorts of modeling courses, read lots and lots of books, network aggressively, delay your gratifications, and take a refreshing nap or relaxing nature walk when the tough times get too suffocating to breathe, but NEVER GIVE UP!!! because your future self will thank you for it.

play the long game and do things today that your future self will thank you for, always.

may investor's fortune smile on your efforts and life!!