Dealing with a midlife crisis?
I’ve often heard of the term “midlife crisis” but I’ve rarely seen anyone go through this
Has anyone experienced this or know anyone who has been through that stage? What was it like?
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You have never seen any 45 year old man dump his wife, leave his kids and shack up with a 25 year old?
Outside of celebs, I haven't either. Pretty much all of the family friends parents and parents of friends I've had prior to college that I grew up with are all with their wives -- then again, I have an immigrant background where family really matters. In hindsight I was lucky to have such role models, this is not the norm in the US I guess
Def not the norm. I think the best place to be is to have hard working immigrant parents and you’re the first generation kids and are successful. You have a nice mix of family values and work ethic, but get to enjoy the luxury of the US. There’s always a risk your kids turn out entitled, but that’s on you as a parent.
As for see kid life crisis in action, quite a few MDs I see have done the whole dump your wife and move in the younger woman thing.
My dad went through a midlife crisis, it was awesome. He put a 2-post car lift in his garage and started restoring old corvettes. Also picked up a motorcycle for a few years.
Quarter life crisis > IB / PE forum
Midlife crisis > Off-topic forum
Signs of a midlife crisis
Deep sadness and regret. Perhaps you ruminate over perceived missed opportunities in relationships or employment. This leads to a deep unhappiness with the present and a tendency to overlook the good aspects of your life.
Restlessness and daydreaming. You might feel bored or exhausted with your daily routine, whether that includes your work schedule or other responsibilities. Perhaps you start daydreaming about what life would be like if you had followed a different career path or married a different partner. The desire for change can make it hard to focus on what's in front of you.
Irritability. Feeling like your past decisions have boxed you in or limited your potential can lead to sudden bouts of anger. You might grow annoyed with your spouse, aging parents, or closest friends for minor infractions.
Nostalgia. Rather than focus on the positives of the present, you begin to idealize your past lifestyle. Maybe you reminisce about how athletic you used to be or how expansive your social circle was in college.
Impulsive and indulgent behavior. You might start making big purchases or increase alcohol and drug use to cope with feelings of discontentment. Some people start indulging more in food, overeating out of boredom or stress. None of these behaviors completely satisfy you, but they can have health consequences.
Changes in sexual desire. Some people experience a spike in sexual desire, while others have a decreased interest in sex. You might entertain thoughts of infidelity or engage in infidelity as you have doubts about your current relationship. Thoughts of dating someone younger might be tied to your own insecurities about aging.
Changes in ambition. You might suddenly feel motivated to make changes to your life, such as moving to a new area, buying a new home, or attaining a higher position at work. This could be an attempt to correct what you now perceive as “bad past decisions.” On the other hand, you might feel less motivated to reach for other goals as you begin to question the purpose of your life.
Some of these signs may be easily mistaken for symptoms of depression. Knowing the difference can help you address the problem.
Causes of midlife crisis
The idea of midlife crisis might be partially or mostly shaped by cultural views. It's worth keeping in mind that not all cultures subscribe to the concept of a midlife crisis, or even midlife.
Western society, though, tends to paint physical aging in a negative light, while glorifying youth. An overemphasis on senility and reduced physical abilities can make aging seem like a scary prospect. And it's not hard to find products promising to reduce “unsightly” wrinkles and gray hair, implying that you're becoming less attractive with age.
Negativity around aging might make you feel a sense of despair or a drop in self-esteem as you reach midlife. You might feel compelled to reevaluate your progress in life or view this time period as simply a transition into old age.
Of course, very concrete stressors or setbacks during adulthood can also exacerbate or trigger what you might consider a midlife crisis. These stressors could involve changes to your physical health, social relationships, career, or finances.
Physical changes
Maybe you're not as spry as you used to be. You might even be more susceptible to illnesses or diagnosed with a condition like high blood pressure. These physical changes can make you feel disheartened or fearful of the future.
Men may experience a gradual decline in testosterone as they age. However, factors such as illness, alcohol abuse, medication side effects, and increased body fat can also decrease testosterone. Low testosterone can lead to distressing symptoms such as depression, low sex drive, erectile dysfunction and difficulty sleeping.
Changing family dynamics
In midlife, many parents experience empty nest syndrome — a feeling of grief tied to their children moving out of the house. You might experience loneliness or feelings of emptiness as you reassess your role as a parent and refocus on yourself.
You might also experience changes in your relationship with your parents. Taking on a caretaker role for aging parents can be physically and emotionally stressful. And the passing of a parent can be incredibly heartbreaking.
A divorce is another event that might contribute to a tumultuous midlife. Separating from a long-time partner can lead to conflicting emotions such as sadness, anger, and confusion. If you have children, divorce can also complicate your family dynamics.
Career changes
A 2019 survey by Indeed revealed that, on average, people who change careers do so at 39 years old. Many people are juggling new work responsibilities as they enter midlife. If you don't switch careers, you might reach more senior positions at your current job. Even if those positions offer higher pay, they will come with new responsibilities that increase your stress
Repetition in your daily tasks might contribute to a lack of fulfillment in the workplace
Full article found here, actually quite helpful insights: https://www.helpguide.org/articles/aging-issues/midlife-crisis.htm
It stems from someone knowing they have fewer better days than worse days ahead of them. Going into your 30s, you have a whole decade to mature, have fund get married and have kids. Going into your 40s, things start to change, not just men but women. Women enter peri-menopause at 40-ish and finally menopause at 50-ish. Their drive goes down, looks(not that most guys who love their wives care, but the wives themselves care). Men keep producing the same amount of output, in work, romance, childcare, and suddenly they are getting less action/satisfaction at home. Wives don't care, and now their bar increase even though the man is giving more in effort, love, financial security than when they were first dating, and the women do not see that. So the guy logically thinks how can I be putting even more effort into the relationship and be getting so much less than at the start.(I never bought a girl jewelry worth 10k in my 20s) That is when he sees the woman as replaceable, and that younger woman has the spark, and frankly interest.
Would posit that women today who work just don't have the energy to burn the candle on both ends, men do. Although it gets harder to keep up with the happy hours.
There are other ways men can have a mid-life crisis. Some men who were never in shape see the remaining 10-20 years of fitness and try to change their lifestyle. SOme people grow apart. To be continued
This phrase struck home and may be the reason why many middle-aged men get a dissonance at home. The pass of time can be acknowledged and taken with grace. Some women seem to age naturally and beautifully (didn't think I'm my 20s I was going to say that in my 40s!) and this happiness with their body/age makes them very attractive and increase sex appeal.
But for others, the worst critic is inside. No matter what a loving, honest and caring husband may say or do to affirm their love and recognition of their wives beauty. A bit frustrating at times, a bit sad at others, from inability to change that train of thought for their wives; or from their wives' rigour with themselves.
Very insightful response and for better or for worse, reality. I’m not there, but I have seen it in my parents and others. Where I struggle is where to draw the line, or put another way, what is the threshold for starting to entertain those thoughts of maybe she is replaceable. When you’re married 20+ years, mother of your children, financially intertwined, etc, at what point do you look yourself in the mirror and say despite all that, she takes me for granted to a point where it’s worth it to see what’s out there and start a new chapter.
I know people who I think probably should have made that decision but found themselves on a slippery slope and have been miserable since entering the ‘empty nester’ phase, or in some cases earlier. Have not divorced and are living unhappy lives with little in common with their spouse. Easy for me to say they should have made an exit as a bystander not in their shoes, but I’ve seen friends’ dads who did have midlife crises and called it quits with seemingly little regret. They dated younger, hotter women for a while and then remarried 5-10 years later and are happy with a different woman who appreciates them more and does not carry all the baggage/resentment from the child bearing years. I naturally compare the two paths. I never bought girls jewelry period in my 20s and that has changed in my thirties, your comment is dead on and it’s a slippery slope.
It’s an interesting phenomenon to consider - you’re more responsible than ever, making more money than ever, sacrificing your personal time for family more than ever, and being an overall better guy compared to when you were younger and more reckless meanwhile attracting more women…but now you are having less sex and are generally treated as less of a priority than ever in your life. I hope I never approach that fork in the road, but if you are a successful guy that takes care of himself who ends up with the wrong person, it appears options, or at least the illusion of options, begin to present themselves.
There are probably two reason a mid life crisis is not that common:
1. It is expensive
2. Kids
My asshole step father went through it. Happened at the start of Covid. Ran off with a fat bitch and ditched my mother after 30+ years. He lost his mind and about to lose a bunch of his assets. Walked out on his family and never came back. I have no contact with the man who raised me and the scum bag ditched his grandkids. I hope he ends up dying alone for totally abandoning us. Hope others never have to go through anything like this.
How do people at that age range cope with this?
Read some comments on the off topic posts and you'll see how people cope with midlife crisis lol
Always find the concept of mid-life crisis to be completely wrong and misinterpreted. Sure, if at 45 the straight laced guy dumps his wife, gets a tattoos, and buys a motorcycle then something is off. But as you get older, have more wealth, have more options, etc. You SHOULD make drastic changes to your life.
A 45 year old guy getting his dream sports car isn't having 'a midlife crisis'. He likely always wanted that car and now is in a financial situation where he can afford it easily. Similarly, someone being able to have the resources to pour into a new hobby, or pursue a new careerpath, isn't having 'a midlife crisis' but usually were planning that change all along.
I plan to, and have planned to my entire career, reach financial independence by early-to-mid 40s. From that moment I intend to change careerpaths completely into something with more autonomy even if it pays less. Im sure on the outside this may look like a midlife crisis, just like with the guy getting his dream sports car - but it's been the plan all along
To go through your entire life not even self reflecting on your mortality, and just stick with your career because thats what youve always done, and not challenge or pursue hobbies for whatever reason - is much more pathetic
Hello MonkeyNoise, I’m you in the future. Haha, joking. I’m almost there though. What you wrote resonated. Couple thoughts:
Meh, it's probably something people go through in their 40s and onwards, there's probably some psychology or reasoning for it for different people but everyones situation is different
A helpful article: https://www.helpguide.org/articles/aging-issues/midlife-crisis.htm
Actually good advice from the link
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