30+ years old, what would you different if you were in your 20s again (career, relationships, free time, education, etc.)?
What are your hardest learned lessons?
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I don't really regret anything.
Even though I've had a pretty non-traditional and circuitous path to where I am today, if I went the traditional route I wouldn't have made the relationships and had the experiences I had. Maybe the thing I would change is that I haven't really given a shit about my health until I had a kid.
I guess, as far as advice goes, remember that it's a marathon. If you burn out and your body gives up, it's a long climb back to normal. Otherwise, appreciate where you're at and focus on where you're going. I know it's damn near impossible (I thought it was bullshit when I was a kid too), but try to disengage and view the situation objectively.
I've had one relative die in the last week and another in the ICU for a stroke in his young 40s. All of the watches and deal toys in the world don't help when you're stuck in a hospital bed. If you don't have relationships, you'll be alone in your time of need.
Prioritize the important things, have experiences outside of the office before you have real responsibilities and obligations, and work smart. In a very MBA, bullshit language, "know your why" and make sure you're not sacrificing the "why" because you've been head down on something else.
Not sure if this is helpful but just things I've been thinking about recently.
I am surprised it took you this long to realize that your watches and deal toys won't be of much help.
I mean the expectation is that your body and mind won't shit themselves if that has never happened to you before
I'm sure that you're going through a lot right now so I don't mean my comments to come off as insensitive. But you caught my attention with your "you'll be alone in your time of need".
There is a flipside to that coin. I once had a professor tell me, "A true gentleman both celebrates and suffers alone" and that stuck with me. I think there is something to be said for handling your own times of need in your own, private way. I know I have faced challenges where I have been hospitalized and basically no one knew about it but me. I know it might sound weird to hear this, but I do believe it strengthened my character in the long run. Yes, it's not always great in the moment but long term it made me strong. And isn't that what all the truly tough moments in life are supposed to do?
This is why my father refuses to go to visit the doctor
Frankly this sounds incredibly stupid. I think you should always be prepared to suffer alone and that you shouldn't feel the need to publicly celebrate every success. It's true that you need to spend the rest of your life with yourself and you need to be confident and be able to handle yourself.
That said, nobody is going to give you a gold star for suffering in silence. An ounce of talking about your problems with a good friend/your spouse or using them as a sounding board can beat a pound of trying to handle it alone, to borrow a metaphor.
Unfortunately, too many of the men in my family have followed that quote too closely and it has not done anybody any favors.
mid-30s
same as above, no regrets, all part of the journey. I could say I wish I hadn't done this or that, but I think every fuck up taken constructively has helped me get to a pretty good place
the only thing that maybe I would tell my younger self is to minimize stupid variable expenses like going out with the boys all the time and buying clothes I don't wear and instead take more vacations/surf trips
What’s your favorite surf spot you’ve been to?
Probably northern costa rica
Mid-30's too. But unlike above posters, I admit that I do have some regrets. But I recognize them and specifically the one true source.
If I could do it again or go back in time and scare the f*** out of myself away from something, it'd be to steer away from such heavy alcohol use and abuse starting in college. It would've led to a lot better outcomes for education, career, relationships (professional, friends and romantic), an ass-ton more money... You get the picture.
props to you for the honest self reflection. I know (as I'm sure you do too) plenty of bros who are still dealing with that demon
Only low-30s, but similar boat. I have no issues with admitting that I was an overconfident dumbass in my 20s (not saying you were LOL), but a lot of those fuck-ups paved the way for where I am now. It's cliche, but failures really have taught me so much about my own life and the world as a whole.
I spent far too long in my 20s painting an image of myself that I wanted others to think I embodied. Picture a sleek modern skyscraper, but no concrete foundation - that was me! I am sure many people saw my social media posts and heard stories & probably thought I had a great life. Inside, I was depressed, overworked, and desperate. Saying "stop caring what other people think" is much easier said than done, but it's really the thing that WORKS.
I'm not too sure when I finally nailed that into my head, but my life has been exponentially better after I stopped constantly trying to impress the people that didn't matter. If you're happy in life, success will follow.
I am very proud to say that I am finally happy with my life. I hope that everyone reading this will also be able to kick back and say that one day - it may take a while, but it'll happen.
Mid/late 30s here.
Sometimes I wish I had married my ex in the past. Things would had turned out differently.
I’d wish I had healthier eating habits, worked out more, and saved my money that I had.
I don’t regret the blue collar jobs I undertook, as I learned more about myself. I still enjoy doing these kind of jobs - hands on, satisfying, keeps me in shape.
I did a lot of people wrong. I have reached out to a majority to provide an apology on my behalf. It’s made me a better person, as I continuously age and become a bit wiser - valuing things I find important.
Remember, it is not what you do for work that defines you, but your actions upon others that do.
Mid/late 30s here.
Sometimes I wish I had married my ex in the past. Things would had turned out differently.
I’d wish I had healthier eating habits, worked out more, and saved my money that I had.
I don’t regret the blue collar jobs I undertook, as I learned more about myself. I still enjoy doing these kind of jobs - hands on, satisfying, keeps me in shape.
I did a lot of people wrong. I have reached out to a majority to provide an apology on my behalf. It’s made me a better person, as I continuously age and become a bit wiser - valuing things I find important.
Remember, it is not what you do for work that defines you, but your actions upon others that do.
minimise time wastage on games, mindless google surfing, and being concerned about things you can't change.
travel more
With people? What if its solo travel?
Solo is pretty fun as well. I think the main thing is to get exposure to new things and get a bit out of your comfort zone.
Solo travel as a single person can be a lot of fun and rewarding(even more so if you’re in a relationship.) Its a chance to do something on your own, maybe a passion you don’t share with your partner. And thats always healthy. Theres a lot to be said for some time alone with your thoughts.
And solo doesn’t mean alone. If you join an expedition or do a through hike or a group climbing trip, group safari or road rally through Italy in a vintage car. whatever activity you like, there will be people around, even in the most remote places, and for the introvert, its the best of all worlds, people you can talk about your passions with.
For example, I took a trip to bag a peak in Argentina. Most of the people on the trip happened to be in finance or execs or business owners… plenty to talk about. But plenty of alone time. Ended up hitting a bunch of vineyards and steak houses with them afterwards. The meat down there is not to be missed.
Will echo travel. Not because you wont be able to do it when you are older, even with kids and responsibilities you can, but it changes. A nice resort with your wife or some family destination is fun, but so are the memories in your 20s at a dingy hostel meeting and drinking with strangers, going to clubs, etc.
Learn to cook and live cheaply. The more stuff you own, the more your stuff owns you. I've never regretted paying a premium on location (in a city, walking distance to top bars) but things like clothes, cars, expensive toys, eating out, etc. are generally a waste
I'm 32. A big source of pain from my 20s was ego. Completely eliminating ego and/or learning how to control it, recognize it, etc. is something I wish was hammered into my brain in my teens. Ego influences every aspect of life from career, money, relationships, hobbies, education, etc. and can lead to very lousy choices if you let it take control.
Another thing is wasting time on activities that yielded no legit skills or positive memories. Same goes with time wasted with people who didn't go anywhere in life nor ever really aspired to much of anything. I would have ideally been much more meticulous with respect to where my time was spent and making sure that time put in to something or someone yielded a positive result on my end whether it was an experience, a skill, etc.
I would have also listened to myself more. I spent most of my 20s listening to others and orchestrated my life through the advice, thoughts, and opinions of others and those others ended up being mostly wrong. I would have been far better off listening to myself, even if I got something wrong. I also wish I started journaling from a very young age.
I don't understand what you mean. You were egotistical, yet listened to everything told to you in your 20's?
The two are not mutually exclusive. Many people give you "advice" on what to do but most of it is just fluff to assuage your ego. It's only after that fact that you realize it was just stuff to make you feel good in the moment with no real substance to it.
wsa007, I've read a similar comment of yours under a different life advice thread and I have actually printed that one out. I'm entering my late 20s pretty soon and I echo with a lot of what you said:
1. Ego is the curse of the male sex.
2. Minimize wasted time. If you watch 2 hours of Youtube or Netflix every day it is watching TV every day for 2 hours.
3. Listen to your gut. That might be because I have just finished Phil Knight's Shoe Dog and he specifically admonished people to seek a calling, not a job. What that means to me I'm still finding out.
This girl invited me to go to Lake Tahoe to go snowboarding and at the time I was living in NYC and really busy with work and didn't want to spend the money and time so didn't go, but kind of wish I went in retrospect. I have my own snowboard and all the gear and stuff ready to go.
Another snowboard trip I should have went on was this invite from an Austrian model to come to Europe for in her opinion "sex and snowboarding." She was one of the hottest chicks I've ever seen and was definitely marriage material. But, we met in Mexico on a surf trip and at the time she was hooking up with this Mexican local surfer. I thought it was kind of gross to think about sloppy seconds so overall declined the invite to snowboard in Europe. Looking back, maybe I should have given her a chance - I just thought I would see many chicks like her in the following 10 years, but really didn't. For me, to see a marriage material chick is very rare.
Career wise, I interviewed for M&A for years in my 20s and finally received a verbal offer for an associate position with good hours and good money. I should have asked for some sort of written offer the day I received the verbal offer, but didn't as previously all my offers had come through after the verbal offer. Maybe 95% of the time you're good with a verbal offer, but this was that 5% and the offer was squashed due to some internal hire knowing someone higher (than the MD I interviewed with) to pull the strings. You live you learn.
Then also there is the fact that I left NYC. When I used to live there I swore I would never leave the city, but then started dating my HS crush and moved down south to be near her. We then broke up and then my mom's neurological health started to decline, so I helped out with family, which may not have been possible if I stayed in NYC. I guess overall, I wish I never left NYC and also I am glad I left to help out with family. I'll be back... :P
You should write a book one day about your life.
I think he’s lived a good life but nothing extraordinary. Not book material. Just a guy who takes opportunity he gets, and goes out of his way to seek it
Agree with others do not have massive regrets and some things if did differently would be fine.
Did better in school so I would have had more doors open to me to explore all possibilities. Traveled a lot more, prolly similar to more opportunities out of school. Taken my fitness more seriously in my 20s never was unfit but truly so much easier in your 20s.
In my late 20s so I'll revisit this in a few years, but compared to my early 20s, I wish I had embraced my weaknesses and focused squarely on my strengths. I wasted too much time in my early 20s (and teens too) trying to work on my biggest weaknesses to hilarious but wasted results. It wasn't until my mid 20s that I said fuck it and poured all my energy into enhancing my strengths, foregoing that all-rounded image I somehow idealised. The results were astounding: much happier and successful years, and somehow some of my weaknesses fixed themselves in the process. In effect, my late 20s have been mostly the best years of my life, and I'll say I'm more all-rounded than when I tried so hard to be.
That saying 'Focus on your strengths not your weaknesses' really holds a lot of weight and I'll for sure be taking that with me to the 30s.
I hear this a lot and have been trying to figure out my strengths and weaknesses. Could you elaborate as to what you discovered your strengths to be?
Mid 40s
Very few regrets but getting married and divorced is something I would have done differently. If I could do life over again, I wouldn't get married until my late 30s at the earliest. You're just a completely different person before that age and you really should be focusing on yourself and your career (especially as a man) prior to that age. Divorce is one of the toughest things I've ever been through - wouldn't wish it upon anyone. So being in a better position to be married, be a man, be a husband to a wife is one of the things I wish I could do over again. That being said, divorce also made me strong. I learned a lot about myself throughout the process and it also strengthened my faith in God. So, every cloud has a silver lining in that regard.
Man, you really want to be that 65 yo guy when your kid graduates from college? And then before your child has his/her child you are dead?
Yeah, I get it, its not for everyone. But that's part of the discipline behind it. Don't you want to be in the best position possible (not just good, but best) to raise a family and bring your kids up right? I think that happens a lot later in life than people give it credit for. A lot of the tradition of people getting married in their 20s is because of the agricultural need for big families tied to the lower life expectancy from a bygone era. Who's to say that you shouldn't be old when you have kids???
Build a life and identity outside of work.
Travel. A lot.
If you take care of yourself, your 30s at least shouldn't be materially different from your 20s if you're still single (obviously the equation changes if you're married and/or have kids). I'm in my early-30s and honestly think I'm basically in my prime. I'm in the best shape of my life (minus college when I had literally 0 responsibilities), I'm making solid money, and I'm just so much more confident/know what I want now. I don't waste my time with trivialities or with people that don't add anything to my life and I'm no longer a good little corporate boy that'll bend over backwards for a boss/company that doesn't care about me.
All that aside, the only thing I'd do differently in my 20s is not be so career/academics-focused. A lot of that was due to my upbringing and my parents being immigrants who had me razor-focused into believing that a great job = great life. Because of this, my personality and social skills suffered a lot and I think I missed out on a lot of experiences, particularly in college/my early-20s, that I'll never get a chance to experience again. It took A LOT of self-improvement and a life-threatening illness for me to realize that the path I was on wasn't making me happy and a lot of self-reflection and time from there to figure out what I value out of life.
To me, being smart is important, but the bar for what most people consider "intelligent" is super low for most jobs. Most of this stuff in finance isn't that difficult, so what's more important is being able to lead and communicate with others. Plus, social skills are just better for living a more fulfilling life in general. Money is great, but unless you are really obsessed with the finest things in life or actually have a passion for selling companies, you're probably better off with an FP&A job that still pays really well relative to most professions but also gives you a lot more free time to live your life.
I wish I had realized that a lot sooner, but it's better to come to this conclusion in your late-20s than late-50s, I suppose.
" and I'm no longer a good little corporate boy that'll bend over backwards for a boss/company that doesn't care about me. "
Interested to hear more on this and how it manifests for u
Honestly to counter all of the people saying they wish they spent less money on dumb shit I kind of wish I was able to let go more in my early/mid 20s. I'm from what you might call "the hood" so every penny I earned up until about 29 (when I really "hit it big") I acted like it was going to be all I would ever have in life. Frankly, with what I earn annually now, and all that I have saved, I woulda spent way more on having a good time when I was still young and flying to London/Vegas/Miami for a baller weekend with the wardys was normalized. Married now and collectively save over six figures a year and coulda made back all that money I never spent in 12 months.
Mid 30s. Couple things.
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