Average looking very smart girl or very good looking average girl?

My friends from (top) engineering undergrad/graduate school who are either in banking(quant research mostly) or engineering(facebook/google programmers) are extremely smart. All nice/kind girls, but they are not hot. Dress okay-ish, and never too hip. They do go out and drink but very average.

Some of my friends are "gallery girls." All of them are in art business (galleries, auctions, art magazine, etc). Of course they are good looking and well dressed. Really fun too. Some of them are so hot that I can spend hours just looking at her face. (I am a female) They are quite smart and they do respect their own work ethic (going to openings and attending parties etc). I get frustrated when I seem them going to dinners and having late nights on Tuesday or Wednesday after hours of work.

When I see these very opposite girls, there is only one thing I can think of: it is going to be so much easier for these gallery girls when it comes to date a guy and eventually get married to a nice person.

If I were a man, I would always go for an average smart girl with a good sense in fashion, cultures AND work less. I won't date a girl who works as much as I do, because that means I have to wait or schedule before to spend time together. Making more money or less money than I do will not be an issue, i think, since I am assuming myself to be a quite successful male who makes enough money. Also, being smarter than I am or not will not be a significant factor because I know I am smart. It is not a competition.

Moreover, I really do not think guys who have a decent job(banking, specifically) , are attractive and very successful will go for that intelligent thingy. Why? meeting an equally smart girl will only help him adding some of the factors that he already has (success,money, intelligence,etc)

I would be so happy not to think about my pnl and talk about some new emerging artists at a bar where they play the Smiths over a glass of alcohol. I woulndt want to talk about how quantum physics can be used to create the next iphone game after looking at vols/yield curves from 7am to 5pm.

I told this to my friends from school and all of them went like "!? we are smart! Smart and successful guys care more about one's intelligence"

I told them to accept the reality that smart girls will never be able to meet top 1-2% guys as they imagine , and I think they were so shocked that they stopped talking until I got off a cab.

Am i being too cynical or are they naive?

 

There are smart girls that are pretty in the world. Looks depreciate, intelligence doesn't (at least until their 60s for most people).

"You stop being an asshole when it sucks to be you." -IlliniProgrammer "Your grammar made me wish I'd been aborted." -happypantsmcgee
 
D M:

There are smart girls that are pretty in the world. Looks depreciate, intelligence doesn't (at least until their 60s for most people).

I agree. Go for both. IMO, a flirtatious personality is as important as looks and intelligence; it's what makes life fun! Also, a Bateman like work ethic will do wonders to reduce aging.

[quote=Matrick][in reply to Tony Snark"]Why aren't you blogging for WSO and become the date doctor for WSO? There seems to be demand. [/quote] [quote=BatMasterson][in reply to Tony Snark's dating tip] Sensible advice.[/quote]
 
Tony Snark:
D M:

There are smart girls that are pretty in the world. Looks depreciate, intelligence doesn't (at least until their 60s for most people).

I agree. Go for both. IMO, a flirtatious personality is as important as looks and intelligence; it's what makes life fun! Also, a Bateman like work ethic will do wonders to reduce aging.

This. Chemistry is really important.

 

This isn't your fucking diary. Grow a pair and stop acting so beta. People who analyse this shit need to get real. Just find someone who you get on with and who likes you for the right reasons.

 
Best Response

This is a very thoughful topic. If you are still young, you must be a very considerate lady for asking yourself such questions. As a female who is probably older than you are, I'd like to add some input here. Both traits you mentioned may not be the key determinants for an "alpha" man to choose from: instead, femininity it is mostly likely. Let's assume the "alpha" is a real alpha who is loyal and family oriented, not some heartless, soulless,immature money making machine. So when it comes to getting serious like marriage, they need a lot more beyond the visible standards, such as looks and education, etc. They need to fulfill their psychological needs, the needs may arise from the struggling with everyday's life. So if this girl has got the talents and techniques to feed him in a very positive way, she is the one for him, no question. I've seen a ton of women who are neither that hot nor that intelligent but managed to snag the "alphas". They fall into this category. It is very subtle thing, if you want to make it, you need to make yourself good at psychology stuff, not that look vs. intelligence thing.

 
lonesurvivor:

Both traits you mentioned may not be the key determinants for an "alpha" man to choose from: instead, femininity it is mostly likely.

Just another euphemism for voluptuous vixen.

[quote=Matrick][in reply to Tony Snark"]Why aren't you blogging for WSO and become the date doctor for WSO? There seems to be demand. [/quote] [quote=BatMasterson][in reply to Tony Snark's dating tip] Sensible advice.[/quote]
 

Yerrrrrr the best way to sum all these intangibles up is by asking this question: do you want her to be the mother of your children?

"After you work on Wall Street it’s a choice, would you rather work at McDonalds or on the sell-side? I would choose McDonalds over the sell-side.” - David Tepper
 
Oreos:

Yerrrrrr the best way to sum all these intangibles up is by asking this question: do you want her to be the mother of your children?

I've always thought this is the best metric. Do you feel comfortable with (a) this woman raising your kids, and (b) your kids getting 50% of their genes from this woman.

This implies similar values and high intelligence. My current girlfriend is a great example - yes, she's more attractive than average, but we agree on basically everything. Similar political views, spending habits, life goals, etc. are all important. Financial goals are often overlooked - if a girl will drop $500 on a pair of shoes without a thought, she might not be a great fit for a frugal guy.

Personally, femininity is pretty critical - doing 'domestic' jobs without being asked is a good indicator. I would also be a bit concerned if a girl said, "I never want to have kids." I don't want kids for 5-10 years, but if a girl hates kids in general, I think it says something about her personality.

 
West Coast rainmaker:

Personally, femininity is pretty critical - doing 'domestic' jobs without being asked is a good indicator.

@"West Coast rainmaker", I agree, but I have a very different definition of femininity. LOL!
[quote=Matrick][in reply to Tony Snark"]Why aren't you blogging for WSO and become the date doctor for WSO? There seems to be demand. [/quote] [quote=BatMasterson][in reply to Tony Snark's dating tip] Sensible advice.[/quote]
 
Oreos:

Yerrrrrr the best way to sum all these intangibles up is by asking this question: do you want her to be the mother of your children?

This sum generally ends in cheating and then often divorce, unless somewhere in that equation is how much you enjoy sleeping with her and how attracted you are to her. You also can't ignore the "how much of my hard earned money is she going to waste with her terrible spending habits" factor.

 

Haha. Don't think you quite get it. And anyway, by your logic, why would you want ugly children? Or even get talking to this unattractive girl in the first place? Did you marry your childhood nanny?

And on the spending money thing, wow, you really have a warped sense of what a wife / mother is.

"After you work on Wall Street it’s a choice, would you rather work at McDonalds or on the sell-side? I would choose McDonalds over the sell-side.” - David Tepper
 
JenCass:
Oreos:

Yerrrrrr the best way to sum all these intangibles up is by asking this question: do you want her to be the mother of your children?

This sum generally ends in cheating and then often divorce, unless somewhere in that equation is how much you enjoy sleeping with her and how attracted you are to her. You also can't ignore the "how much of my hard earned money is she going to waste with her terrible spending habits" factor.

If money is a problem, just get a GF instead, or better yet get two or more GFs.

[quote=Matrick][in reply to Tony Snark"]Why aren't you blogging for WSO and become the date doctor for WSO? There seems to be demand. [/quote] [quote=BatMasterson][in reply to Tony Snark's dating tip] Sensible advice.[/quote]
 

Most girls way over rate their intelligence. I've dated enough ivy league girls to know that when you date a "smart girl" you get the same BS as a dumb girl but a smart girl is not as attractive and is more argumentative.

If you date a girl that Is dumb but hot, at least you got that. The other trait i screen, pleasantness to be around, has been a dying concept in the west.

 

Guys who settle for the average looking girls our of choice are losers. You can have both smart and good looking. Mind you there is A HUGE DIFFERENCE between Smart and Smart-asses. The girls you're referring to are smart-asses, and those are the ones who will make your life hell - an actual smart man would far more quickly take a hot dumb broad than a chick who thinks she knows everything and will argue and have an opinion about everything and make your life a living hell (and is not good looking on top of all that).

Don't listen to anyone, everybody is scared.
 

From David DeAngelo: attraction isn't a choice. Women say they want a nice guy but they rarely go for nice guys. Men acknowledge that looks fade and beauty is only skin deep, but we still de facto go for physically attractive women.

Ultimately, since attraction isn't a choice, humanity usually ends up with a mate that is in the right place, right time, and with whom he/she shares natural chemistry. Maybe I prefer blondes, but if I'm attracted to a brunette and we are thrown together in the right circumstances then I could end up with a brunette.

 
DCDepository:

Ultimately, since attraction isn't a choice, humanity usually ends up with a mate that is in the right place, right time, and with whom he/she shares natural chemistry.

I think this is right. Everyone has all sorts of views but no one has an unlimited amount of choices. Who you end up with is likely to be largely circumstantial.
 

Your basic premise is correct- personality and looks is more important than intelligence when looking for love.

But if you want to stereotype your friends (art business vs. engineers) I would imagine that most successful men these days are going to align better with the personalities of the engineers. (The typical sociable frat guy turned corporate banker doesn't represent as big of the pie of successful males out there then they once did.) Furthermore, successful men are much more likely to marry successful woman then they did in the past. This isn't your mother's generation. Among the successful- the guys are nerdier and everyone's greedier.

 
ReadLine:

Your basic premise is correct- personality and looks is more important than intelligence when looking for love.

But if you want to stereotype your friends (art business vs. engineers) I would imagine that most successful men these days are going to align better with the personalities of the engineers. (The typical sociable frat guy turned corporate banker doesn't represent as big of the pie of successful males out there then they once did.) Furthermore, successful men are much more likely to marry successful woman then they did in the past. This isn't your mother's generation. Among the successful- the guys are nerdier and everyone's greedier.

I'm remembering all of the posts by women that claim that they are an engineering major who was offered a modeling job.

[quote=Matrick][in reply to Tony Snark"]Why aren't you blogging for WSO and become the date doctor for WSO? There seems to be demand. [/quote] [quote=BatMasterson][in reply to Tony Snark's dating tip] Sensible advice.[/quote]
 

I'm hoping that when you say "average" you mean that no one could say she's unattractive, just not their type. And when you say "smart" it can't just be book-smart as someone said earlier. No one wants to keep talking about the same shit they did all day and keep it going after work. Smart should be book-smart but also witty in that she can shoot the shit with everyone and not just be all "Lol, OMG, I CAN'T!!!!!!" 24/7

...
 

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