Taking care of parents in finance

Wso I need your help. Quick background I come from low income/immigrant background who will start in IB as a first year in a few months will graduate from a T100 undergrad. Really excited about it and have been blessed to be at a strong bank, life changing as well. I will live with my parents and support them financially until I get married. My parents need me as they and myself are immigrants but they are legit dumb lol. My dad has been providing for us for almost 10 years ever since we came to the city making like 40k a year and he will retire in like 5 years, no pension etc and only 80k in savings lol. So at a certain point I realized my parents will be fully dependent on me financially lmao shit is stressful but it is what it is, so I guess I can't leave high finance anytime soon if I want to build wealth, support myself, my current family and future (being the oldest is shit). I would like to retire my parents in the future and would love to live a decent life so I was wondering what's the best career path for me,(2IB, 2PE, MBA at m7?) what are some career mistakes I should avoid. My costs are low but I do want to not restrict myself financially as I'm tired of living in a poor situation

 

If you want to maximize your career earnings I would skip the MBA at all costs unless it is sponsored, and even then I’d advise against it. It is true that in the span of a long 30+ year career 2 years of negative personal income is not a huge deal. On the other hand, you will already be stretched financially and those 2 years could cost you over $1mm when factoring opportunity cost. This has been discussed before so I won’t dive into more details, but personally I view an MBA as more of a luxury for those wanting some down time to reflect or for those who want to break into the industry.

The bright side is if you stay in either IB or PE I’m positive you’ll be able to support your family and still build a sizable net worth for yourself. Good luck on your journey.

 

Appreciate it, I’m considering MBA to boost my personal profile only if I get into M7s, I come from no connections and non target but fortunately made it in IB. I also believe that some PE firms require MBA after two years so that would be another reason. I was wondering if I can PM you seeing that you are in PE for some guidance on recruiting if it’s okay.

 

Agree with above poster. Definitely avoid MBA. Very few firms require it to move up these days, and once you have your spot in PE they don't care that you went to a non-target. MBA is $200k plus missing 2 years of income, really poor financial decision if you're supporting your family too. Most people use it as a break/party time, it's not really required like it used to be. Just tell HHs you want a firm that promotes its associates and you're all set.

Recruit for PE (again, aiming for a firm that promotes or offers a career path seat) and try and stick in that career. 

 

M7s aren’t anything special anymore either - skip the mba. Wharton has a fully online mba now, it’s trending towards worthless and for someone in finance it is close to worthless. 

 

Feel free to PM me. Lots of MS on my comment likely from those who went to business school or don’t understand the struggle of your unique situation. This is a great time to point out that although this forum holds a wealth of info from users, everyone approaches situations like these from a perspective that could (and likely does) differ from yours.

 
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Truly think you are going about this the wrong way, this is like a low round first round pick of the nba draft having to pay for everyone day 1.

You will not have the chance to “retire your parents” till 10 years into your career. So worrying about this today makes no sense. Living with your parents to save costs early, makes little sense, forcing your lifestyle around them this early on again no sense. You should aim to give them 5-10% of your first 2 bonuses and that is it or so.

From there your focus should be on becoming debt free, living near the office/comfortable absolutely crushing it to be the best analyst you can be. You want as many doors open to you, and a good path to PE/career banking at high paying firms. 
Think of it this way; when you hit 30 you want to be in a position to be able to create passive income for your family. Either through investment/real-assets/businesses saving 5k today aint going to get you there. Crushing to get to a high paying potential future role is the focus.

 

First question is, why is your father/parents retiring if they don't have the money to do it? As they say, retirement isn't an age its an amount, you can't retire at 65 just because you're 65 if you can't support yourself (maybe they will live off social security)?

Second, its pretty hard to retire/support your parents. Most people who crush it at work usually have more of a stress free life that allows them to focus solely on work, hence crushing it. Unless you're in a situation making high 6 figures or millions out the gate, don't pay attention to what others are doing. That doesn't mean ignore  your parents, just kind of hard to live what people think is a "luxury life" and support your parents on like $200k. 

Third, this set up might force you to stay in a high paying role that you hate, which in some ways can be golden handcuffs. Also, don't get caught up, some people see "banker" and they immediately think you make $10M out the gate, and everyone comes calling for $10k from you. That's how a lot of people who make money in high paying jobs go broke, everyone they know wants a piece. 

Job wise, I don't want to say it doesn't matter particularly, I know bankers who make more than people who do taxes, and I know people who do taxes who make more than bankers. If there was one particular job that afforded everyone a 100% guarantee to live in luxury and take care of their parents people would do it. If that's your plan, figure out how much you would need to live and how much you want to give to your parents, then find jobs that pay that. 

 

The issue is that I'm the oldest and "it is my job as the oldest son to take care of them because they came here to the United States and sacrificed their life for me" if I don't do that I'll be seen as some evil bad son, they will get social security in like 5 years that's all. They will have to work and will probably continue to to do (instead of 6 days a week making 18 and hour probably 4 days a week) they barely make anything lol, so since I will make the most they will look upon me to pay majority of the rent or something, they havent picked a state, they will probably be near me as they have been so dependent on me, my parents are very traditional and cultural, as of now me and my Parents will move together to a better neighborhood 20-30min from the office not in the city but other borough, I’ll pay like 2.2 with my 110k base and they can take care of the rest 1k. Either way they will file for social security in nyc, the worst that can happen in the future is they will move back to a worse neighborhood/my current one in few years where rent is like 2k at most and I can live on my own etc

 

tell your parents to stop being lazy, why retire if they can’t even afford it.

 

Thank you, they necessarily aren't formally retiring but will collect social security in like 5 years. As the oldest son and traditional immigrant they have the expectation that i should be taking care of them at some point, and my parents want to stop working as they are getting old lol which I don't think is a good idea, they think my base and bonus is a lot and yea it is we haven't seen these kind of numbers but it really isn't after after taxes in nyc to me.

 

The MBA isn't nearly as bad a decision as some here suggest. You come from a T100 and have done exceptionally well - but that T100 branding will stick with you for life. An M7 adds credibility to your profile. Is it worth shelling out $200k for "credibility?" No. But it isn't $200k. This fails to consider scholarships (which averages around $40k), TA positions, substantial signing bonuses at the tail end (sometimes as high as $50k), pre-MBA internships, summer internships, etc. The calculus could very much work out. Some industries still very much value the MBA - my firm (a large LO) is full of them (probably over 50% in research). It isn't all black and white.

 

This would be true if it his parents weren't a factor. 2 years of an MBA (assuming done during the traditional 2+2+2) means he not only stops making money, but has to pay significant amounts for his education right as his parents are planning on retiring.

 

First off your username says it all, you going to need therapy very soon.
Sorry to be real with you, but same way people on here say grow a pair and stop trying to date coworkers. You need really need to grow a pair, maybe get therapy asap and prepare to tell your parents to eff off. Or you will setup yourself for failure, I have seen it many many times before.

Anyon who says “ohh its the culture” yah whatever. Then we wonder why MFs are full of privileged kids from good schools.

I come from that culture, my parents direct help monthly, I pay for all trips, meals when we travel. I give random additional assistance so they can go a trip. I helped buy their homes, I helped my sister get her masters.

But when I made 150k, was fighting barely to survive I told them many times to eff off and broke dreams (extended family as well). They had to get used to it. But you need your sanity first. 

 

stop blaming your culture and start growing up. grow a pair jesus christ

 

I see you keep talking about culture of your immigrant family.

My dad came here with nothing. Then his siblings came, as did his parents. His parents live with his brother, and my dad finances them. New car. New dishwasher. New water heater. If they need something, my dad pays for it.

My aunt married a fellow immigrant. My uncle (dad’s brother-in-law) came to America with nothing. He is now a multi-millionaire.

The way you describe your parents makes them sound selfish. I am not the oldest in my family, but I’m the most “well-off”. Siblings chose lower paying careers. My parents helped my oldest sibling buy a house, and just a few years later, sibling wants to move so they’re helping with another house.

Do not feel like you must sacrifice your life to help your parents retire. Yes, they raised you, but THAT IS A PARENT’S JOB. My parents, for as much shit as they give me, don’t expect anything in return. They still ask if I need money when they see me even though I probably have more than they do.

Immigrant culture can be bullshit, but so can American culture. I’d never be able to ship my parents off to a retirement home when they get old. Americans seem to be able to do that with no remorse or reprehension.

I lived at home after graduating college to save money. Parents paid for everything but my car (which they bought and I paid off) and gas. After a year I had around $40k saved up. I moved out and made some good investments and now will never have to rely on them for anything financially.

Being able to be financially independent is a blessing. The best thing you can do is to live your life and help your parents if they need it, but don’t sacrifice your life, especially your 20’s, to support parents who didn’t improve their financial situation.

I know the bootstraps thing has its puts and takes, but my dad did it. My uncle did it. So no excuses for those who failed to do it. Help them if you want.

 

yeah honestly you’re parents are toxic and selfish. cut contact for a while and spend more time on yourself.

 

As someone who started in a similar position, you are thinking about this wrong. If you start supporting them from Day 1, you will not build a base for yourself. Your first priority is to build a net for yourself. I told my parents that I can only start to think about any support for them when my comp crosses 250k and I have gotten myself 500k in savings/investments. I am 2 years out rn and currently at 130k comp (pre-tax) and about 100k in savings/investments. I think I can get there in the next three to four years. 

You will be setting yourself back. Tell them to save as much as they can now and you continue to build your base to eventually be able to support htem. 

 

As many posters above had mentioned, you are approaching this the wrong way.  I learned the hard way on the result, and it is just recently I was able to start building a nest egg.  Do not worry about them.  Unless they are stricken/sick/near poverty, your folks shouldn't retire or pressure you into anything.  Focus on your career first.  This will save you a lot of headaches down the road.  This is the right kind of selfish.

Also - when the health benefits hit - go seek some therapy as well.  This will help you down the long journey ahead.

Best of luck.

 

Yeah not as much of a culture issue here as your parents acting selfish and entitled. My parents are also low-income immigrants but they haven’t asked me for a penny despite knowing how much I make. They understand that my money is mine, if I buy them things it’s out of my own choice and want to give them nice things, not an expectation that I must do it

 

If you’re dead set on this, avoid NYC entirely. The COL is too high to support yourself and your parents comfortably without very poor QOL. Look into cities such as Chicago, Minneapolis, Milwaukee, Cleveland, Houston, etc. 

Array
 

This is not uncommon, you aren’t the only one going through it. You can do it. My advice:

1. Stay in banking, don’t leave for PE or get an MBA. It’s the highest cash comp job where you don’t have to take a break for school. Your value for the first ten years will be tied to your willingness to put your head down and grind. Do it. Having a chip on your shoulder will help you. 
 

2. Don’t give any money to your parents until they retire in 5 years. That will just lead to lifestyle creep on their part. Save your money, build a nest egg for yourself and them. Don’t waste money. Living together for a few years is fine, but don’t do it for too long. 
 

3. In five years when they retire they’ll get about $1,700 per month from social security. If they work longer they’ll get more. That’s $20k per year, so to maintain their lifestyle you’ll need to give them $20k per year. That will be easily doable. They will have Medicare, and once their assets go down to zero they’ll qualify for Medicaid, so virtually no healthcare expenses. If they can move to a LCOL area, even better, but if they’re making due on $40k/yr now it won’t get much cheaper, it’ll just be a better lifestyle. If they live to be very old (80’s/90’s) you’ll want to do everything to avoid them from moving into an assisted living facility which is $100k/yr - better to have them live at home or with you. 
 

4. Marry someone who is kind enough to understand your situation, but comes from at least an upper middle class background and makes at least six figures. Do not get into a situation where you are taking care of 4 poor parents and additional siblings with a wife that doesn’t work or makes terrible money. Culturally your parents are going to push you to marry someone like you. Don’t. Marriage is the most important business decision you’re ever going to make. Marry someone better off than you. 
 

5. Try to get your parents to help you offset costs that you would otherwise pay for. They contribute sweat equity. Doing laundry, cooking dinner, cleaning, walking the dog, babysitting the kids, etc etc. Don’t pay for those things if your parents can do it. This sounds weird to well-off people, but to poor people this is just good old fashioned living and a way to help the kids. 
 

6. Down the road, $20k or $40k per year will be manageable. But don’t overextended yourself financially with a home your can’t afford. 

 

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