PE Cold Emailing
>>>NEW version can be found in the comments
Hi,
below you will find my PE cold emailing draft. How do you monkeys like the approach? >>sorry I am not a native speaker
Thanks
Dear Sir or Madam,
I would like to express my interest for a Summer 2013 Interhship position at xxxx.
I have completed an Internship in the field of M&A as well as consulting and have started an Internship with Deutsche Bank in January. Currently, I am enrolled at the undergraduate finance program at the xxxx.
The area of PE combines both my passions; it is a mix of entrepreneurialism coupled with finance.
As to my entrepreneurial background, for Pocket money I used to run a small business buying, developing, and selling websites; in a starched sense “micro PE” with websites. And am currently working on a service which analyzing online sentiment in regards to a consumer oriented company as well as its product and maps it to the stock price movements.
I am looking to hit the ground running and learn more about the private equity industry. I have attached my Resume for your review and look forward to hearing from you.
Thanks for you time and consideration,
xxxxxx
less about you more about what you offer to them... keep in mind most PE funds won't need your help and you're going to run into a whole bunch of sketchy places.
and you come off pretty sleazy saying you've done M&A/consulting somewhere and then specifically mention DB later... Catch phrases are important but your eagerness to please and hard sell is too obvious.
thanks for your response!
So just say S&T at major German bank?
Is this for a position in the U.S.? Or are you translating a letter you plan on sending to a non-English speaker for us to review? If the former, no need to apologize...you just won't get a job. In PE you actually need to be able to communicate effectively as an analyst. Sorry but that's how it is.
Aside from that I don't think your email is very good. You don't try to establish any kind of connection with your addressee or come off as sincere. You just sound like a finance robot.
Why should they hire you for a position they don't have? You need to be a lot more genuine and compelling, without being long-winded. It's not an easy combination, I admit.
Well its for Europe (inc. UK) but this was just a draft the new version can be found below
I thought the email was somewhat personal but as I dont know anything about the people I am sending it to its quite difficult to establish a personal connection with them
Sorry but I have no idea how I would do this... Thanks a lot
NEW VERSION:
Dear Sir or Madam,
You must be getting a lot of Cold Emails - but I hope this one is different and you may want to read it to the end. not sure about this part!
I would like to express my interest in an internship at xxxx for the summer of 2013.
I have completed an internship in the fields of M&A and consulting. I will be beginning an internship with Deutsche Bank this January. Currently, I am enrolled in the undergraduate finance program at the xxxxx.
The area of PE combines both my passions, as it is a mix of entrepreneurialism coupled with finance.
Regarding my entrepreneurial background, I previously ran a small business buying, developing, and selling websites. In a stretched sense, this is an example of “micro-PE” within the domain of websites. Currently, I am working on an entrepreneurial project to evaluate social media sentiments and compare them to stock price changes.
Through my past experience, I sharpening my leadership ability as well as gained valuable analytical, modeling, and finance skills.
I am looking to hit the ground running to learn more about the private equity industry. I have attached my resume for your review, and I look forward to hearing from you.
Thank you for your time and consideration,
xxxxxx
Good luck!
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