Books to become at better conversationalist
I am mid way through reading ‘The art of making friends and influencing people’, and must admit, it is incredibly good.
I was wondering if anyone had any book suggestions for becoming a better conversationalist - I can talk to the bros all day about hobbies etc, but a lot of strangers (particularly women) don’t have the same interest I do in these things. I find that I get incredibly bored when talking to these people, as it ends up coming down to small talk (weather, plans for weekend blah blah blah). I could get by like this, but would like to become better.
I found a book ‘Better small talk’, but am unsure if it really has anything useful.
Anyone have any book recommendations regarding this?
Worth noting that whilst I’m not specifically looking for ‘game’, that is also a consideration considering I’m going to be going to uni soon.
Thanks monkeys 💯
I think there is a good one called "The Cunning Linguist" - ask your librarian if she knows about it.
I'm going to A2D this one a bit as usual. Actually conversing with people and gaining experience is more important than reading some book. I'd argue doing real world things like Toasters' club or other social clubs to talk face to face. Hell, even speed-dating so you can learn how to read a room and adjust accordingly. I will not post my nametag for that one, but you can PM me if you want. Let's just say, always a smartass and never won't be one. Sometimes even if it seems boring to you, it's still really interesting to the other person/people. And that's what you're going for.
I know the fight of feeling like you have to slow down from what you consider 100 mentally to dive into what you think is the shallow end of the pool. Just practice and learn to read the room as said before.
Thank you for this.
Dating sounds like a great idea actually, have heard it does wonders for confidence too.
How to Make Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnigie. Download that shit from zlib and play the audiobook on youtube at 2x speed. You'll finish it in 3 days MAX.
“Never eat alone”
“What do you say after hello”
“Persuasion”
“Never split the difference” (although negotiation book, I like his categorising of people)
“Courage to be disliked”
Learned more about conversation from "Never Split the Difference" than any other book. frequently use the turn the end of their last sentence into a question move
Catcher in the rye
Honestly, this is just a general education and casual reading exercise. Reading Dale Carnegie's book and expecting to suddenly becoming a capable conversationalist is like a white girl reading ____ self-help book and expecting to be an overnight expert.
You just need to read news (WSJ, FT, etc.) and a mix of fiction & nonfiction. Read what interests you and it will intro you to other topics & areas that will interest you. But whatever you do read, read a lot of it. This isn't something that you can hack and revamp over night. People who read a lot generally will be able to hold a conversation naturally. You're still young and have got plenty of time to build this healthy habit!
I work in sales so I consider myself to be a pretty good conversationalist. Some things that helped me in my personal life are setting goals like striking up three conversations every day with random strangers, this will help you get comfortable talking with strangers and it will make you realize how little an awkward conversation actually matters. Another useful tip to never run out of things to say is the golden phrase when speaking which is "that reminds me of ____" this phrase will allow you to pivot any conversation by relating to the other person and offering a similar but different conversation topic that you may be more well versed in but it should be similar enough that they can still comment and feel included in the conversation. How to win friends and influence people is a fantastic read so maybe try to apply some of those principles when working on your three random conversations a day.
What are your hobbies or interests that bros have that you dont think women are as interested in?
IMO what helps the most at becomming a conversationalist (i.e. interesting) is actually doing stuff, not just reading. The more you do the more you naturally can talk about. 'Doing stuff' isnt watching sports or chatting on Discord or whatever, but just trying new things. Eventually this gives you confidence to not only put yourself out of your comfort zone but you naturally can talk about stuff and are more likely to find something in common
Action movies, jiu jitsu, snowboarding, weightlifting, running, chess, travel
Of these, I would say travel, running and snowboarding are the only hobbies that in general women find interesting from my experience (somewhat sexist I know…). Problem is my travel experience is limited and the other two are not fun to talk about over doing. So after travel, my hobbies are dry.
Thanks for the advice - this sounds like fun. What hobbies would you recommend from personal experience? Always looking to try something new.
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