Non-Target: Not getting responses from alumni/cold email - please help

I wouldn't reply to an email like this because it looks like you need too much coaching. This is poor writing, adherence to a business formal format is recommended.

• Run this through a gen-AI platform and ask it to correct your grammar.
• You never know how your email will be perceived. Everything in parenthesis is unnecessary.
• Remove the reference to "first-generation", it is fine to discuss but don't make it the focus of your personality in an introduction.
• Try to mention something interesting about the recipient